Totally Plastered

, , , , | Healthy Right | October 30, 2009

Me: “All right, your cast is on nice and secure. It should heal within four to six weeks.”

Patient: “Really? Only four to six minutes?”

Me: “No, four to six weeks.”

Patient: “Okay, four to six minutes.”

Me: “Sir, it’s impossible for it to heal within four to six minutes. It takes about four to six weeks.”

Patient: “Oh, all right.”

(I turn around to fill out his form. When I turn back around, he has taken off his cast.)

Me: “Sir, why did you take off your cast?!”

Patient: “Well, you said it heals within four to six minutes, but you said it was too short. I waited seven minutes… but it still hurts.”

Me: “Sir, your arm is still broken. Four to six weeks is around a month and a half.”

Patient: “Well, why didn’t you tell me that in the first place?! A month and a half is five weeks! Why did you say four to six minutes?”

Me: “I never said…” *I pause and compose myself* “…Okay, nevermind. Let’s put on a new cast.”

Patient: “Oooh! Can I have a pink one?”

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Got An Urgin’ For Some Urchin

, , , | Right | October 29, 2009

(At the aquarium where I volunteer, a guest sticks her whole hand in our touch tank, rips off a sea urchin, and proceeds to stuff it in her bag.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but you can’t do that.”

Guest: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You can’t rip the urchin off the tank’s wall. Could you please hand me it?”

Guest: “But I was going to take it home and eat it. Isn’t that okay?”

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Hasta-La-Vista

, , | Right | October 29, 2009

Customer: “Hey, you know them laptops over there? Do they come with the Internet?”

Me: “They are Internet-capable and also have WI-Fi.”

Customer: “So, I buy it and send it to the warehouse and they put the Internet on it for me?”

Me: “You just need to select a company and purchase their Internet services.”

Customer: “What? Then what the h*** is that Visto thing that comes on it? I need to buy two Internets?”

Me: “No. Windows Vista is an operating system.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Getting the Internet is kinda like getting cable television.”

Customer: “Cable?”

(The conversation only went downhill from there.)

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Fun With Photons

, | Right | October 29, 2009

Me: “Hi, sir, was there anything I could help you find today?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering something. Why do all these glasses have the same white circles on the lenses? It’s really unstylish. I’m surprised people like this store!”

Me: “Sir, that’s the reflection of the light on the glasses.”

Customer: “Oh.”

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May We Suggest A Troublemaker Instead

, , | Right | October 29, 2009

Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, dear, I was wondering if I could return this coffee machine? It’s not making any coffee.”

Me: “Oh, right. Well, normally you would send it to the manufacturer and they would repair it.”

Customer: “Who?”

Me: “The manufacturer.”

Customer: “But I bought it here. Have a look at it anyway, son.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll have a quick look.”

(I open the box to find the machine wrapped in plastic and only slightly wet, but otherwise as clean as a brand new one.)

Me: “When you tried it out, did you put coffee in it?”

Customer: “Coffee?”

Me: “Yes, did you put coffee powder or granules in it?”

Customer: “No, of course not! Don’t be silly; it’s a coffee machine. It’s meant to MAKE coffee, is it not? Why buy a coffee machine that needs coffee in it to make coffee?!”

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