Those Who Definitely Can’t

, , , , , | Right | February 20, 2010

Customer: “Hi, can you tell me about your Educator Appreciation Weekend?

Me: “Sure! Teachers normally get 20% off on things they buy for their classroom.”

Customer: “Okay, so how do I prove that I’m a teacher?”

Me: “Do you have a pay stub from your school?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a school ID?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a card from a teacher’s union?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a medical insurance card that shows that you’re on an educator plan?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Maybe a vision or dental insurance card?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a business card?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have any letters from the school or district to you?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Is there a number I could call to verify your employment with a school?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have anything, anything at all, with both your name on it, and the name of some kind of school or educational organization?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Well, I’m stumped. I can’t think of any other way that you could show that you’re a teacher.”

Customer: “Wow, you really don’t make this easy for us, do you?”

1 Thumbs
4,964

Turn That Crown Upside Down

, , , , | Right | February 20, 2010

Me: “Do you have a Crown Club Card?”

Customer: “Crown Club? More like Clown Club! What a worthless program!”

Me: “Actually, if you had a Club Card today, you would get a coupon for a small popcorn for $1.”

Customer: “Where do I sign up?”

1 Thumbs
2,142

Purell-y Out Of His Mind

, , , , | Right | February 19, 2010

Customer: “Mmm, it smells great in here! I sure do love the coffee here at [Coffee Shop]!”

Me: “Well, I’m glad! Would you like a coffee, then?”

Customer: “So tell me, how do you brew your coffee here? Is this your coffee making machine?”

Me: “Yes, sir, it is.”

Customer: “Tell me, young woman, how does this machine work? How do you clean it?”

Me: “Well, we put coffee in these baskets, and it brews into these pots. We clean them with–”

Customer: “Because, see, I have a fantastic business idea for you! It will be a great investment opportunity, a revolutionary way to brew coffee! I will share stock with you, if you help me!”

Me: “Sir, if you have a suggestion, your best bet would be to submit it to [Company Website]. I don’t control what equipment we use or how we brew coffee. Can I get you a drink?”

Customer: “Because, see, I love coffee! But my clothes are never clean! And you know that sanitizer stuff… what’s it called… Purell?”

Me: “Uhh… I guess.”

Customer: “Right! So, see… what you need to do is put the Purell in the coffee and then brew it. Then, when I drink the coffee, it will be sanitized, and when the coffee seeps out my pores, it will clean my clothes while I am wearing them! It is revolutionary!”

Me: “Sir, again, I don’t control operations here, so you need to submit this idea to our corporate office. I can’t help you.”

Customer: “It will save so much time! I have a whole system worked out. I call it ‘Pizazz.’ Would you like to be a shareholder with me? We will make so much money!”

Me: “No, thank you.”

Customer: “PIZAZZ! Don’t you get it? Pores. Clothes. Cleaning! Would anybody else that works here like to buy stock?”

Me: “Sir, I doubt it.”

Customer: “Okay, thank you so very much for your time. It will be a revolution! You are beautiful!” *wanders out the door, still rambling about his big idea*


This story is part of our Weird Customers roundup!

Read the next Weird Customer story!

Read the Weird Customer roundup!

1 Thumbs
3,375

They’re Not Zits, But They Rhyme With Them

, , , | Right | February 19, 2010

(A customer walks up to our front desk in the waiting room area and places a kitty carrier on the desk.)

Me: “Hi, do you need an appointment?”

Customer: “Uh. No. I just need some acne cream for cats.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

(The customer pulls a cat out of the carrier and sets it on the desk.)

Customer: “See? She has acne on her belly.”

Me: “Those aren’t acne. Those are nipples.”


This story is part of the American States roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

1 Thumbs
4,977

Cost In The Translation

, , , , , | Right | February 19, 2010

(In the store we put on our own price tags, but customers have a bad habit of taking them off to get a lower price.)

Customer: “Hi, could I get a price on this?”

Me: “Sure.” *takes a look* “It’ll be $14.99.”

Customer’s Daughter: *in Spanish* “Wow, mom, that’s more expensive than the real tag!”

Customer: “No, thanks.”

Me: *in Spanish* “Have a good day, and come back soon!” *wink*


This story is part of our Customers Caught Lying roundup!

Read the next Customers Caught Lying roundup story!

Read the Customers Caught Lying roundup!

1 Thumbs
4,326