It’s A Low Maintenance Affair

, , | Right | April 22, 2009

Me: “Happy Holidays! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Well, I need two gifts.”

Me: “Okay, who are you shopping for and what did you have in mind?”

Customer: “I need one for my wife, and one for my girlfriend. I got them the same thing last year, so we can just do that again.”

1 Thumbs
2,061

Another Darwin Awards Candidate

, , , | Right | April 22, 2009

(I’m working the night shift when suddenly a guy dressed in black with a mask over his head comes in. He pulls out a gun and comes heading my way. Without even thinking, I incapacitate him with a basic self-defense skill.)

Customer: “HOLY S***! What the h*** are you doing?”

Me: “Sir, you were about to hold me up!”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “You came into the store with a mask over your head and gun in your hand.”

(At this point, I notice that the gun is a controller for a game. I let him go.)

Me: “I’m very sorry about what just happened, sir. So you wanted that fixed, right?”

Customer: “It’s… no big deal, can you fix it anyway?”

Me: “Not a problem, sir.”

(After checking the wiring and whatnot inside the gun, I find some faulty chipwork and fix it.)

Me: “Here you go, sir.”

Customer: “Thanks.” *pays up*

Me: “Just one thing, though.”

Customer: “Ah, yeah?”

Me: “What’s with the mask?”

Customer: “Sometimes, I like to pretend!” *giggles and walks out*

(I never worked the night shift again.)

1 Thumbs
6,293

There’s Such A Thing As Being Too Into Crafts

, | Right | April 21, 2009

(This took place at a large craft store. This particular day I was stocking the shelves when a lady came up and asked me for help.)

Customer: “My daughter only has a few months left to live, and she is going to be cremated. I was wondering if you had anything that I could use to make her ashes into a tiara?”

Me: “Make… her… ashes into a tiara?”

Customer: “Yes. She was a beauty queen, and I’d like to make her ashes into a tiara. Do you have some modeling clay or something I can use?”

Me: “Oh, do you mean you want to make an urn in the shape of a tiara to hold the ashes?”

Customer: “No, I want the ashes molded into the shape of a tiara.”

(I am silent for a moment. The lady stands expectantly, and finally, I answer.)

Me: “Ma’am, I cannot help you. There is no one in this store who can help you. I suggest you go and get help somewhere else.”

1 Thumbs
2,798

It’s Probably Not Flushable Anymore

, , | Right | April 21, 2009

Me: “Hello, how can I help?”

Customer: “Hi, I need to know something very important, very quickly.”

Me: “I’d be happy to help. What’s the problem?”

Customer: “Is your toilet paper… is it flushable? Like, can I flush it down the toilet?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure if it’s toilet paper it’s flushable, yes.”

Customer: “Well [Brand] says it’s flushable but your brand doesn’t say that anywhere on it.”

Me: “I think it’s assumed that toilet roll is flushable. What’s the alternative?”

Customer: “Well, okay. Since I wasn’t sure, I’ve just been letting it sit in the bowl…”

1 Thumbs
1,828

On The Importance Of Appropriate Segue-ways

| Right | April 21, 2009

(Note: I look a little young for my age, but not by that much.)

Customer: “I’m looking for someone who can help me find a book.”

Me: “I can help you. What are you looking for?”

Customer: “What? You can’t possibly work here. You look like you’re about 12.”

Me: “Actually, I’m 20. What can I help you find?”

Customer: “You’re lying to me. Where’s your manager? I can’t believe he has little kids working.”

Me: “I can assure you, I’m 20.”

Customer: “Let me see your ID, then.”

Me: “What?”

(She then turns to my boyfriend, who has come in to visit me.)

Customer: “Are you her boyfriend?”

My boyfriend: “Yes…”

Customer: “How can you date someone who looks like that?”

My boyfriend: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “That’s disgusting. I think you’re a pervert!”

(The customer then turns back to me, and without skipping a beat asks…)

Customer: “Where are the romance novels?”

1 Thumbs
3,019