Do As I Do, Not As I Say

, , | Right | July 30, 2009

(A customer walks into our sandwich shop with her very young son.)

Customer’s Son: “I want a sandwich!”

Customer: “When we want something, we ask politely, remember?”

Customer’s Son: “But I want chips!”

Customer: “No, dear, you ask, ‘May I please have some chips?'”

Me: “What will you be ordering today, ma’am?”

Customer: “I want a kid’s meal!”


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The Ferocity Of Generosity

| Right | July 30, 2009

(I’m waiting on a table who is celebrating a child’s birthday. They’ve just finished eating.)

Me: “Are we ready for our check?”

Customer #1: “I’ll take it.”

Customer #2: “No, I can’t let you pay for me!”

Customer #1: “I’m paying! It’s [Child’s] birthday!”

Customer #2: *to me* “Give me my check, now!”

(I hand [Customer #2] her check from my book, but [Customer #1] starts crying hysterically.)

Customer #1: *to me* “I’m never coming to this place again! How dare you treat me this way!”

(I apologize and go to process the check. Later on, I run into [Customer #1] and her husband as they are leaving the restaurant; she’s still sobbing hysterically.)

Customer #1’s Husband: “What in the h*** do you put in your tilapia?!”

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Wired For The Stone Age

, , , | Right | July 30, 2009

(I walk up to an older man playing with an iPhone in our electronics store.)

Me: “Hello, sir, do you need any help?”

Customer: “Naw, but I was wondering… why does this darn thing work with my finger, but not my fingernails?”

Me: “Well, your body has electricity running through it, but your fingernails don’t conduct–”

Customer: “Electricity in my body? My body?”

Me: “Yes, sir. We all have electricity running through our bodies.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! D*** technology! We didn’t have that s*** prancin’ around our bodies in back in my day!”

Me: “Sir, we’ve always–”

Customer: “Forget it! What’s the d*** world coming to?” *walks away mumbling*


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When You’re Always Right, The Earth Revolves Around You

, | Right | July 29, 2009

(While working at the drive-thru window early one morning, a woman starts talking to me as I am waiting on her food.)

Customer: “Can you name seven planets?”

Me: “Uh… I can name nine if you want to include Pluto…” *names the planets*

Customer: “What about the sun?”

Me: “The sun is a star.”

Customer: “Oh. What about the moon?”

Me: “The moon is our natural satellite…”

Customer: “Huh. But it doesn’t move.”

Me: “The moon revolves around the Earth.”

Customer: “But the moon doesn’t move. I can see it right now.”

Me: *hands her her food* “Okay, ma’am… have a nice day.”

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When You Know You Need Better Glasses Or Better Handwriting

| Right | July 29, 2009

(In taking a call, I ask a customer to read me some numbers from her hardware in order to access her account.)

Customer: “3-7-V…”

Me: *repeating* “3-7-V.”

Customer: “3-7-V!”

Me: *thinking I’ve misheard, correcting* “3-7-B?”

Customer: “3-7-V!”

Me: “…3-7-V? ‘V’ like ‘Victor’?”

Customer: “3-7-V! V! ‘V’ like ‘umbrella’!”

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