Big Bother

, , | Right | June 3, 2010

(A young girl of 18 or 19, clearly a first-time voter, skips the line and rushes up to my table.)

Me: “I’m sorry, you’ll have to wait. There’s a line.”

Voter: “I’m sorry, but it’s important! I need to get my ballot paper back. I voted for the wrong person!”

Me: “All right, give me the spoiled one.”

Voter: “I can’t. I put it in the box.”

Me: “Then I’m afraid we can’t get it back. The boxes can’t be opened until the end of voting at ten o’clock.”

Voter: “But I didn’t know! I don’t want the Conservatives to get in so I voted for [Conservative Candidate]. I should have voted for someone else!”

Me: “Um, why did you vote for the Conservative?”

(The girl turns scarlet and looks utterly miserable.)

Voter: “I thought it was like TV where you vote them off!”

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2

, , , | Right | June 2, 2010

Me: “Your total is $152.37.”

(Customer begins to write out a deposit slip from the back of her chequebook.)

Me: “That’s a deposit slip, not a cheque.”

Customer: “Oh, so I can’t pay you with this?” *confused look*

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, take it out of this, then.” *hands me a roll of cash* “But don’t take more that $75 out of there.”

Me: *takes $75 out of roll* “And how would you like to pay for the rest of this?”

Customer: “Umm…” *confused look* “I have to pay more?”

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English Is Going Down (Under)

, , , , | Right | June 2, 2010

Me: “Hello, how are you?”

Customer: “What country are you from?”

Me: “England.”

Customer: “Oh, no wonder you don’t speak English properly.”

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Hang Ups Over Children

, , , | Right | June 2, 2010

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Vet Clinic]. How can I help you today?”

(Note: the caller sounds around four years old. )

Caller #1: “Hello, is Aunt Betty there?”

Me: “I’m sorry, would you mind repeating that?”

Caller #1: “Can I speak to Aunt Betty?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you have the wrong number.”

Caller #1: “Oh. Okay.”

Me: “Bye!”

(I hang up. Ten seconds later, the phone rings again.)

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Vet Clinic]. How can I help you today?”

Caller #2: “My niece just called here and must have got the wrong number.”

Me: *chuckling* “Yes, she thought–”

Caller #2: “Well, next time don’t hang up on her!” *hangs up*

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Accountants And Their Blue Tape

, , , , | Right | June 2, 2010

(A client calls us requesting we email him a scan of a document. We promptly send this over to him and he calls back almost immediately.)

Client: “This scan you have sent me only has one page of the document and the rest of it is pornography!”

Me: “I’m sorry? There is certainly no chance that this contains any pornography. It looks perfectly fine from our end.

Client: “But there is. I am looking at it right now!”

Me: “Which button are you clicking?  The one that says ‘Next Page’ or ‘Next Document’?”

Client: “Why does that matter?”

Me: “Well, if you are clicking Next Document, you are currently looking at all of the pornography that you have recently been viewing on your computer.”

Client: “F***!” *hangs up*

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