An Un-Usual Request

, | Right | December 14, 2009

Me: “What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I’ll just have my usual.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t know your usual.”

Customer: “They know it on [Other Location].”

Me: “We’re not that location, sir. What would you like?”

Customer: “Just call ’em up and ask. I’ll wait!”

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Domestically Dimwitted

, , , , | Right | December 14, 2009

(Our store is famous for our women’s scents. I see a male customer looking uncomfortable.)

Customer: “Uh, miss? Can you help me?”

Me: “Of course. Who is it that you are shopping for today?”

Customer: “Well, we had a Secret Santa thing at the office, and I got this guy… um… he’s the kind of person with a domestic partner.”

Me: “Oh! I gotcha! We’ve got some great pre-made gift sets in the men’s department. There’s a wonderful shaving set and body washes, too.”

(I lead him to the men’s section. On the way, the customer sees a flowery red and pink gift box with one of our most popular woman’s fragrances inside.)

Customer: “What about this one? These are on sale, right?”

Me: “Well, yes, but that’s really a more feminine fragrance, a strong floral. Let me show you–”

Customer: “No, no, no. DO-MES-TIC PART-NER. I really think he’ll like this one better. You know, cause he’s… well, you know…”

Me: “Sir, we could set up a gift card for you. That way, he can pick out his own body care since you are unsure.”

Customer: “I don’t think you understand me. He’s… the guy is gay. I’ll take this one.”

(To the unfortunate gift recipient: I am so terribly sorry! I’ll be thinking of you this Christmas!)


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Urine Way Over Your Head, Part 3

, , , | Right | December 11, 2009

(I am working at the library reference desk. A teen patron approaches.)

Me: “Hi! What can I help you with?”

Customer: *looking away and fiddling with his hair* “Um… do you smoke pot?”

Me: “Uh… no.”

Customer: “See… there’s, like, this test right? And I’m not gonna be able to pass it, so can I like… um… buy your pee?”

Me: “No. That’s not a service we provide here.”

Customer: *slouches off*

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Fido’s Fashion Emergency

, | Right | December 11, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pet Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, operator. Can you please connect me to [Pet Store]?”

Me: “This is [Pet Store], ma’am.”

Customer: “[Pet Store]! I NEED TO BE CONNECTED TO [Pet Store]!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is [Pet Store].”

Customer: “[Pet Store!] I NEED TO BE CONNECTED IMMEDIATELY! IT’S AN EMERGENCY!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is [Pet Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, this is [Pet Store]? I’d like to buy a doggie sweater.”

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Jesus On The Dance Floor

, , | Right | December 11, 2009

Customer: “Hey, you guys shouldn’t have this DVD on the shelf! It’s very inappropriate!”

(The customer hands me a copy of “Jesus Christ: Superstar”.)

Me: “What’s so bad about it?”

Customer: “It is inappropriate to portray the son of God like this! He is not a rockstar!”

Me: “Okay. Well, you can submit a complaint with our corporate office, because I can’t control what gets put on our shelves.”

Customer: “Okay, well, I’m definitely adding in the fact that this DVD was horribly placed!”

Me: “Where was it?”

Customer: “It was on the floor! The son of God should not be on the floor!”

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