A Word Away From Being Manhandled

| Right | July 16, 2009

(I am seven months pregnant with a huge belly.)

Customer: *laughing* “Oh man, you totally look like you’re pregnant!”

Me: “Well yes, sir, I am. What can I get you?”

Customer: “But that’s just impossible. It’s so ridiculous!”

Me: “I can assure you, sir, it’s not. I am pregnant. Can I get you something?”

Customer: *points at my nametag* “Look! You even have a girl’s name!”

Me: “That’s because I’m a girl. I am a PREGNANT GIRL. Now, can I get you anything to eat?”

Customer: *walks away, laughing hysterically* “A pregnant boy, that’s just crazy!”

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Rated ‘R’ For Reality

, , , , | Right | July 16, 2009

(A customer comes up to the register with three under-five-year-old kids with a “Watchmen” graphic novel.)

Me: “Hi! So have you seen Watchmen yet?”

Customer: “No, we are going right after this.”

Me: “You do know that Watchmen is a very violent movie geared towards adults, right?”

Customer: “Oh, it’s okay. We’re from the Bronx.”


This story is part of our Terrible Parents roundup!

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Teaching The Next Generation

| Right | July 15, 2009

(I’m folding clothes when a young girl of about six comes up to me. Her mom is in a nearby fitting room trying clothes on.)

Girl: “Why do you have to fold those shirts?”

Me: “Well, they have to look neat on the tables, so I need to fold them.”

Girl: “So whenever someone looks at a shirt, you have to refold it?”

Me: “If it gets unfolded, yes.”

(Just then another customer walks up to the table and proceeds to unfold the top shirt from the pile, look at it, and throw it back down on top of the pile.)

Girl: “That must get really annoying.”

Me: “You have no idea.”

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Fpelling Is Fimple

, , , | Right | July 15, 2009

(I’m trying to instruct a caller how to visit a website.)

Customer: “It says ‘page cannot be displayed.'”

Me: “Okay, please go to google.com.”

Customer: “Okay, it came up.”

Me: “All right, it looks like we got the address wrong the first time. Let’s try it again.” *I spell out the entire URL*

Customer: “It’s still not working.”

Me: “Okay, could you please spell it back to me?”

Customer: “H-T-T-P-F…”

Me: “I see what happened here. At the beginning, we need to put H-T-T-P-S as in ‘Sierra’.”

Customer: “OK, H-T-T-P-F…”

Me: “No, not ‘F’ as in Frank, ‘S’ as in Sam. ‘S’ as in sample.”

Customer: “H-T-T-P-F…”

Me: “Sir, no, we need to make sure that it is an S as in Sierra.” ‘S’ as in solution.”

Customer: *really upset at this point* “YOU’RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE! F AS IN SIERRA?! F AS IN SIERRA?! SIERRA BEGINS WITH AN S!

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As Shameless As She Is Shirtless

, , | Right | July 15, 2009

(I’m second in line to use a dressing room. In front of me is an impatient lady.)

Customer: “When will I get to use the dressing rooms?”

Attendant: “Very soon, madam. You’re next in line, so it should be any minute now.”

Customer: “But I’ve been here ten minutes already!”

Attendant: “Have some patience, madam. One of the rooms should be free any moment now.”

(Suddenly, the customer starts to undress right in front of everyone.)

Attendant: “Madam! Please wait for one of the dressing rooms to be free before you remove any more clothing!”

(The customer stops, but not before removing her shirt and exposing her bra.)

Customer: “FINE!”

(Another customer walks out and the shirtless customer finally walks into a dressing room.)

Attendant, to me: “Wow… just in time. I didn’t need to see any more of that!”

(As if on cue, the impatient customer comes back out, but this time she’s completely topless.)

Topless Customer: *to attendant* “Here, take this shirt back. It’s too revealing!”

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