He Wants What He Wants

| | Right | July 28, 2008

Camper: “Can I get a root beer float?”

Me: “No, you can only order a single scoop cup or cone.”

Camper: “So I can get one?”

Me: “You can get a single scoop ice cream, cup or cone.”

Camper: “So can I get a root beer float?”

Me: “You can get a cup or cone, single scoop or ice cream. That’s what you can get. Got it?”

Camper: *nods*

Me: “So what are you getting?”

Camper: “A root beer float.”

Me: “Are you seriously not getting this?”

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The Lion, The Witch And The Supply Cabinet

, , | | Right | July 28, 2008

(Note: The women’s bathroom in our store has a large handicapped stall which also holds an 8 foot tall locked wooden storage cabinet for supplies. )

Coworker: “Thanks for calling [Coffee Place], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, is this [Coffee Place]?”

Coworker: “Yes it is, how can I help you?”

Customer: “This is the [Coffee Place] in [Public Square]?”

Coworker: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “The one with the bathroom?”

Coworker: “Uh… yes?”

Customer: “Oh, well, I’m calling from the women’s room. The door is locked and I can’t get out.”

Coworker: “Well, if you turn the handle of the door and pull it should open.”

Customer: “There is no handle! I’m locked in!”

Coworker: “Okay, I’ll have someone over in a moment.”

Coworker, to me: “Ummm… so some lady locked herself in the bathroom and can’t get out.”

Me: “Seriously?”

(I head over to the bathroom, letting myself in with the spare keys. There is, in fact, a woman in the large stall, yelling for help.)

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Well, your stupid door locked me into the stall and now I’m stuck in here! ”

(I can hear her fumbling with something, but it isn’t the stall door latch.)

Me: “Okay. Well, if you’ll just come over to the stall door, turning the knob should open it.”

Customer: “There is nothing to turn! The door only has a handle!”

Me: “It does. I’m standing on the other side of it.”

Customer: “Well, then why don’t YOU open it! You’ve already kept me locked in here for a half hour!”

(I fiddle with the lock and manage to open it from the outside after a moment, only to see the woman prying at the supply cabinet door.)

Customer: “Oh, I came in this door. I thought that one…” *points to supply cabinet* “… led to the men’s room.”

(Without another word, she walks out of the bathroom and out of the store.)

Coworker: “Maybe she was trying to get to Narnia?”

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Welcome To Earth, Population: Me

, | | Right | July 28, 2008

(A customer calls to ask if his car is ready to be picked up.)

Caller: “Is my car ready to be picked up?”

Me: “I can check for you, sir. Which car is it?”

Caller: “The one I dropped off this morning.”

Me: “Right, and which one would that be?”

Caller: “The one that I dropped off today.”

Me: “Sir, we have a lot of customers on a daily basis. I can’t go on that alone…”

Caller: “I dropped it off this morning!”

Me: “Sir, lots of people dropped their cars off this morning. You need to tell me more. The license plate number, or what you dropped it off for, for example?”

Caller: “It’s the car that I dropped off this morning!”

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AARP Membership Comes With A Few Hidden Perks

| | Right | July 27, 2008

(I was trying to put a dressing on the arm of a VERY confused but cute elderly man.)

Me: “Just hold your arm out so I can wrap this around it.”

Elderly patient: *reaches out his arm and grabs my right breast*

Me: “Hey! You can’t do that!”

Elderly patient: “But I like it…”

Me: *laughs

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Someone Needs To Go Back To School

, , | | Right | July 27, 2008

Me: “Photography studio, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, hi, I just received a second notice…”

Me: “… for your yearbook session?”

Customer: “Yeah, well, for my daughter. I’m just calling to see if this is a scam.”

Me: “No, ma’am, we work with your daughter’s high school. If she doesn’t have her photo taken within the next three weeks, it won’t appear in the yearbook.”

Customer: “Oh… so do you offer a class?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, a class for parents who don’t really understand this whole process?”

Me: “Well it’s really not that complicated. Your daughter just has to come to the studio and have her picture taken. It will probably only last twenty minutes. If you want more information on the sessions we sent out brochures with the first notice or you can go to our website.”

Customer: “So… you don’t offer a class?”

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