No Means No Means No

, , | Right | July 22, 2008

Customer: “I just got a new fish tank, and I was wondering what kind of fish I could put in it.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(I proceed to show her some good starter fish. I point out some tetras, when she says…)

Customer: “I thought that you needed a bubbler for those kinds of fish.”

Me: “Oh! You don’t have a filter or anything?”

Customer: “No. Just a tank.”

Me: “Okay, well the only type of fish that can live in a bowl like environment are bettas.”

Customer: “But I don’t want these kinds of fish!”

Me: “Well, if you want to get anything else, you will have to purchase a filter and everything for your tank.”

Customer: *points to some guppies* “So I can’t get these?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: *points to some mollies* “What about these?”

Me: “No. With the tank set up you have, you can only get bettas.”

Customer: “What about the platties?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “So I can’t get anything else?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “So I can’t get the barbs?”

Me: *facepalm*

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I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream…

, | Right | July 22, 2008

Customer: “Oh, look at all this yummy gelato!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, the front row is gelato and the back row is ice cream.”

Customer: “Okay, I want butter pecan.”

(Butter pecan is in the back row, so it’s an ice cream. I scoop it for her.)

Customer: “Well, this is just delicious. Do you have any regular ice cream and not gelato?”

Me: “Yes ma’am. Like I said before, the back row is ice cream.”

Customer: *stops eating suddenly* “What? But I wanted gelato!”

Me: “Ma’am, I told you which ones were the gelatos. I can get you something else.”

Customer: “But, but, but I wanted gelato!”

Customer’s Husband: “Quit your b****in’. I’ll eat it at home.”

 

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And The Angels Sang

, , | Right | July 22, 2008

Me: *on overhead* “Good evening, shoppers. The time is now 11 pm and your shopping center is now closed for the evening. Please bring all final purchases to the lit registers and thank you for shopping with us. Good night.”

(Five minutes later…)

Customer: “Can I still check out?”

Cashier: *next to me* “Yes, come on in.”

Customer: “I need to check some prices on a few items, can you do that for me?”

Cashier: “I think everyone in that department has gone home, but I can check for you.”

(Ten minutes later…)

Cashier: “That will be $174.34, please.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have enough money. Can I write you an IOU? I shop here all the time.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, we can’t take IOUs.”

Customer: “Then can you hold this until the morning, and I can come back?”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, we can’t hold things overnight. Our policy states we can’t do that.”

Customer: “So, what… you’re trying to kick me out of the store?!”

Cashier: “No, ma’am. If you’d like to take a few things off to afford your purchase, I’d be more than happy to check you out.”

Customer: “FINE! I’m done!” *storms out of the store*

Me: *on overhead* “Hallelujah! Hallelujah!”

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The Infomercials Must Love You

, , , , | Right | July 22, 2008

(A customer comes up to the register with her sandwich purchase, which had sun-dried tomatoes on it.)

Customer: “Do you make the sun-dried tomatoes here?”

Me: *jokingly* “Yes, we have several lawn chairs in back. We cut the tomatoes into little strips and leave them out there for a week or two. ”

Customer: “Really?!”

Me: “No, I was just kidding. We get them from a distributor. ”

Customer: “Well, that’s not nice of you at all! When I was growing up I was always taught to believe things I was told by salespeople!”

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Fowl Play

, | Right | July 22, 2008

(A customer comes in to return a powerhorn. We’re often wary of these returns, as customers often put them under their car to increase their radio’s volume and blow them out within a day.)

Customer: “I don’t need this. I didn’t open it.”

Coworker: “Okay, let me take a look at it…”

(The packaging HAS been opened, but it still might not be a big deal. However, my coworker finds a chicken bone in the box.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, I think you left something in here.”

Customer: “Oh! That’s my lunch!”

Coworker: “You said you didn’t open it?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Coworker: “But there’s a chicken bone in the box. And the wiring has been cut. And the unit is cracked.”

Customer: “It CAME like that.”

Coworker: “With a chicken bone in the box?!”

Customer: “YEAH!”

 

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