The Wrong Color And Attitude

| Emeryville, CA, USA | Crazy Requests

(I work at a well-known company that sells cosmetics, skincare, fragrance, and hair products. This takes place at cash wrap. The client has a new canister of colored hairspray in hand, and had just dumped out a bag of trash — receipts, used tissues, used sponges, and a used hairspray canister — onto my counter.)

Client: “I’m exchanging this root concealer for that one there.”

Me: “Sure thing. Was there something wrong with the product?”

Client: “It was the wrong color! It’s black! I’ve spent forty thousand dollars on this same f****** color for years and I only found out today they have it in light brown! Why have you people never told me it comes in light brown?!”

Me: “Well, we do have testers so you can check the color… but I’m happy to exchange it for you. May I see the old canister?” *I test the nozzle* “Ma’am, this canister is empty…”

Client: “It was the wrong f****** color! I had to rub it into my head and mix it with foundation powder to get it to the right color!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, but if it was the wrong color when you first got the product, you could have brought it back to us before using the entire canister. You’re asking me to give you a free can of root concealer so we can recycle your old can for you.”

Client: “But I’ve spent forty thousand dollars on this same f****** color!”

Me: “Ma’am, let me try this another way: would you ever go to a deli, pick up a pre-wrapped and clearly labelled turkey sandwich, eat the entire sandwich, then bring the empty wrapper to the guy at the counter and demand a new sandwich and a refund because you’d rather have chicken?”

Client: “Who would do that?! That’d be ridiculous!”

Me: “I’m sorry… but I can’t exchange your empty canister for a new one.”

Client: “But it was the wrong f****** color!”

(This went on for a good ten minutes. She left muttering “Forty thousand dollars!” with all of her trash still on my counter.)

The Difference Between Hard And Soft Reading Habits

| Dallas, TX, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

(I work at a bookstore where we regularly receive phone calls at the information desk for books to be put on hold. We usually ask for the title and go locate whatever copies we have and then call the customer back. This teenage-sounding boy has asked for a book that’s on many high school reading lists and I have gone and gotten the hardback and paperback versions and am calling back to see which he would prefer:)

Me: “Hi, [Customer], this is [My Name] calling you back from [Store]. I was able to locate a hardback and paperback of Lord of the Flies and was wondering which you would like to be put on hold?”

Customer: “How much are they?”

Me: “The paperback is only 1.50 but the larger hardback, which would leave you more room to write in, if this is for a class, is 5.00.”

Customer: “And when you say paperback, what do you mean?”

Me: “Um… it has a paper cover rather than a hard one and is a smaller version of the book.”

Customer: “So, like, it doesn’t have an actual cover?”

Me: “No, it does. It just happens to be a paper cover rather than a hardback.”

Customer: “So, is it like plastic?”

(This goes on for quite a while, while I attempt to come up with different ways to describe a paperback, which is harder to do than you think. Finally he says—)

Customer: “Okay, just forget it. Thank you.”

Me: “Okay. Well, I mean, the paperback is only 1.50.”

Customer: “I’m just not getting what you’re trying to tell me.”

Me: “How about I just put them both on hold and you can come look yourself?”

Customer: “Great!” *hangs up*

(I wish I could have been there when he saw what we were debating over.)

Only One A**-Hole Here

| Marina, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

Me: “Good morning, sir. Did you find everything all right?”

Customer: *grumpy* “I couldn’t find [Obscure Movie].”

Me: “Well, I don’t have access to our inventory system at the cash register, but if you’d like to head over to customer service, they’ll be able to help you.”

Customer: “Well, can you radio over to those a**-holes to see if they have it?”

(I wanted to help him, but at this point, he loses me.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but there is a line at customer service, so I can’t radio over and have you jump the other customers.”

Customer: *angry now* “Well then get one of those a**-holes on the sales floor to find it for me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but here at [Store], we don’t hire a**-holes. If you’d like, though, I can find a sales associate to help you.”

(The customer proceeded to turn bright red, slam the stuff he was going to buy on the counter, and storm out.)

This Customer Is Causing A Real Stink

| Columbus, OH, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I work on an online jewelry shop, taking calls for customers who are either confused with products or their prices, our delivery services, etc.)

Me: “[Jewelry Store], this is [My Name]. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “Hello! Do you sell deodorant?”

Me: *trying to hold in my laughter* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You know, deodorant. The stuff you put on your armpits?”

Me: “Ma’am, I know what deodorant is, but this is a jewelry store… We don’t sell deodorant or any sort of hygiene-like products; only jewelry. I’m sorry for your inconvenience.”

Customer: “But jewelry is a beauty product…”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I understand that. I don’t know what you’re getting at, though.”

Customer: “And deodorant is a hygiene product, to help with your beauty.”

Me: *trying not to die laughing* “Ma’am, have you seen our website?”

Customer: “Yes. What do you mean?”

Me: *getting slightly more aggressive* “Did you see deodorant ANYWHERE on it?”

Customer: “No… I just thought you were out of stock.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I am 100% sure you can find deodorant at your local convenience store or grocery store without waiting for shipping.”

Customer: “I’d like to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Well, I’m pretty sure if I put my manager on the phone, he’ll say the same thing.”

(I put my manager on the phone.)

Customer: “Hello? Is this the manager?”

Manager: “Yes? I heard you were having some trouble on our website.”

Customer: “Yes, the little lady you have working here isn’t letting me buy deodorant from your website.”

Manager: “Ma’am, this is a jewelry store. We don’t sell deodorant or any sort of hygiene-like products; only jewelry. But, I’m pretty sure you can buy some deodorant from a store near you with no delivery waiting or cost.”

(My mind is blown because that is almost exactly what I said to this lady. The call finishes and the customer returns to me.)

Customer: “Well, I still don’t believe you.”

Using Your Rights To Right Some Wrongs

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal

(We kick out some teenagers who are kicking balls around the store. One teen kicks the ball so high it hits the lights and breaks them. As I am kicking them out, with security as backup, one of the teens says:)

Teen #1: “It is my God-given right to shop at [Store].”

Me: “And it is my law-given right to kick you out of the store for breaking store property. We can also involve the police, who also have the law-given right to charge you and arrest you. Would you like me to exercise those rights?”

Teen #2: “Uh… no.”

Me: “Then use your God-given legs and get out of my store.”

(My coworkers were trying to look threatening behind me but burst out laughing when I said that.)

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