Adapt Your Knowledge Or Become Incontinent

, , , , | Right | February 21, 2011

(A customer is looking for a travel adapter for Egypt.)

Me: “Here is one that will work. It is for Africa?”

Customer: “I am not going to Africa. I am going to Egypt!”

Me: “Egypt is on the African continent.”

Customer: “Africa is a continent?”

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An Authorized Idiot

, , | Right | February 20, 2011

(A customer calls the store and asks me to look up a book for her.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can not find a book with that title. Do you know who the author is? I might be able to find it that way.”

Customer: “I don’t know who the author is, but I know who wrote it!”

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Don’t Get Your Pantyhose In A Twist

, , , | Right | February 20, 2011

(The phone rings. My coworker, a very proper, older lady, answers it.)

Coworker: “Thank you for calling [Store] beauty department. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Do you have pantyhose on?”

Coworker: “I beg your pardon?”

Caller: “Do you have pantyhose on?”

Coworker: *shocked* “Oh, my! Such filth! I have never in my life!”

(She hangs up and runs to the break room completely flustered. A minute later the phone rings again and I answer it this time.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store] beauty department. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, hello, I would like to know if you have pantyhose on sale this week? My husband called to check for me a moment ago and somebody hung up on him.”

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Caldera Cravings

, , , , , | Right | February 19, 2011

Tourist: “Have I seen everything there is to see here?”

Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. What have you seen?”

Tourist: “Everything on the way in. Have I seen it all?”

(I point out several of the other options.)

Tourist: “Can I drive through any of the caves?”

Me: “Nope, sorry. They all have to be walked through.”

Tourist: “That’s ridiculous! Is there at least an elevator?”

Me: “Nope, just stairs.”

Tourist: “Well, where’s the river of lava? I was here a few years ago, and I got to stand by the lava.”

Me: “Ma’am, molten lava hasn’t been here for over 1,000 years.”

Tourist: “Yes, it has! I’ve seen it! You just haven’t been here long enough!”

This story is part of our Customers Versus Mother Nature roundup!

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Read the Mother Nature roundup!

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I Sense Toil And Trouble

, , , , , | Right | February 19, 2011

(A customer hands me a ticket to a movie that we are not ready to let people into yet.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. The auditorium for [Movie] is just being cleaned right now.”

Customer #1: “Oh, okay. No problem.”

Customer #2: *comes running up to me* “What did you say about [Movie]? What’s wrong?”

Me: “Nothing is wrong. We’re just cleaning the seats and aisles before we let people in.”

Customer #2: “Oh, thank goodness! I thought you said it was being ‘cleansed.’ I don’t want a movie theater that believes in that new-age, spiritual, witchcraft stuff!”

Me: “Oh. Nothing like that happens here.”

Customer #2: “Good!”

(The movie she was waiting to see? ‘Season Of The Witch.’)

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