A Sticky Problem

, , | Right | October 7, 2009

Caller: “I have been asked to send in documents to get this loan. I want to know if I can have it or not.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll go and find out for you…”

(I pull up the caller’s account and look at the documents he sent in: the passport was hand-drawn. It even had a stick man where the photo should be.)

Me: “Sir your loan has been rejected due to your documents being… uh… tampered with.”

Caller: *hangs up*

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Ix Nay On The Eesh Squeesh

, , , , | Right | October 7, 2009

Me: “Do you want anything else with your sandwich?”

Customer: “Peppers, olives, and eesh squeesh.”

Me: “…Excuse me?”

Customer: “Peppers, olives, eesh squeesh.”

Me: “Eesh squeesh? ”

Customer: “Yeah, eesh squeesh. Right there.” *points at the onions*

Me: “You mean onions?”

Customer: “Yeah, eesh squeesh.”

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If The Zits Don’t Kill You, The Angst Will

, , , | Healthy Right | October 6, 2009

Me: Hello this is [Doctor’s Office]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Help! I’ve sprouted a nipple on my forehead!”

(From the caller’s voice, I could tell that it was a female teenager.)

Me: “Excuse me? If this is a prank, I can report you–”

Caller: “No, this is not a prank! This morning I got up, and there was this huge, red lump on my forehead… and now I’ve poked it and this milk is coming out!”

Me: “Hon, that’s a pimple, not a nipple.”

Caller: “Oh…” *gasps* “Is it deadly?”

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Read/Write/Think Error

, , | Right | October 6, 2009

Customer: “You said you were going to save all my data to the DVD! I can’t get anything!”

Me: “I assure you, I saved it to that DVD.”

Customer: “No, no! It’s still not there! It keeps telling me to insert the disk!”

Me: “Well… did you put the DVD in the drive yet?”

Customer: “No! Does it have to be there?”

Me: “Yes, it does. You can’t view the contents of the DVD unless the drive is able to read the DVD.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just silly!”

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Not How You A-Dress A Customer

, , | Right | October 6, 2009

Me: “Hello, [Pizza Delivery]. Can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to order some pizzas, please.”

Me: “No problem.”

(The call proceeds normally; she orders two pizzas and we make a little small talk.)

Customer: “Can you deliver them, please?”

Me: “Sure, address?”

Customer: *long pause* “Pardon?”

Me: “The address?”

Customer: *long pause again* “I’d like to speak to your manager now, please.”

Me: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “Just put your manager on!”

(I call my manager over.)

Manager: “Hello, what appears to be the issue?”

(The manager talks with the customer for a while. He eventually hangs up, throws the order slip in the trash, and bursts out laughing.)

Me: “What was all that about?”

Manager: “She thought you were asking if she was wearing ‘a dress’ and wanted to complain.”

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