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Those Must Be Some Magic Beans

| Richmond, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

Customer: “I need a pound of beans. Do you have any Mexican beans?”

Me: “Today all we have are beans from Ethiopia and Sumatra.”

Customer: “Which one of those is from Mexico?”

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Take It On The House!

| Richmond, VA, USA | Food & Drink

Customer: “What is your house blend today?”

Me: “Today our drip coffee is from Brazil. We actually don’t use blends. Everything is single-origin.”

Customer: “So you don’t have house blends?”

Me: “These beans are lightly roasted, which many people prefer for drip coffee. I think you will be satisfied.”

Customer: “But I just want a house blend!”

Me: *handing her a cup* “Try the Brazil. That is the only coffee we have brewed at the moment.”

Customer: “Will you brew a house blend later today?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: *looking at the airpot* “So Brazil is your only house blend today?”

Me: “Yes.”

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Keep Going Simpler Until He Bytes

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a retail store and I pick up a phone call. It is not abnormal for us to have people ask questions over the phone for rate plans and device info.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering about your prepaid plans. How much are they?”

Me: “The $50 plan gets you unlimited talk text and data with 1GB of 4G and the rest 2G speeds.”

Customer: “Oh okay. I have 2.5 GB right now…”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “Which is more?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Is 1GB more than 2.5GB?”

Me: “2.5GB is more than 1GB, sir.”

Customer: “Oh… how much more is it?”

Me: “I’m sorry? How much more is 2.5GB than 1GB?”

Customer: “Yeah…”

Me: “Uh…”

(I go on an elaborate explanation breaking down 1GB to approximately 1000 MB and 2.5GB to 2,500MB and hoped he could see the difference between the two better that way.)

Customer: “Um… okay… so…”

Me: “It’s double and a half more.”

Customer: “Oh! Double and a half! Okay! Thanks!”

Me: “You have a nice day, sir…”

(I could think of no simpler way to explain basic arithmetic to him.)

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Not Scoring Any Extra Points

| UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’ve owned an Xbox for a while, and recently bought a PS3, so I go to a video game shop to get some points to spend on DLC – downloadable content)

Me: “Hi, do you sell the equivalent of Microsoft points for the PS3?”

Cashier: “Yes, we have PSN points. Can I just check that you have online access?”

Me: *confused* “Yes…”

Cashier: “Sorry, we have to ask now. Some customers have bought points when they don’t have online access.”

Me: “People really do that?”

Cashier: “Yeah, and then since it’s a code, we can’t do a refund when they bring it back.”

Me: “Wow.”

(I’m not sure where those customers thought they’d download the DLC from if they don’t have online access…)

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I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 23

| OH, USA | Crazy Requests

(I’ve just gotten off work. I head over to the mall to shop a bit before going home. I go to a national coffee chain and order a drink. While waiting for it, someone walks up to me. Note: I’m still in my uniform, which is red, and my name tag, with the logo of the company I work for.)

Customer: “Excuse me, shouldn’t you be making drinks?! It’s busy!”

Me: “Uhm… excuse me?”

Customer: “You heard me! Get off your lazy a** and go back behind the counter!”

Me: “I… ma’am, I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Oh, now you’re making s*** up! Get your manager!”

Me: “Ma’am, I work at [Store].”

Customer: “No, you work here!”

(One of the actual employees hears her yelling and comes over.)

Employee: “Ma’am, she doesn’t work here. If she did, she’d be wearing a shirt like mine. And her name tag would say [Store], not [Name].”

Customer: “Well!” *takes her drink and storms off*

(The employee and I look at each other.)

Employee: “So… extra shot of espresso?”

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 22
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 21
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 20

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