Burned

, , | | Right | July 30, 2008

(I’m a high ropes instructor and work with kids in the forest. There are “No Smoking” signs posted all over the place, but I see a woman smoking right next to a sign.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. There’s no smoking in this area.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because it could start a fire.”

Customer: *snottily* “Well, I’ll make sure not to do that.”

Me: “Ma’am, you still can’t smoke in this area. There are children everywhere… the smoke’s not good for them.”

Customer: “Well, they’re my children, so it’s really my decision to make, isn’t it?”

Me: “Actually, as this is our property, it’s our decision. Please take your disgusting habit elsewhere.”

Customer: “Your FACE is disgusting.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, as soon as my face starts causing cancer, you can complain.”

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Speed Bumps With Name Tags

, , , | | Right | July 30, 2008

(I’m picking up overstock on the floor, and an elderly lady hits my heel with her shopping cart.)

Me: “Ow!”

(The elderly lady proceeds to RAM the shopping cart into my foot until she succeeds in rolling over it completely.)

Me: “OWW! OWWWWW!”

Elderly Lady: “Hmmm? Ehhh? Did I bump ya?”

Me: “You rammed right over my foot!”

Elderly Lady: “Well, it shouldn’t be on the floor.”

Me: “…I’m going on my break.”

(Turned out she bruised a bone in my foot and tore a ligament by ramming into it.)

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If It’s So Easy, Do It Yourself

, , , , | | Right | July 30, 2008

(We get a phone call on a Thursday night in December, the busiest season in catering.)

Customer: “May I speak to the owner?”

Me: “This is the owner. How may I help you?”

Customer: “NO, I mean the guy who is the owner.”

Me: “That’s my husband. I’m sorry, he is busy at the moment. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “I need a catering menu emailed.”

Me: “I can certainly do that for you. When is your event?”

Customer: “Saturday.”

Me: “This Saturday? Like two days from now?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, I apologize but we are completely booked for this Saturday.”

Customer: “That’s why I wanted to talk to the other owner. I spoke to him two weeks ago and he said you were not booked.”

Me: “We weren’t booked two weeks ago, but we are now.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve already sent out the invitations, and I need food for my party.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we are completely booked. We already have three large parties, and we just couldn’t possibly take on a fourth.”

Customer: “Can you recommend another caterer?”

Me: “Not really. I’ve never used another caterer, so I can’t recommend one.”

Customer: “Haven’t you ever been to a party catered by another caterer?”

Me: “We’re caterers. We don’t go to parties. We work at other people’s parties.”

Customer: “IT’S ONLY TWENTY-FIVE PEOPLE!”

Me: “Um… okay.”

Customer: “You said you have three parties. Couldn’t you just make enough extra food for 25 people and come over and serve it?”

Me: “You mean cater the party?”

Customer: “No, just make some food and bring it over and serve it, and clean up afterward. It’s fairly easy, isn’t it?”

(I adore it when people tell me my sixteen-hour-a-day job is easy.)

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It’s Called Sarcasm

, , | | Right | July 30, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name]. How may I assist you today?”

Customer: “What time do you stop room service?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t offer room service.”

Customer: “What’s up with that?”

Me: “We don’t have a kitchen in the hotel.”

Customer: “Well, y’all need to get one!”

Me: “You’re right. I will start filing for permits and hiring subcontractors and have the kitchen built before you arrive.”

Customer: “That’s great! You truly offer excellent customer service!”

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We All Snap At Some Point

| | Right | July 29, 2008

(I work at a store that is open 24/7, and only closed for 36 hours out of the entire year. Around EVERY holiday, there is someone who calls the store wondering if the store is open. This past 4th of July, I decided to have a little fun with it.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you guys were open today?”

Me: “No, I’m the only one here to answer the phone.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I’m out in the parking lot and there are a lot of cars parked out here.”

Me: “Yeah, I like to drive a lot.”

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