Underwater Basketweaving, B.A.

| | Right | December 7, 2007

Customer: “Can I have a banana?”

Me: “Sure.” *I ring her up and give her a banana*

Customer: “Uh, actually.. could I have a more ripe banana?”

(I hand her a very yellow banana with faint spots on it.)

Customer: “No, no, a RIPER banana. Like, a greener one.”

(I stare at her for a second, get a greener banana, and watch her walk away wondering how she got into college.)

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On The Need For Consumer IQ Requirements

| | Right | December 7, 2007

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to return this gas cooker…”

Me: “Sure, what’s the problem with it, madam?”

Customer: “The picture on the front of the box shows meat, although when I opened the box there was no meat inside…”

Me: *In astonishment* “Okay, I’ll just go and get my manager…”

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Of All The Moments For Freud To Slip

| | Right | December 7, 2007

(I was working the candy bar when a I was approached by a man seeing Bridge to Terabithia with two young kids. He points to the popcorn machine:)

Customer: “I’ll have two boxes of cockporn, please.”

(There was a two second pause as the customer’s eyes went wide with horror…and then I started to laugh. He got the popcorn and ran upstairs, with me standing behind the counter with tears running down my face.)


Buy Now! Cockporn T-Shirt

 

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You Be Telepathic So I Can Be Lazy

| | Right | December 6, 2007

Customer: “I need a door.”

Me: “What kind of door?”

Customer: “You’re the professional!”

Me: “…”

Me: “Where are you going while passing through this door, and where are you leaving?”

Customer: “Garage from the kitchen.”

Me: “Great, and what size is the door that’s there now?”

Customer: “They make them in different sizes?”

*throws self out window*

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Why Mom Isn’t Part Of The Admissions Criteria

| | Right | December 6, 2007

(Working in a psychology department main office.)

Caller: “Do you have the courses for a psychology graduate degree posted on you website?”

Me: “Let me check….yes, they are posted on our website.”

Caller: “But I can’t find them!”

(I spend a couple minutes navigating her through our website. Once at the right page…)

Me: “Is that all?”

Caller: “Well she’s a sophomore, so is this what she needs?”

Me: “No, if she’s an undergraduate she’ll need something else.”

(I navigate her to our undergraduate listings.)

Caller: “BUT, these are all PSYCHOLOGY classes!!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s what you asked for….”

Caller: “No, I wanted the English requirements!”

Me: “For an English degree?”

Caller: “No the English requirements for a psychology degree!”

Me: “Ma’am, do you want the Gen Ed requirements for all bachelor’s degrees?”

Caller: “YES!!! That’s what I want!”

(This call continues for many more minutes in which I explain that she should already have a huge packet on that from when her daughter started college. When she insists that they never got that, I actually navigate her over to the admission website, talk her through downloading the packet (a 600 page PDF), and have to explain not only what page to turn to, but where to look on the page.)

(For her daughter’s sake, let’s hope it’s not hereditary.)

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