Clearly Not The Better (Or Smarter) Half

, , , , | Right | February 22, 2010

Customer: “I’d like to rent Mr. Hoople Oople.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m not familiar with that one. Is it a comedy or drama? Our movies are alphabetical, so I’m sure I can help you locate it.”

Customer: “It’s a music video.”

(I take him over to the music and concert section. Nothing of that sort is found.)

Me: “Hmm, is that the name of the band or the venue?”

Customer: “No, it’s a movie. Mr. Hoople Ooople.”

Me: “No, I’m not showing anything by that name. We have a book over here that we can look up movies by actor or actress.”

Customer: “Richard Dreyfuss was in it.”

(I find nothing.)

Me: “Sir, maybe we don’t carry this film.”

Customer: “You do, my wife called and you said you had it!”

(I check with the other counter clerks. One of them looks confused but a light goes off in his head, and he goes and grabs a box off of the shelf.)

Customer: “See? I told you! Mr. Hoople Ooople!”

(The customer holds up a box which says “Mr. Holland’s Opus.” He checks out.)

Coworker: “I’d have had no idea what he was talking about either, but his wife called an hour ago and asked about it… with the right name, of course.”

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The Fox Is Already Out Of The Bag

, , , , | Right | February 22, 2010

Caller: “Hi. You put foxfire on my computer. How do I get rid of it?”

Me: “Do you mean Firefox? I put that on there at the request of your son.”

Caller: “I don’t have a son.”

Me: “Well, I would recommend that you use it to avoid having the same problem I fixed last week. If you really want to remove it, I’ll guide you through that over the phone.”

Caller: *to someone else* “Why did you tell him you’re my son? I don’t want the computer-people to know anything about me!”

Other Person: “Dad, I’ll show you how to use Firefox. You don’t need to call them.”

Caller: *to me* “Well, I guess it’s okay. This… kid I know… wants to show me how to use it.”

Me: “No problem. Can I help you with anything else?”

Caller: “No. Just remember that I don’t have a son!”

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Undeveloped Mind

, , , , | Right | February 22, 2010

(I work in a photo lab. I am calling a customer.)

Me: “I am just calling to let you guys know you have pictures here that you dropped off in December.”

Customer: “I don’t have pictures there.”

Me: “Maybe we mislabeled the bag? The pictures are of a family of four celebrating Christmas? Two kids? Boy and girl?”

Customer: “That’s my family, but I don’t have pictures there. To be honest, I think you are trying to scam me into buying pictures I already bought and took home.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “This is the second time you’ve called. I already picked those up and brought them home. You stole those from me and printed them to get more money out of me!”

Me: “Are you saying I broke into your house?”

Customer: “Yes, and I’m calling the police now!”

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Redial By Fire

, , , | Right | February 22, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I saw [Doctor] last week, and was calling about my test results.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. You have the wrong number.”

Caller: “Oh, sorry.”

(Not five seconds later, the phone rings again.)

Caller: “I saw [Doctor] last week and was calling about my test results.”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid you’ve dialed the wrong number again.”

Caller: “This isn’t [Doctor]’s office?”

Me: “No, sir, this is a women’s clothing store.”

Caller: “Oh, sorry.”

(Five seconds later.)

Caller: “I saw [Doctor] last week and was calling about my test results.”

Me: “Sir, you’ve called [Store] again.

Caller: “D*** it! I’m calling the right number. Why do you keep answering?”

Me: “Sir, the office number is very close to ours, so maybe when you’re dialing the numbers, you’ve been accidentally hitting a wrong key?”

Caller: “What numbers? I’ve been hitting redial!”

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Posthumous Post-modernism

, , , , | Right | February 21, 2010

Customer: “Can you help me find a book?”

Me: “Sure! What are you looking for?”

Customer: “It’s called The Scarlet Thread.”

Me: “I haven’t heard of that one. Let me look it up really quick.”

Customer: “It’s by Jane Austen, if that helps.”

Me: “Um, I don’t think it is.”

Customer: “No, it’s by Jane Austen.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m pretty sure Jane Austen never wrote a book called The Scarlet Thread.”

Customer: “Oh, well, you probably haven’t heard of it because I think it’s one of her new books.”

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