Jokes From Down Under Are Just Too Alien

, , , | Right | February 3, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Video Rental Place]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Have you seen District 9?”

Me: “Yes, I have. Do you have questions about it?”

Caller: “Is this some sort of Australian joke?”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Caller: “All this movie has been is interviews with government people and aliens wearing brassieres! Am I watching some weird special feature or is this some kind of Australian joke?”

Me: “Well, the movie is in a documentary style and that definitely sounds like the beginning of the movie. If you want, you can come down to the store and exchange it for no charge.”

Caller: “Thank you very much. Those Australians have a weird sense of humor, man. I should know…I used to be married to a Brit and they’re strange, too!”

Me: “All right, sir, you have a good night.”

Caller: “Okay. I will put in a decent movie now which is not an Australian joke.”

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Just Give Them A Watered Down Answer

, , , , , , , | Right | February 3, 2010

(I work at a hotel half an hour away from Niagara Falls.)

Customer: “What time do the Falls stop?”

Me: “You mean the stores? I think they’re probably closed-”

Customer: “No, no, the Falls. What time do they run until?”

Me: “The lights? I believe 10 or so–”

Customer: “No, no, I mean the actual waterfall. What time do they turn it off?”

Me: “Midnight.”

(It’s about 11:30 pm, so they thank me and run out. Two hours later, they return.)

Customer: “Thanks a lot for the help earlier! I guess it was our lucky day. They didn’t turn them off yet!”


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Pride Goeth Before The Balls

, , , , | Right | February 2, 2010

Customer: “I want to adopt this dog. When can I take him home?”

Me: “He’ll have to be neutered before he can go home. You can take him home in the afternoon.”

Customer: “Wait, why does he have to be neutered?”

Me: “Well, this is an animal shelter. All these animals are homeless and we don’t want to add to that with any accidental breeding.”

Customer: “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! A dog like him could produce some great pups.”

Me: “Well, it’s our policy. He will be neutered before he leaves this building. It’s required.”

Customer: “Will you guys at least put in fake implants? At least then he can keep his dignity.”

Me: “Um… I don’t think we do that sort of thing.”

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Cup Is Half Full, Brain Is Sadly Not

, , | Right | February 2, 2010

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Do you have decaf?”

Me: “We do. What size would you like?”

Customer: “Well, I was wondering if I could have half decaf and half regular?”

Me: “Sure thing.”

Customer: “If I do that, which one will be on the top?”

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How Not To Get Into Their Good Books

, , , | Right | February 2, 2010

Me: “Hi, thanks for calling [Bookstore]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, how much are your books?”

Me: “What book were you looking for?”

Caller: “No, your books. How much are they?”

Me: “They are all priced differently. Are you looking for one in particular?”

Caller: “No.” *click*

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