Violence On TV, Stupidity On The Couch

| | Right | August 28, 2008

(A video rental customer approaches with two young children.)

Customer: “Hey, you guys seen Con Air?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Customer: “Why’s it rated R?”

Me: “Well, the language is pretty strong, but it’s primarily because of the violence.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, does it have any sex in it?”

Me: “Um, not that I recall.”

Customer: “Okay, great. Hey kids, we’re getting Con Air!”

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Your Prank Got Spanked, Part 2

| | Right | August 28, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel], this is John speaking, how can I help you?

Caller: “I’m trying to get in contact with Mike Hunt.”

(I check the guest list to make sure we don’t actually have a Michael Hunt staying with us.)

Me: “Yes, Mr. Hunt is sharing a room with I.P. Freely, and he asked me to give you a message: he said to not call here again until you can come up with something a little more original, you pathetic losers.”

Caller: *hangs up*

 

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Getting A Word In Edgewise

| | Right | August 28, 2008

Customer: “I want to see that brooch.”

Me: “Here it is–”

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “Well, it’s–”

Customer: “You don’t need to know where I get my money from!”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, it costs–”

Customer: “I’m on a disability pension.”

Me: “It costs thirty–”

Customer: “And it’s none of your business why!”

Me: “Thirty five dol–”

Customer: “I had an accident and broke my leg.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Do you want to know why I’m buying this?”

Me: “Umm… no, it’s okay.”

Customer: “BECAUSE GREEN IS MY FAVORITE COLOR!”

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A Good Ol’ Fashioned A** Whoopin’

| | Right | August 27, 2008

Me: “Sir, would you like to use any coupons today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’ve been saving them. Here you go!”

(He hands me a coupon that had expired five years previously.)

Me: “Sir, your coupon is expired.”

Customer: “WHAT?! What do you mean its expired? You f***ing b****, you’re just trying to steal my f***ing money! You’re trying to rob me! You and this f***ing company are trying to steal my f***ing money!”

(The customer attempts to climb over the counter and attack me. Thankfully, my manager intercepts him.)

Manager: “Sir, I need you to come with me.”

(My manager hauls the customer off counter by the back of his collar and drags him outside. Ten minutes pass, and he comes back in hauling a very disheveled customer by the shirt.)

Customer: “Your manager told me that I need to apologize to you. I’m sorry for yelling.”

Manager: “Now, apologize for cursing at her.”

Customer: “I’m sorry for cursing at you.”

Manager: “Now, what’s our policy on expired coupons?”

Customer: “You don’t accept them.”

Manager, to me: “Is he forgiven, or would you like to have him arrested?”

Me: “No, it’s okay. ”

Manager, to customer: “Now get out, and don’t come back.” *throws customer out*

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Thank God For Better Halves

| | Right | August 27, 2008

(An older customer calls in for tech support with his satellite receiver.)

Me: “Okay, your signal strength is pretty good.”

Customer: “Right.”

Me: “Let’s just verify all your channels are coming in.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Can you please put it on channel 400?”

Customer: “No problem, hold on.” *dials 4-0-0 into the telephone*

Customer’s wife: “Give me that!”

(She gets control of the phone.)

Customer’s wife: *laughing* “So sorry, he’s such an idiot!”

 

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