Full Of Sh*t, In So Many Ways

| Right | March 7, 2008

(Note: our bathrooms decided to back up and so we had to lock them.)

Customer: “Can you unlock the bathroom?”

Me: “Sorry, they are out of order.”

Customer: “What do you mean!? I need to go!”

Me: “The bagel shop next door has a bathroom that they’ll be glad to let you use.”

Customer: “There used to be a day when the customer was always right!”

*storms off and probably shat his pants*

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Pointless Obstinance

| Right | March 6, 2008

Me: “Good Evening, Ross speaking. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I just told you how you can help me!”

Me: “No, sir, you were speaking to someone in admin; they put your call through to me. If you could repeat your query I’ll be happy to help.”

Caller: “But I just told you what I wanted. I’m not repeating myself!”

Me: “Then I’m sorry, I can’t help you then.”

Caller: “Fine!” *hangs up*

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I’ll Have Whatever He Had

| Right | March 6, 2008

(A VERY drunk WHITE guy comes in 5 minutes before closing time.)

White guy: “F*ck you! You’re not going to serve me are you?”

Me: “Nope, sorry, we’re just closing.”

White guy: “Awww, go on, please…just a quick pint!”

Me: “No, we’re closing.”

White guy: “F*ck you, is it because I’m black?”

Me: “…Yes.”

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Easy Come, Easy Go

| Right | March 6, 2008

*customer walks in*

Me: “Hi, how are you tonight?”

Customer: “Have you prayed today?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

Customer: “You better pray or you’ll go to Hell.”

Me: “Wow, okay.”

Customer: “Beelzebub has a devil put aside for you.”

Me: “FOR ME!!! FOR ME!!! FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” *awesome air guitaring, a la Queen*

*customer walks out*

(Background story: the customer was one of those crazy people who had come in for whatever it was and she is always talking about jesus. If anybody else had been in the store I wouldn’t have done the Queen thing but it was too much to pass up.)

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This Little Piggy Went To H*ll

, , , | Right | March 6, 2008

Me: “Can I help you?”

Teacher: “Yes, I’ve forgotten my password and would like you to retrieve it for me.”

(ID Verification stuff…)

Me: “Alright, just a moment. Okay, ma’am. Your password is…”

Teacher: *apparently remembering at the last minute* “Oh, no…”

Me: “Piggly…Wiggly…F**ker.”

Teacher: *sheepishly* “Yeah…thank you.”

Me: *bursts out laughing*

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