Shoulda Filled It With Apples

, | | Right | April 24, 2008

Customer: “I want to return this computer.”

Me: “Ok, I can help you with that. Where is it?”

(The customer puts a badly damaged computer box on the counter. I open the box and find that it’s filled with oranges.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, I’m unable to accept this for return.”

Customer: “When I opened the box, it was filled with oranges! I want my money back.”

Me: “Can I see your receipt?”

(The customer hands me a hand written receipt from a generic receipt book.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, this is not a store receipt. I’m unable to accept this.”

Customer: “The guy I bought it from said he got it here for $99 dollars and if I didn’t like it, I could return it here. I want my money back, I got ripped off!”

Me: “Sir, I apologize that you gave this guy your money, but it seems he gave you a box of oranges and a fake receipt. I’m unable to help you…”

(At this point customer gets very loud and starts throwing oranges around the store. Someone calls the police and he is eventually arrested. To this day, I’m unsure if I should laugh or feel sorry for the guy.)

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Yeah, But Our Delhis Come With Salami

| | Right | April 24, 2008

(Please note that I have a rather generic first name for the US, generic like, say, John or Mike.)

Me: “Thank you for calling ******* Tech Shop, ***** speaking. Can I help you?”

Irate customer: “Can I speak to a f**king American?”

Me: “Last time I checked, I’m an American. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh yeah? Well where are you!?”

Me: “Mount Laurel, New Jersey–in the store you called.”

Customer: “That sounds like it’s in India.”

Me: “Unless New Jersey has moved recently, we’re part of the US…”

Customer: “Just let me speak to an American, d**n it!”

Me: “Yes sir, please hold.”

(At this point I transferred him to the Wilmington, DE store, as we do with many of our irate customers.)

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How About A Side Of Hypocrisy

, | | Right | April 23, 2008

Me: *preparing a gyro wrap for a customer* “Would you like cheese on it?”

Customer: “Oh my God, no! I’m a VEGAN! Don’t you know what they do to cows in those horrible farms? They force them to get pregnant all the time, and then they take away their babies and kill them so we humans can steal their milk! Dairy products are cruelty! ”

Me: “Okay, okay. No cheese. Moving along. What sauces would you like on that?”

Customer: “Tzatziki sauce, please.”

(Note: the particular brand of tzatziki we purchased included both yogurt and sour cream.)

Me: “Ah, I’m afraid that’s a dairy prod–”

Customer: “I DON’T CARE! PUT IT ON!”

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Note To Self: Stop Wearing Ninja Outfit To Work

| | Right | April 23, 2008

Customer: “Excuse me sir, where are the Exacto knives?”

Me: “They’re on aisle 24, ma’am.”

Customer: “Thank you, you do seem like someone who would know where the knives are.” *walks off*

Me: “…”

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Conscience: We Loves It

, , , , | | Right | April 23, 2008

(Background story: This is around Halloween, and Halloween parties in Madison is THE biggest event of the year. My store has many Halloween costumes and other Halloween-related products during that time. I am at my cash register for check-out when a customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “Hi. Uhh… I’d like to buy these.”

(The customer puts down a wig, make-ups, a pantyhose, condoms, and lubes on my register.)

Me: “Ok.” *starts scanning*

Customer: “…”

Me: *still scanning*

Customer: “DON’T JUDGE ME!” *runs out*

Me: “?!”

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