Fake On A Break

, , , , , | Right | February 12, 2010

Me: “May I see some ID, sir?”

Customer: “Uh, yeah. Here.”

(I take a look at the ID and am utterly speechless. It is by no means a bad fake, but the kid made one mistake when he ordered it. I motion over the bar manager, because I am utterly speechless. I hand him the fake.)

Manager: *laughing* “Kid, your fake says you are 19!”

(Everyone in line began laughing, and the kid took off. I noticed at least three other people in line check the date on their licenses.)


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Why Cashiers Should Rule The World

, , , , , | Right | February 12, 2010

(I’m a customer in the check-out line. I’m buying a box of tampons for my mom, who is bedridden after surgery. One of the two customers standing behind me in line speaks up.)

Other Customer: “Ha-ha what a p****. He’s buying tampons.”

(I ignore the two and move forwards to the cashier. She’s an attractive girl of about 20 years old.)

Cashier: “$5.71 after the discount.”

(I have no idea what discount she’s talking about, but I pay her and get my change.)

Cashier: *with a smile on her face* “Here you go, baby, I’m taking my break now and I’ll see you at home at eight. Just leave the tampons in my car, please.”

(She leaned over the counter and kissed me on the cheek. She then turned the light off on the register number and walked off towards the other side of the store. The two customers watched her with their jaws open and angrily walked off to another register.)

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For (Not) Cryin’ Out Loud

, , | Right | February 11, 2010

Customer: “How much is that bracelet in the display case?”

Me: “It’s $50.”

Customer: “Wow, that’s expensive, but it’s nice. I’ll take it.”

Me: “Okay, so your total is $50. We’re out of the store’s jewelry boxes, but I’d be happy to give you a gift bag for the bracelet.”

Customer: “But you have some nice boxes here on the counter, and the bracelets in them are cheaper than the one I’m buying. Why don’t the more expensive bracelets come in a box?”

Customer’s son: *looking embarrassed* “Mom, she doesn’t decide the prices.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Maybe there’s a wristwatch box that I can put this in.”

(I get a box from the watch department and show it to the customer.)

Me: “Is this box ok?”

Customer: “This box…” *points to the jewelry boxes on the counter* “…is so much nicer. Can’t you take the bracelet out of the box and switch it with this one?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, those bracelets are attached to the boxes.”

Customer’s son: “Mom, just take the watch box.”

Customer: “Can you at least switch the price tags?”

Customer’s son: *looks at her mom incredulously*

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll take it anyway, but I’ll have you know that I’m crying inside!”

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No Wonder He’s Always Stuffed

, , , , | Right | February 11, 2010

(Seated at one of my tables is a grown woman. Placed across from her is a stuffed animal.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. Can I start you off with a drink?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a diet Coke.”

Me: “Okay, one diet–”

Customer: *gestures to stuffed animal* “…and he’ll have your house wine.”

Me: *laughs, playing along* “He doesn’t look over 21, ma’am.”

Customer: *completely serious* “Oh, you’re right. He’ll just have a lemonade, then.”


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Not A Fan Of Spin Doctors

, , , , | Right | February 11, 2010

(I work the front desk at a doctor’s office, and one of the doctors fancies himself a musician. We give out a free copy of his CD when patients check-in.)

Patient: “What is this?”

Me: “Dr. [Name] is a musician and he recorded an album. We’re giving it as a free gift to our patients.”

Patient: “It’s free?”

Me: “Yes, sir!”

Patient: “But there’s a price on the back. It says $5.99.”

Me: “That’s because it is also sold in a few local music stores. But we’re giving it free to patients as a thank you gift.”

Patient: “What are you thanking me for?”

Me: “For being a loyal patient?”

Patient: “And all patients get them?”

Me: “Yes. all patients.”

(The patient looks around the room at the other two patients.)

Patient: “They don’t have CDs!”

Me: “They haven’t checked in yet. When they do, I’ll give them a CD.”

(The patient sits down, but comes back up while I’m helping the next patient. I haven’t given her the CD yet.)

Patient: *to other patient* “Did you get a free CD?”

Other Patient: “Uh… no.”

Patient: *to me* “Look, I don’t mean to be rude, but you clearly gave this to me because you have feelings for me, and I’m just not interested. I think it’s really inappropriate for you to come on to me when I’m here to see the doctor, and you’ve made me very uncomfortable. Please cancel my appointment.”

(I should mention that this guy was clearly out of my age range. That, and I work for a proctologist.)

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