Ah, Parents…

, , , , | Right | February 9, 2008

(The phone rings at around six-ish.)

Me: “Hello, this is D-…”

(I hear loud crying in the background.)

Man: “Hello, Disney World? I’m just calling to say that if my children don’t finish their vegetables in the next five minutes, we won’t be visiting you this year.”

Me: “I… er… What?”

Man: *whispering* “Thank you.” *click*

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Jesus, Now Peanut Free!

| | Right | February 9, 2008

(It is Ash Wednesday and we have kids form next door come over for Mass in the morning. I’m serving as a communion minister as the kids start to come up. One little guy came up right away and just stood there with his hands at his sides looking at me.)

Me: “Do you take communion yet?”

Him: “Do those have peanuts?”

Me: “?”

Him: “‘Cause I can’t have peanuts.”

Me: “No peanuts here, but have you had communion yet?”

Him: “I don’t think I should, just in case there’s peanuts. I can’t have any.”

Me: “How about we just give you a blessing then?” *I make the sign of a cross on his forehead and give him a blessing*

Him: “Thanks, maybe next time there won’t be any peanuts. I can’t have those.”

Me: *wonders if we should make up a “Jesus – Now Peanut Free!” sign, just in case* ;o)

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Paging Miss Cleo

| | Right | February 9, 2008

Customer: “Do you have that movie with that guy?”

Me: “Which guy?”

Customer: “Don’t you know what I’m talking about?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I don’t, but if you could tell me which actor was in the movie perhaps I could think of it for you.”

Customer: “You know, that one that was in that movie.”

 

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A Nasty Case Of Selective Illiteracyosis

, , , | | Right | February 9, 2008

(We have a “buy two, get one free” sale right after Christmas. The sign clearly says “lowest item free.”)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to buy these…” *shows me two $2.99 games for the Gamecube* “…and get this one free.” *shows me a used copy of Halo 3 for $54.99*

Me: “I’d like a million dollars.”

Customer: “I’m serious!”

Me: “So am I, sir. I’m sorry, that’s not how the ‘buy two, get one free’ works. You’d get one of the $2.99 games free.”

Customer: “THAT’S NOT WHAT THE SIGN SAYS! IT SAYS ‘BUY TWO, GET ONE FREE’!”

(I take the sign off wall and read it to customer.)

Me: “‘Buy two games, get one free’ on all used games. Please note that the lowest priced item will be free.”

Customer: “That’s not what the sign says! I’m going to sue you for false advertising!”

Me: “Sir, I don’t believe you can sue me because you can’t read.”

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She Uses The Google, Part 2

| | Right | February 9, 2008

(Over the phone…)

Lady: “Is there a way to see your menu before coming in?”

Me: “Yes, you can google the name of the restaurant and the first link should take you to a menu.”

Lady: “What’s…’google’ mean?”

Me: “It’s a search engine on the internet. It’s at google.com.”

Lady: “Just a sec…” *faintly* “Google…dot…com…”

Lady: “It’s not working.”

Me: “Did you spell the our name correctly?”

Lady: “I can’t even get to this ‘google’ page! Wait… how do you spell ‘dot’?”

 

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