Apples To Apples

| New Albany, OH, USA | New Albany, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Me: “Hi, can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “Yes! How do I know which of these apples are farm fresh?”

Me: “I’m… I’m not sure I understand?”

Customer: *clearly frustrated now* “Which of these apples are farm fresh and which are factory made?”

Not The Brightest Lantern In The Box

| Rochester, NY, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

(The restaurant where I work has oil lanterns on each table, and they are lit everyday at four pm before we lower the lights for atmosphere. I am lighting all the lanterns. I approach a table and launch into my standard explanation.)

Me: “Hi there. Excuse me, I’m just going to lean in here and light the lantern real quick.”

Customer: “Is that in your job description?”

Me: *confused* “Um, yes.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

Me: *trying to make a joke* “I don’t just go around randomly lighting lanterns!”

Customer: “REALLY?!”

(The customer seemed to think I was only lighting the lanterns because I felt like it. I have no idea why!)

Hunger Games: The Next Generation

| Elkhart, IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I’m busing a cluster of booths next to a woman and her young toddler.)

Mother: *plays on her phone*

Toddler: *screams*

Mother: *starts playing with the paper placemat and crayons and stickers we gave to her baby*

Toddler: *screams*

Mother: *receives her order and, as she shovels it down her throat, goes back to her phone*

Toddler: *screams louder*

(This goes on for over 20 minutes and she does nothing to acknowledge the baby, but many guests are complaining to the manager.)

Manager: “Ma’am, is your baby all right?”

Mother: “He does that a lot. Just ignore him. He’ll shut up.”

(I nearly drop my bus tub in shock. My manager sees the look on my face and signals me to just go back to the kitchen/dish pit. He comes back to talk to me a few minutes later, after the baby’s stopped crying.)

Me: “Did you ask her to leave?”

Manager: “No, I gave the baby a plate of cheese fries. He was just hungry.

Me: “I hate people.”

Manager: “Next time, don’t look like you’re going to hit her and you can stay and watch the show.”

(The kicker? Other than the fact that she hadn’t even ordered for her child, my workplace offers a weekend deal where children under four eat for free!)

Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 24

| Jacksonville, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer walks in with a PSP he purchased recently from our store.)

Customer: “My PSP won’t connect to the Internet. Keeps giving me an error.”

Me: “Huh, weird. You have a good connection to your wifi right?”

Customer: “Wifi?”

Me: “Yeah, your wireless Internet. What’s the signal strength when you try to connect?”

(Customer looks at me like I’m from Mars.)

Me: “You do have Internet at home right?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Well, you need to have the Internet at home in order to be able to use the Internet.”

Customer: “I just thought the Internet came with the PSP when I bought it.”

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 23
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 22
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 21

Serving Donald Trump

| Portland, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry

(I work as a U-Scan attendant at a large grocery store. The company is currently running a promotion for a new line of Mexican food, which means we get to wear t-shirts that say “Taste of Mexico” on the front.)

Customer: “Why are you wearing all that Mexican stuff? We have enough Mexicans around here.”

Me: *walking away* “Oh… kay…”