Chivalry Isn’t Dead, But Your Sex Life Is

, | Right | May 8, 2009

(I’ve just come in from putting out some trash and notice a woman a few meters behind me, so I decide to wait and hold the door open.)

Female Customer: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

Me: “I’m holding the door op–”

Female Customer: “No, you’re being sexist! That’s what you are!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Female Customer: “You think that just because I’m a woman I can’t open a door for myself? I’ll have you know that I have been opening doors all my life.”

Me: “I don’t doubt that, ma’am. I was just trying to be polite.”

Female Customer: “Pig! I am never going to eat here again!”

(She storms off as my manager, who is also a woman, walks by.)

Manager: “God, that girl needs to get laid!”

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We Need One Of These In Every Store, Part 4

, | Right | May 7, 2009

(A guy who bought a game comes back wanting a refund. The problem is that the game seal had been broken, the game disc had some nasty scratches on it, and it was 30 days past our return policy window.)

Me: “Hi. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’ve got this game here that I didn’t fully enjoy. I want a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the seal has been broken, and the disc is damaged. I can’t give you a refund for this.”

Customer: “You’ve got to be kidding me! I wasn’t informed about that!”

Me: “Sir, if you look right here on your receipt, you’ll see what rights you have. And as you can see, the 30-day return policy has expired, and the game is damaged. I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: “Oh no, don’t try this on me. I know my rights, due to the fact that I’m a lawyer. So you’d better think about your next move, or it could end up bad for you.”

Me: “Hold on a second…are you threatening me?”

Customer: “That depends on how you handle this situation.”

(By this point, there was a large line forming in the store, and the guy standing behind my customer looked pretty pissed off.)

Customer: “So, are you going to give me a refund or not?”

Customer #2: *interrupting* “I’ve had it with this. You told this guy you’re a lawyer, right? And that you’re entitled to a refund, am I correct?”

Customer: “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes, that is correct.”

Customer #2: “Here’s the deal: I know for a fact that you’re wrong. I think everyone in this store knows that you’re wrong, and the reason WHY I know this is because I AM a lawyer. What you’re doing is borderline illegal. So, may I suggest that you leave this store right now?”

Customer: *quietly* “Well…what I was trying to tell him was…um…”

(The customer then quickly left the store. Everyone, including myself, gave customer #2 a round of applause.)


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Your One-Stop Shop For Addictive Substances

, , | Right | May 7, 2009

(An older lady comes into the store looking for the Playstation game “Croc.”)

Customer: “Hey! Y’all got Crack?”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”


Me: “Do you mean… Everquest?”

Customer: “NO, D*** IT, I WANT CRACK! You know, little alligator be runnin’ ’round ‘n s***.”

Me: “…do you mean Croc?”

Customer:Crack, Croc, whatever!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, right here…” *rings up sale*

(After the lady leaves, my boss comes up to me.)

Manager: “Did that lady just try to buy crack rocks from you?!”

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Guess The Magician & Clowns Are Out Too

, | Right | May 7, 2009

(I work at a party store that sells balloons. A middle-aged woman comes up to me and the following takes place.)

Me: “Hello. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Do y’all sell, like… balloons for funerals?”

Me: “I’m sorry… what?”

Customer: “You know, like balloons for a funeral. Like, ‘Sorry For Your Loss’…?”

Me: “Um… no.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks!” *leaves*

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Go Directly To Jail, Do Not Pass Test

, , | Right | May 7, 2009

(My mom and I are leaving from the place where I took the test to get my driver’s license when we see another car drive in. A man steps out of the car and talks to the lady in charge of giving the driver’s test. )

Driver: “I’m here to take my driver’s test.”

Employee: “Who drove you here?”

Driver: “I drove myself.”

Employee: “You drove yourself here to take the test to get your driver’s license?”

Driver: “Yes.”

Employee: “That could be a problem…”

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