A Runaway Train Of Thought

, , , , | Right | August 4, 2009

(A caller phones into our car rental company looking for a vehicle, but we’re sold out in every nearby location.)

Caller: “Why aren’t there any cars for me? Everyone I ask tells me they’re out of cars!”

Me: “We’ve been having a hard time keeping a hold on any cars with this tourist season.”

Caller: “Terrorism?”

Me: “No, ma’am, the tourist season. It’s been a really big push into your area lately, so Florida’s swamped.”

Caller: “Everyone’s been blaming the terrorists today. Why are we all letting the terrorists win?” *begins sobbing*

Me: “Ma’am, it’s tourists, not terrorists.”

Caller: “I’m an American! In America! Why are we letting them ruin my life? We can’t let these terrorists win!” *continues sobbing for a moment and then hangs up*

1 Thumbs
2,895

One Good Turn Perturbs Another

, , | Right | August 4, 2009

(A customer comes into our restaurant and angrily slams his pizza box on the front counter.)

Me: “Hello, sir… How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I ordered half pepperoni and half sausage!”

Me: *opens the box* “It looks fine to me, sir. What’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “I wanted my pepperoni on the LEFT side!”

1 Thumbs
4,076

The Featherweight Watchers Program

, , , , | Right | August 4, 2009

Customer: “I need to get a new box of this…” *hands me a box of birdseed*

Me: “Sure, was there a problem with it?”

Customer: “Yeah, it was messy. I had to keep picking through sticks to get to the good stuff.”

Me: “Wait, were you eating this? ”

Customer: “Uh-huh, just now, in my car. It’s good, but I had to keep picking through the sticks.”

Me: “Ma’am, this is actually birdseed. ”

Customer: “Oh, is it? Well, it’s pretty good. It just has a lot of sticks in it.”

Me: “Um, ma’am, I’m a little worried that this might be dangerous for consumption by humans, so if you’ll hang on a minute, let me call someone.”

(I call Poison Control and they tell me she will be fine. The only problem is that the birdseed would have a high-fat content. I relay this to the customer.)

Customer: “Oh. Well, if it’s high in calories, I don’t want it!”

1 Thumbs
2,990

Flying The Foul-Mouthed Skies

, , , | Right | August 4, 2009

(Note: when checking in for a flight, customers are asked to provide the customer service agent with a six-digit code.)

Me: “May I have your confirmation code, please, ma’am?”

Customer: “Sure. It’s ‘A’ as in a**hole, ‘F’ as in f***, one, five, ‘B’ as in b****, and ‘C’ as in c**t.”

Me: *flabbergasted* “Um, okay… thank you. I’ll just find you in the system…”

1 Thumbs
4,970

No Gastric Pain, No Gain

, , , | Right | August 4, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Health Club]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Can I bring a meatball sub with me to eat during my workout?”

Me: “No, food is not allowed when using any of the gym equipment.”

Customer: “That’s not true. People have those protein shakes in there all the time.”

Me: “Those are liquefied and in sealed containers.”

Customer: *completely serious* “If I blend my sub and put it in a container, would that be okay?”

Me: “I guess it would…”


Did you find this story using our Gyms Roundup?

Click here to go to the next story!

Click here to go back to the roundup!

1 Thumbs
2,671