Because Everything’s Bigger In Texas

, | | Right | November 7, 2007

(Note: the shop is really, really small, and is inside the same building as a supermarket.)

*lady walks into store with shopping cart*

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, could you leave your cart outside? It’s blocking other people from getting inside the store.”

Lady: *moves her cart filled with unpaid merchandise outside the store*

Me: “I’m sorry, you can’t take unpaid merchandise outside the store either.”

Lady: “I’m sorry. I’m from Texas!”

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My Neighbor Broke, Can You Fix It

| | Right | November 7, 2007

Tech Support: “So you’re having issues picking up your wireless signal … how many connections are there?”

Customer: “There’s two other networks but only one bar on each … those are my bad neighbors.”

Tech Support: “So the good signal isn’t there? Hmm, your modem might be off; can we check that?”

Customer: “Modem?”

(Tech support troubleshot that for a while before realizing the guy had never paid for internet before and didn’t own a modem.)

Tech Support: “Sir, when you said the other connections were your ‘bad neighbors…’ Did you mean that the good neighbor with the good signal isn’t there?”

Customer: “Oh, he moved?”

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The State Eats Cuddly Puppies & Kittens, Too

| | Right | November 6, 2007

Me: “Good Afternoon, Mississippi Department of xxxxxx. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I would like y’all to get me some food stamps. My kids are hungry and I got fired last week.”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t issue food stamps. You need to contact the Department of Human Services.”

Caller: “What?! My cousin told me to call y’all and y’all would get us fed. I know the State has lots of monies, can’t you just send us some?”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, you need to call DHS and they will be able to assist you.”

Caller: “F*** You! The G**-D***** State never does a damn thing for us poor folks! I hope you feel the fires of hell for starving children!” *click*

Me: *stunned silence*

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Better Idea: Make Your Boys Wear Dresses

, | | Right | November 6, 2007

Lady customer: “Where’s your boy stuff?”

Me: “We don’t really have any. This store is mainly targeted for girls.”

Lady customer: “WELL YOU SHOULD!”

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When Generations Collide

, | | Right | November 6, 2007

Old man in a Japanese Gift Shop: “Do you carry thongs here?”

Me: “Uh… WHAT?”

Old man: “You know… flippity flops… sandals!”

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