Like, Oh My God!

| Right | December 6, 2007

College Girl #1: “Our friend is registered here, but we can’t find her name on the computer.”

College Girl #2: “Yeah, it’s broken.”

College Girl #1: “She’s like one of our best friends and we need to get her a present.”

College Girl #2: “Yeah.”

Me: “Oh, okay, well let’s try it again.”

(We walk over to the gift registry kiosk.)

Me: “So is your friend registered for a wedding or baby shower?”

(The two girls look at each other confused.)

College Girl #2: “…Wedding?”

Me: “Okay…what’s her first name?”

College Girl #1: “Sarah…”

Me: “Is that with an ‘h’ at the end, or is it just S-A-R-A?”

(The two girls look at each other confused.)

Me: “Okay, well the computer can search using the first two letters of the first name, so we’ll just put in S-A. And what is her last name?”

College Girl #1: *says something unintelligible that sounds like “Pheuyben”*

Me: “And how do you spell it?”

(The girls look at each other confused.)

College Girl #2: “Um…”

College Girl #1: “Uh…”

Me: “Does it start with an ‘f’ or a ‘p-h’?”

College Girl #1: “P-h.”

College Girl #2: “F.”

(The girls look at each other confused.)

(Oh. My. God. If I had “best friends” like that I’d swallow some Drano.)

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Not Unless It Has A Prenup

Right | December 6, 2007

(This is where I entered the conversation.)

Lady customer: “Yes, I have at home a ‘widows’ computer. Will the software work on a ‘widows’ computer?”

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You Be Telepathic So I Can Be Lazy

| Right | December 6, 2007

Customer: “I need a door.”

Me: “What kind of door?”

Customer: “You’re the professional!”

Me: “…”

Me: “Where are you going while passing through this door, and where are you leaving?”

Customer: “Garage from the kitchen.”

Me: “Great, and what size is the door that’s there now?”

Customer: “They make them in different sizes?”

*throws self out window*

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Ah, The Magic of Pavlov

| Right | December 5, 2007

(We have a clock at the wild animal park that chimes every 15 minutes. A guest walked up to my ticket booth and asked me a question…)

Guest: “What do those chimes mean?”

Me: “Those tell us what time it is.”

Guest: “Oh. Does that mean we have to leave the park?”

Me: (I’m trying really hard not to laugh) “No. It’s only noon and the park closes at 8pm.”

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There’s A Nut, But It’s Not In The Pistachio

| Right | December 5, 2007

Customer: “What kind of nut is in the pistachio?”

Me: “…you can’t be serious.”

Customer: “No, really, what kind of nut is in the pistachio?”

Me: “Pistachio.”

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