My Fellow Americans, You Are Crazy

, , , | Right | September 25, 2008

Me: “That will be [total].”

Customer: “Why’d your prices go up?”

Me: “Well, the cigarette tax just went up.”

Customer: “This sounds illegal.”

Me: “The state tax on cigarettes just went up. We don’t have control over that.”

Customer: “I know the President of the United States. I think I’m gonna give him a call.”

Me: “Okay… have a nice day.”

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Hoochie Grannies, Gotta Love ‘Em

, , , | Right | September 24, 2008

(A little old lady is getting coffee. She is wearing thick blue eyeshadow, pink circles of blush, and bright red lipstick.)

Me: “Here’s your coffee. That’ll be $2.75.”

Little Old Lady: *gives me a $20* “Keep the change, dear.”

Me: “That’s very generous, thank you!”

Little Old Lady: “After work, go buy yourself some makeup. Just because you work at a coffee shop doesn’t mean you have to look like a slob!”

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Almost As Bad As The Large Hadron Collider

| Right | September 24, 2008

Customer: “Hey, what’s the deal with this cherry slushie?”

Me: “Sorry, sir?”

Customer: “It’s WHITE!”

Me: “Yes, sir…”

Customer: “Why isn’t it RED?!”

Me: “Sir, the watermelon flavor is red.”

Customer: “That’s sacrilegious!”

Me: “Sir, the color does not make a difference in the flavor.”

Customer: “You should be ashamed!”

Customer’s Wife: “Okay, let’s just let the man do his job, it’s not his fault for the color of the slushies.”

Customer: “It’s embarrassing!”

Customer’s Wife: *to me* “I’m sorry…”

Me: “Have a nice day.”

Customer: “YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!”

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Trust Me, The Dull Finish Suits You

, | Right | September 24, 2008

(A customer is looking at hardware we have on display.)

Customer: “Is the polished finish… dull?”

Me: “No. The polished finish is polished.”

Customer: “Oh… so what’s the dull finish?”

Me: “The dull finish… is sometimes called brushed.

Customer: “So, it’s not polished?”

Me: “No. Polished is like a mirror. You can see your reflection.”

Customer: “Oh… what do you see on the dull finish?”

Me: *face palm*

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We Have No Power, Starring Samuel L. Jackson

, , | Right | September 23, 2008

(During a major power outage that left all of Cincinnati in the dark for days, a woman calls the theater asking about movie times.)

Customer: “Hi, what movies do you have playing today?”

Me: “None, we don’t have electricity.”

Customer: “And what time does that start?”

Me: “Ma’am, we aren’t open.”

Customer: “That’s too early. What else you got?”

Me: “NO MOVIES ARE SHOWING TODAY!”

Customer: “I heard that was no good.”

Me: “We can’t show movies because we have no power!”

Customer: “Is that the movie with Samuel L Jackson?”

Me: *gives up* “Yes, ma’am. It starts at six pm but you might want to be here early because it gets crowded this time of day.”

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