Imperialism At Its Finest

| | Right | February 27, 2008

Customer: *hands over US Currency while trying to buy a T-Shirt*

Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t take US Currency. We do, however take debit, all major credit card–”

Customer: *cuts me off* “Why the hell can’t you take my money?! This is the U. S. OF A!”

Me: “No sir, this is the Yukon Territory, in Canada.”

Customer: “No it’s not! This is the USA! Alaska! I’ve been driving on the Alaska Highway for hours so that makes this Alaska!”

Me: “No sir. This is the Yukon…we’re part of Canada…the Alaska Highway LEADS to Alaska and–”

Customer: *again, cutting me off* “Don’t you ever look at a map?! The Yukon is IN Alaska, and that’s part of the United States! You HAVE to take my money!”

Me: “The Yukon is part of Canada, we are NEXT to Alaska, which is part of the United States…”

(The customer gets angry, slams his item on the counter and storms out, muttering something about “stupid kids.”)

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I Once Had A Customer This Dumb

| | Right | February 27, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling The UPS Store, this is Rick speaking, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, hi. I need to find out how much it will be to send something to Iowa.”

Me: “I’d be happy to get you an estimate on shipping. Could I get the dimensions and weight of the box as well as the ZIP code of the destination?”

Caller: “Yeah, it’s probably about 10 pounds, and about this big.”

Me: “Well, I need a ZIP code for the destination, but you didn’t really give me the dimensions of the box.”

Caller: “The ZIP code is 51365, and it’s about this big.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t see your hands, so you’ll have to give me some sort of numeric dimension to work with.”

Caller: “Oh, let me get a ruler–” *click*

Me: *sigh*

Customer in the store who overheard the phone conversation: “Are you serious?!”

 

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Pride Goeth Before A Rental

| | Right | February 26, 2008

(I have a reputation of knowing good movies. Some customers get into the habit of just coming in and asking me what they should watch… especially when they want to seem intellectual. One customer is an a** one day so I give him a Russian movie that is slow, boring, and pretentious. He returns the movie about a week later.)

Me: “How’d you like it?”

Customer: “Man, you dropped the ball on this one. It sucked. Took me three nights to get through it. I kept falling asleep. I hate to have to pay this much money for it.”

Me: “Wow, I’m surprised. I don’t recommend it to a lot of people because I don’t think they’ll catch the subtle subtext in the imagery.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah… The meat of the story is really in the shot composition, the use of color, and the things that remain unsaid. It gets past a lot of people but I thought you would have caught that and enjoyed the message.”

Customer: “You know, don’t check that in yet. I’ll take it back and watch it again.”

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The Straw Man

, , | | Right | February 26, 2008

(Holding a large box of straws, I walk out towards the customers side of the registers during lunch time at a busy shopping center fast food restaurant, to refill all the straw holders.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir…”

(I walk up beside the customer, but still giving him some space despite the fact it was busy and crowded.)

Angry Customer: “To hell with that c**p. Why do you get to go first? I’ve been waiting here for TEN MINUTES!”

Me: “I’m just…”

Angry Customer: “You’re just impatient; that’s your problem. Wait in line like the rest of us.”

(A lot of other customers are staring at him. He has clearly not even realized I am in uniform.)

Me: “Sorry, sir. I work here and I need to refill these straws. A lady complained before because all the straw holders had run out.”

Angry Customer: “Well why are you doing that NOW? Couldn’t you have picked a better time to do it?! I lined up here and all I want is a lousy meal and you’re in my way…” *continues on and on*

Me: “Look, it’s our policy to not hand out straws because of hygiene reasons, so I must refill the straws so the customers can take them themselves so they can, you know, drink?”

Angry Customer: *loudly* “You’re very rude. I want to talk to your manager immediately!”

Me: *sarcastically, as he has not noticed “MANAGER” on my name badge* “Hi, I am the manager on duty. My name is [My Name]. What seems to be the problem?”

(Other customers nearby giggle/laugh.)

Angry Customer: “Well, that’s just f***ing great. What a piece of s*** place anyway. F***!”

(He stormed off after wasting about 15 minutes of his life over some straws.)

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Miracle On Placebo Street

, , , , | | Right | February 26, 2008

(I am a waiter at a ’50s style dinner in a mall restaurant. A customer asks me to turn the heat up.)

Customer: “It’s a little cold in here. Could you turn the heat up?”

Me: “I would love to, but the restaurant is open to the mall and we have no control over the mall temperature.”

Customer: “Could you please just try?”

Me: “I would love to, but there is no way–”

Customer: “I would really appreciate it if you would just try.”

Me: “I’ll be right back and see what I can do.”

(I then proceed to walk into the back house and munch on some onion rings. After a few minutes pass, I walk out.)

Me: “How’s that?”

Customer: “Much better!”

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