Some People Can’t Handle The Power

, , , | Right | June 25, 2009

Me: *on the phone* “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “My cable won’t stop changing channels.”

(I walk the customer through a basic re-set.)

Me: “Has that resolved the issue?”

Customer: “No, it’s still changing channels.”

Me: “Okay, you’re just watching it and it’s just randomly changing channels by itself?”

Customer: “Yes, when I press the channel up and down buttons on the remote, it keeps changing channels.”

Me: “…that’s the purpose of the channel buttons.”

Customer: “Well, how do I get it to stop changing channels?”

Me: “Stop pressing the channel buttons.”

Customer: *getting irritated* “But I want to press the channel buttons, but it won’t stop changing.”

Me: “If you don’t want it to change, stop pressing the buttons.”

Customer: “Oh… but how do I get it to stop?”

Me: “Put your remote down and don’t touch it.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Why would you have that button if it’s just going to change the channels?!”

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It Just Jumps Off The Page

, , | Right | June 25, 2009

Me: *on the phone* “Hello, [Copy Shop] Printing.”

Woman: “Yeah, I need to get something printed, and I just need to know if you can do it or not.”

Me: “That’s entirely possible. What is it you want to print?”

Woman: “Well, it’s something on a website.”

Me: “Hmm. Web-res graphics tend not to print well. You’ll want something at least 300 dpi. And web graphics are in RGB color, and we would need CMYK.”

Woman: “Oh. Well, if I show you the website, can you check?”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(She sends me to this website and directs me to a banner ad.)

Me: “Uh, you mean this advertisement that’s flashing at the top of the screen?”

Woman: “Yeah, can you print that? Like 1,000 of them so I can hand them out?”

Me: “But it’s animated. Even if the quality was good enough to print, I could only print one still frame… It wouldn’t be moving.”

Woman: “Darn it! That’s what my boyfriend told me, too! I just wanted to be sure.”

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What You [Don’t] See Is What You Get

, | Right | June 25, 2009

Customer: “Hi, can you help me find invisible wire?”

Me: “Oh, fish wire?”

Customer: “Yes, invisible wire.”

Me: “Yup, that’s right over here.”

(I take the customer over, pull one off the hook, and hand it to him.)

Customer: “Is this a joke?!”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “This isn’t invisible wire! I can see it!”

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Love The Life Choice, Hate The Life

, | Right | June 24, 2009

(A woman called in to make a reservation.)

Woman: “Hi, I’m a vegetarian. What can you do for me?”

Host: “Well, I can check with the kitch–”

Woman: *interrupting* “And I don’t wanna hear pasta, tofu or vegetables!”

Host: “Well, ma’am, what did you have in mind?”

Woman: “I don’t know, but everywhere I call offers me that, and I don’t like any of it!”

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Taster’s Choice

| Right | June 24, 2009

(I was a customer at a store that engraves plaques, trophies, etc. and I witnessed this exchange.)

Employee: *to another customer* “Hello, can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for a specific plaque design.”

Employee: “All right, what kind of design are you looking for?”

Customer: “Uh… I don’t really remember what it looked like. But it tasted really bad.”

Employee: “…let’s just look over here, shall we?”

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