The Honest Crook

| | Right | February 12, 2008

(I work in the music section of a bookstore. One day, we caught one of our regulars shoplifting and banned him. The very next day, he walks in as if nothing happened.)

Me: “Dude, you aren’t allowed to be here. You were banned.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “You stole a CD from me.”

Customer: “But I gave it back!”

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Good, Because Beagles Don’t Like Fridges

| | Right | February 11, 2008

(This guy with a thick Bosnian accent comes up to me.)

Customer: “I am looking for beekels.”

Me: “Beekels?”

Customer: “Okay…”

(I show him where are the bagels are.)

Customer: “No, Not bread. Beekles.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “The kind you put in fridge.”

Me: “Oh.”

(I go to the freezers and show him the frozen bagels.)

Customer: “NO! NOT BREAD! BEEKLES!”

Me: “I can’t…I don’t know…uh…”

(He walks away. A few Aisles away he sees it and picks up.)

Customer: “This is what I was looking for.”

Me: “Oh, pickles…”

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Whoever Blinks First Loses

| | Right | February 11, 2008

(It was Christmas time, and we were all extra weary of credit card fraud, so we were required to check IDs with all credit card purchases.)

Me: “The total is $17.88.”

(Customer pulls out a credit card.)

Me: “Will that be credit or debit?”

Customer: “Credit.”

Me: “Alright. Do you mind if I see your ID?”

Customer: “What if I do mind?”

Me: “Then we’re at a stalemate.”

(I fold my arms, and look at her straight in the eyes.)

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Believe Me, She’ll Be Back

| | Right | February 10, 2008

(I was working for the electronics department for a well known retail chain when I was contacted by the customer service desk.)

Customer Service: “A woman is headed your way who’s exchanging a phone, can you give her a hand?”

Me: “Sure.”

(Sure enough, a minute or two later, the woman appears.)

Woman: “I’m here to get a new phone. The phone I bought had been used already; there were phone numbers in the caller ID.”

Me: “Alright, lets get you a new one.”

(I walk her to the phone aisle and we pick up another phone of the same make/model.)

Woman: “Can you open it? I just want to make sure that it is brand new.”

Me: “Sure.”

(I proceed to open the box and pull out the phone.)

Woman: “That one’s been used too! Look at the numbers on the caller ID!”

(I now realize that she’s referring to the display sticker.)

Me: “No, that’s just a sticker they put on the phone to show that it has caller ID.”

Woman: “No, that phone has been used!”

(I then peel the sticker off the phone. Without saying another word, she takes the phone over to customer service to finish the exchange.)

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An Expensive Temper Tantrum

| | Right | February 10, 2008

(I was cashiering and couldn’t help but overhear a woman screaming and waving her receipt at my Store Director in front of the exit/entrance to the store.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I came to see if the food I buy is cheaper than at [competitor] and it is. But they always give me a free bag after I get a certain amount of points!”

Director: “I know they do. But we aren’t them, we simply don’t do that.”

Customer: “Well why not?!”

Director: “We just don’t. It’s not my decision to make.”

Customer: “UGH!” *rips up the receipt and throws it in the directors face* “FINE THEN, I’LL BUY FROM [competitor] INSTEAD!!”

Director: “Okay, have a nice day!” *waves pleasantly and walks over to me to give me change that I needed*

Me: “Did she just leave without getting a refund for those five 40 lb. bags of dog food?”

(Note: this comes to approximately $125 without tax.)

Director: “Yup, and she ripped up the receipt and didn’t take it with her, which means she has no proof she ever bought the food.”

Me: “…so if she comes back?”

Director: *smiles wide* “Tell her that you need to see the proof.”

(The woman never returned for her refund. Thanks for the $125, lady.)

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