Our Great Dumbocracy, Part 2

, | Right | May 11, 2009

(This js back in August of 2008. I am just starting as a volunteer for the Barack Obama campaign.)

Me: “Hi I’m calling on behalf of the Barack Obama Campaign for Change. Is [Caller] there?”

Caller: “Barack Obama?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Caller: “Who’s he?”

Me: “A candidate.”

Caller: “For what?”

Me: “President.”

Caller: “President of what?”

Me: “…the United States?”

Caller: “I’M TALKING TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?”

Me: “No, I’m just a volunteer.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. Go ahead, ask me the questions.”

Me: “So which candidate do you support?”

Caller: “Candidate for what?

Me: “The United States.”

Caller: “Oh, the election is this year?”

Me: “Yes. So which candidate do you support?”

Caller: “Well, I guess Obama, since he’s calling me.”

Me: “All right, good.”

Caller: “Is he there?”

Me: “Um… no, not right now.”

Caller: “But I read on the news he’s supposed to be in Virginia.”

Me: “Yeah, but not in Richmond.”

Caller: “Oh, when will he get back?”

Me: “I’m not sure, sir.”

Caller: “Okay. Well, when he gets back, have him give me a call!”

Me:“Uh… okay.”

Caller: “You need the number?”

Me: “No, sir, I’ve got it.”

Caller: “Okay, he’d better call me and tell me to vote for him!”

 

1 Thumbs
2,059

Chivalry Isn’t Dead, But Your Sex Life Is

, | Right | May 8, 2009

(I’ve just come in from putting out some trash and notice a woman a few meters behind me, so I decide to wait and hold the door open.)

Female Customer: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

Me: “I’m holding the door op–”

Female Customer: “No, you’re being sexist! That’s what you are!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Female Customer: “You think that just because I’m a woman I can’t open a door for myself? I’ll have you know that I have been opening doors all my life.”

Me: “I don’t doubt that, ma’am. I was just trying to be polite.”

Female Customer: “Pig! I am never going to eat here again!”

(She storms off as my manager, who is also a woman, walks by.)

Manager: “God, that girl needs to get laid!”

1 Thumbs
5,887

No Tickey, No Watchey

, , | Right | May 8, 2009

(I work in the billing department for a cable company. One day I took the following call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Billing Department]. My name is [My Name]. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “Hi, I need you turn my cable back on so I can watch the fight this weekend.”

Me: “Okay, if I could get your phone number, I’ll bring up your account and see what’s up.”

(I proceed to bring up his account, and notice he had been installed six months ago, and has not once paid his bill.)

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid that we can’t turn anything back on for your account until there has been a payment made.”

Customer: “No, that’s not the agreement. I need to watch the fight this weekend. My boys are coming over.”

Me: “That’s all well and good, but you owe us over two thousand dollars for charges, pay per view, and equipment. Nothing can be done until you are up to date on payment.”

Customer: *angry* “I NEVER AGREED TO PAY YOU ANY F****** MONEY! GIVE ME MY GOD-D*** CABLE!”

Me: “Sir, you obviously don’t understand how this works. We provide a service, and in return you pay a monthly fee. This is where we’re at; nothing can be done until you pay your balance.”

Customer: “F*** YOU GUYS, THEN! I’LL JUST WATCH IT ONLINE, SO THERE! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?”

Me: “I think you forgot that we supply your Internet as well. It won’t be reconnected until you pay your bill.”

1 Thumbs
5,160

Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Dumb

, , | Right | May 8, 2009

(I am working my shift at the dorm security desk when one of the building’s residents walks up.)

Resident: “Ow! I just burnt myself.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. How did you burn yourself?”

Resident: “I licked the flame part of a lighter.”

Me: “What?! Why?!”

Resident: “I wanted to see what it would taste like. I knew it would be hot, but I wanted to know what KIND of hot… Like, maybe it would be SPICY hot.”

Me: “…”

Resident: “Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

1 Thumbs
3,464

Where We Keep The Gold Label S’Mores

, | Right | May 8, 2009

(It is a beautiful night and everyone is having bonfires. A group of teenage girls walk in.)

Girl: “Hi, do you guys have any marshmallows?”

Me: *looks around* “Sorry, looks like we’re all out.”

Girl: “But what if you REALLY need them?”

(I turned towards my coworker.)

Me: “My God…”

Coworker: “It’s time. Get out your key.”

(We then started pretending that we had a top-secret marshmallow stash behind the counter.)

Me: “Do you think the retina scan is going to work with my contacts in?”

(The girl finally realized that we were blatantly making fun of her and quickly left with her friends. The secret stash became an instant classic at our gas-station.)

1 Thumbs
6,746