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Children Of The Corn Sandwich

| USA | Bizarre

(I’m working at a coffee shop in a larger department store. We have a problem customer who comes in multiple time a day on weekends. He’s not aggressive, but he’s usually high.)

Customer: “How much are those sandwiches?”

Me: “Most of our sandwiches are $6.84.”

Customer: “I don’t want anyone to know. Those kids, they know I’m buying sandwiches. They always know.”

(There are no children present.)

Me: *getting confused* “We put the sandwich in a bag.”

Customer: “No, the kids always know. They’re very smart. What if I get a gift card? Then they won’t know! Give me a gift card for the sandwich.”

Me: “Okay, that’s $6.84. Would you like anything else?”

Customer: “Are you sure they won’t know? I don’t want the kids to know about my sandwich.”

Me: “Uh, no, I don’t think they’ll know about it.”

(He bought a gift card for the exact price of the sandwich, and then used it to pay for his sandwich, all while going on about “the kids always know.”)

Coworker: “What was that about?”

Me: “Weed. That was about weed.”

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The Name Game(show)

| USA | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV, Popular

(I take complaints and record feedback for a well-known TV channel.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”

Caller: “This is unacceptable! Your game show last night was incredibly racist!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I appreciate your call. What show are you talking about and what seems to be the problem!”

Caller: “Last night on [Game Show], an African-American woman was named Ebony! That’s racist! Just because she’s black doesn’t mean you can name her Ebony!”

Me: “Uh… what?”

Caller: “You heard me!”

Me: “Ma’am, let me get this straight; you are complaining about a contestant’s name?”

Caller: “Yes! On [Game Show] last night!”

Me: “[Game Show]? You mean on [Competitor’s Channel]?”

Caller: “Of course! Are you an idiot!”

Me: “You do realize this is [Other Channel], and we don’t play episodes of [Game Show]?”

Caller: “Do something! Her name is completely racist! Think of all of the children that were watching! How could you name someone that?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to say this once. You have called the wrong channel, complained about a show we don’t even host, and want us to do something about a contestant’s name, which is given to them by their parents?”

Caller: “Yes! Why aren’t you doing anything?”

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Rage Against The Machine

| NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a debt relief company, and due to that, we get many angry callers demanding to know how we “found their number” (we got it from that Get Debt Relief application you filled out yesterday) and those who think we’re either collectors or scammers. I had a great conversation today with a woman who thought I was a robot.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Debt Relief Company]. This is [My Name] speaking; how can I help you?”

Caller: “Are you one of those robots?”

Me: “No, my name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “You sound like a robot.”

Me: “I assure you that I am a real person. My name is [My Name]. How can I be of assistance?”

Caller: “They could have recorded that!”

Me: “I am not a recording.”

Caller: “Of course the recording would say that!”

Me: “You’re wasting my time. Goodbye.”

(I disconnected the call as, fortunately, we are allowed to do. Sadly, not everyone is so lucky, and many jobs expect you to put up with that crap.)