Out Of State, Out Of Mind

, , , , | Right | December 3, 2009

Me: “That’ll be €32,78 please.”

(The customer hands me American dollars.)

Me: “Sir, this is Germany. You can’t pay with US currency.”

Customer: “But this is the US.”

Me: “No, sir, this is Germany, in Europe.”

Customer: “But… isn’t Europe part of the US?”


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Close-Minded

, , | Right | December 3, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Drugstore]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “What time do y’all close?”

Me: “We’re open twenty-four hours, sir.”

Customer: “But what time do you close?”

Me: “We’re twenty-four hours.”

Customer: “What does that mean? I don’t know military time!”

Me: “We’re open twenty-four hours a day, three-hundred-and-sixty-five days a year, sir.”

Customer: “You’re not listening to me. How am I supposed to know when to come if I don’t know when you close?!”

Me: “Sir, we never close. We’re always open.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “No matter what time you come, someone will be here, sir.”

Customer: “Well, what kind of stupid a** schedule is that?!”

Me: “You’d have to ask corporate, sir.”

Customer: “So, wait… what time do y’all close?”

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In Soviet America, Product Buys You

, , , | Right | December 3, 2009

Me: “Hey there, can I help you out?”

Customer: “Were these products on Oprah?”

Me: “Yes, they’ve been featured.”

Customer: “Celebrities use them, right? So they must be really expensive… like $500 a pop or something, right?”

Me: “No, not at all. This one here only costs $40 before tax, and none of the products exceed $150.”

Customer: “So, when the celebrities buy them, they only cost $40?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “And when regular people buy them, they only cost $40?”

Me: “Yes.”

(A moment of silence passes as the customer glares at me.)

Customer: “COMMUNIST!”

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Book You In For Six (Feet Under)

, , | Right | December 2, 2009

(My boss passed away earlier this year. Her phone forwards to mine so that I can redirect individuals that need assistance.)

Customer: “Hi, can I speak to Dr. [Boss]?”

Me: “I’m sorry, Dr. [Boss] passed away earlier this year. Is there something I can help you with instead?”

Customer: “No, I think I’ll just call back. When do you think she’ll be in?”

Me: “Ma’am, she passed away.”

Customer: “Right… so when will she be in?  Can I call back tomorrow?”

Me: “Ma’am, she’s dead.”

Customer: “Oh… how about Monday, then?”


This story is part of our roundup about customers who are bad listeners!

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Getting To The Root Of The Problem

, , , | Right | December 2, 2009

(I am selling souvenir programs and backpacks for “Legally Blonde: The Musical” in the lobby. The customer I’m talking to is a brunette; so am I.)

Me: “Would you like a souvenir program?”

Customer: “But you’re not blond.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am? Would you like a program?”

Customer: “This is Legally Blonde! You should be blond.”

Me: *thinking she’s joking* “You know, it’s funny… I was blond for six months and just dyed my hair back to my natural color before I found out this show was coming.”

Customer: *completely serious* “But you are not blond!”

Me: “No, ma’am, I am not.”

Customer: “Why would they let you sell things for the show when you are not blond?”

Me: “Well, you don’t have to be blond to work at the theater.”

Customer: “But it’s Legally BLONDE!”

Me: *giving up* “You see, ma’am, they needed someone who could do math, so they got a brunette.”

Customer: “Oh, that makes sense. I will take two, then!”

Customer #2: “Well played. Now I feel like I have to buy one!”


This story is part of our Musical Theater Roundup!

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