Misundertanding Basic Printables

, , | Right | January 30, 2010

Caller: “Can you add a button to that page?”

Me: “Sure, but you need to be more specific. What do you want it to do?”

Caller: “Can it make the user press ‘File’, ‘Print’?”

Me: “Not exactly. I can get it to the print dialog though.”

Caller: “But it can’t press ‘File’ and then ‘Print’?”

Me: “Are you asking for a button that prints the page?”

Caller: “No! I want the button to press the file menu button, then select print for them.”

Me: “This is a website. You want me to control a user’s mouse?”

Caller: “Is that really so hard to do?”

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Makes You Want To Dye A Little

, , , , | Right | January 30, 2010

Customer: “How much is it to make copies?”

Me: “It’s ten cents a page for black and white and fifty cents a page for color.”

Customer: “You can make color copies?”

Me: “Sure. Just make sure you choose ‘color’ before you start copying.”

(The patron goes to the copy machine, and comes back a few minutes later.)

Customer: “It’s not working. I’m only getting black and white.”

Me: “Okay. Let me see if I can figure out what’s going on.”

(I notice the patron is trying to copy something that is entirely black and white.)

Me: “Oh, I see. To get a color copy, the original does need to be in color.”

Customer: “The machine won’t put the color back in?”

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Because They’re All Like Julie Andrews

, , , , | Right | January 29, 2010

(I have a more pronounced British accent due to my upbringing.)

Me: “Good afternoon. How may I help you?”

American Customer: *gasps* “Omigod! You’re British! You’re all ‘British-y’! Like on TV! Oh, my God! Will you talk to my wife? She would love your voice!”

Me: “Uh… thank you. Sure. Where is she?”

(He takes out a phone, dialing.)

American Customer: “Honey, I found an English girl! She sounds really British and everything!” *hands me the phone*

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m really confused and I have no idea what to say. Do you have a customer service related query?”

Wife: *on phone, gasping* “Oh, wow! Honey, your voice is beautiful!”

Me: “Thank you?”

American Customer: “Do you sing, too?”

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And That’s How The Minnesota Vikings Came To Be

, , , , | Right | January 29, 2010

Customer: “Hmm. Are you tribal?”

Me: “Um, no. I am white.”

Customer: “No, you are seriously tribal.”

Me: “Well, I’m part Cherokee…”

Customer: “No, that’s not it.”

Me: “I’m part Norwegian?”

Customer: “THAT’S IT!”

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Yes To Dismember, No To His Member

, , , , , | Right | January 29, 2010

(A customer comes to the counter with his son with a Grand Theft Auto game.)

Me: “Sir, you are aware this is an 18-rated game?”

Customer: “Yes, I am aware of that.”

Me: “It contains sex.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Violence.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Bad Language.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Drug Usage.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Full frontal male nudity.”

Customer: “He’s bloody well not having this!”

(The customer handed the game over to me and walked out.)

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