Reading Empty Minds

, , , , , | Right | February 8, 2010

(Our library helps a lot of people finish off the crossword puzzles from their newspapers. I’d helped one man find the answer to a very difficult one earlier in the day. I overhear a lady asking her about the same crossword to my colleague.

Me: “Excuse me, the answer is ‘Salome.’”

Colleague: “Thanks, that fits perfectly.”

Customer: “But… no, how can she know? She wasn’t even here!”

Me “I overheard you from-”

Customer: “No! You read my mind didn’t you! That’s wonderful! Do it again! What am I thinking about now?”

(She looks around the library. I notice her eyes linger on a Superman poster.)

Me: “Um… Superman?”

Customer: “F***!”

Colleague: “Ma’am, please don’t curse in the library.”

Customer:: “Oh, sorry.” *to me* “Did you hear me swear in my thoughts? Is that how you knew?”

Me: “No, you just shouted it.”

Customer: “Oh. That’s a shame.”


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Pray It’s Not Sold Out At Times Square

, , , , | Right | February 8, 2010

Customer: “Two senior tickets for [Film].”

Me: “I’m sorry, we’re no longer playing that film.”

Customer: “What? But you were playing it yesterday!”

Me: “Well, we usually get new movies on Friday.”

Customer: “My friend looked online and it said it was playing here.”

Me: “What website did you friend go to? Did it say the film would be playing here on Friday? Sometimes the websites get the movie listings wrong.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! I’m a native New Yorker and if this was New York, you’d be shot!”

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It’s Difficult To Make It Any Simpler

, , , , , | Right | February 8, 2010

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I just bought a Xbox 360 and it doesn’t work.”

Me: “Could you describe the problem, ma’am?”

Caller: “It won’t turn on. I took it out of the box and it won’t turn on.”

Me: “Are all the cables plugged into the system TV and wall outlet?”

Caller: “I have to plug it in?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. It will not work unless it is plugged in.”

Caller: “How do I do that?”

(I go through the steps of connecting the AV cables and the power plug.)

Caller:  “It still won’t turn on.”

Me: “Did you push the power button?”

Caller: “What’s that?”

Me: “The big round button on the front of the console.”

Caller: “I don’t know why you make these machines so difficult to use!” *hangs up*

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Closing Early Has Grim Reaper-cussions

, , , , , , | Right | February 7, 2010

(The chain store has a pharmacy that closes at 7:00 pm. A couple is in my lane at 8:30 pm.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Not unless you can break into the pharmacy and get my wife’s prescription.”

Me: *chuckle* “Sorry, sir, I can’t do that.”

Customer: *completely serious* “She’s gonna die without it. Oh, well.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “It’s okay; she’s old enough to die anyway.”

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No Fortitude For Longitude

, , , , , , | Right | February 7, 2010

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, hello. I ordered some shoes from your store and put it at a one-day delivery. It said it was supposed to be delivered by 4:00 today, and it hasn’t been delivered yet.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. Where are you calling from?”

Customer: “Dallas.”

Me: “Dallas, Texas, sir?”

Customer: “You know any other Dallas?”

(I check the time and see that it’s 3:00)

Me: “Sir, it’s only 3:00.”

Customer: “Now listen here, son, just because it’s three o’clock where you are doesn’t mean it’s the same time over here!”

Me: “Sir, Dallas is in the same time zone as Chicago.”

Customer: “Boy, do I need to get you a map? Dallas is a million miles from Chicago!”

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