Bad Customer Tip #103: Pull A Clark Kent

, | Right | June 26, 2008

(A man on his mid-forties shoves a DVD case on the counter, while yelling at me. Keep in mind that I’m wearing glasses.)

Customer: “This DVD doesn’t work, G** D***it! I want a refund!”

Me: “Okay… what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I don’t know, it doesn’t work!”

(I open the case and check the surface of the DVD. It was so scratched that it was nearly white instead of purple, and it even had a dry fingerprint of something that looked like peanut butter.)

Me: “Um… sir?”

Customer: “WHAT?!”

Me: “I can’t give you a refund for a product that has been damaged by the customer.”

Customer: What?! The disc is fine! I want a refund!”

Me: “Sir, the disc is damaged, and I cannot give you a refund.”

Customer: “I want to speak to the manager!”

Me: “Of course.”

(I walk away to the back of the store, take off my glasses, and walk to the counter again.)

Me: “Yes, what is the problem?”

Customer: “YOUR POOR EXCUSE FOR A SALESMAN WON’T–”

(He suddenly figures it out.)

Customer: “F*** THIS S***!” *continues swearing while he storms out of the store*

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Just Quit While You’re Ahead

| Right | June 25, 2008

Me: “You find everything okay today, ma’am?”

Customer: “Oh my God! What’s wrong with your face? Are you okay?”

Me: “What? What are you talking about?”

Customer: “Your jaw! It’s so swollen!”

Me: “Um… no, I’m just fine.”

Customer: “Oh… your left jaw is just so huge, I thought, maybe… never mind.”

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We All Feel Your Pain

, , | Right | June 25, 2008

(I am in line to pay for a snack at a local convenience store when an elderly woman comes in and heads right to the front of the line.)

Customer: “My gas tank isn’t filled.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, I’m waiting on these customers right now. If you get in line, I’ll be happy to–”

Customer: “No! Your gas isn’t filling my tank, and I want to know why.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, may I help you?”

Customer: “Your gas doesn’t fill up my tank. I came in with less than half a tank and your gas didn’t even fill it up three-quarters of the way!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’ll have someone come in and look at the pump you were using. For right now, you’re welcome to go to one of our other pumps and finish filling your tank.”

Employee: *to the manager* “She only prepaid $10…”

Manager: “You prepaid for $10 of gas?”

Customer: “That’s right.”

Manager: “And… $10 isn’t… filling your tank….”

Customer: “When my husband, God rest his soul, pumped gas, he used to pay $10 and it would fill up our tank.”

Manager: “When was this?”

Customer: “That doesn’t matter! My son-in-law has been pumping my gas since. I’ve given him $10 and it’s filled up my tank every time. You’re trying to take advantage of me because I’m an old woman!”

Manager: “No, ma’am… the price of gas has gone up quite a bit in the last few years… It costs me almost $50 to fill my car–”

Customer: “Don’t give me that! It’s always cost me $10… I’m going right to the Better Business Bureau and the Attorney General’s Office!”

Manager: “Yes, ma’am. Sorry about the trouble. Good luck with all that…”

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She Saw Seashells And Social Strata

| Right | June 25, 2008

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling ***, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have any floating candles?”

Me: “Yes, sir, we have a Fourth of July set of red, white and blue star-shaped floating candles, and we also carry a set shaped like seashells.”

Customer: “Yeah, I saw those. The seashells are too ghetto. Do you have any plain white ones?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid the seashells and the stars are all we have. They’re too… ghetto, did you say?”

Customer: “Yeah, this is for an outdoor party, you know? Thanks anyway.”

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Hopefully They Didn’t Fly, Because Someone’s Walking Home

| Right | June 25, 2008

Me: “Good morning, ma’am. How may I help you?”

Hotel Guest: “I was charged for two movies last night that I did not watch.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but unfortunately I can not adjust these movies off. They were completely viewed from beginning to end–both movies.”

Hotel Guest: “That’s absurd, there’s no way I saw those movies last night. I was asleep. What are the movies that were watched?”

Me: “They’re adult movies, ma’am…”

Hotel Guest: *enraged* “I DID NOT WATCH ANY DIRTY MOVIES!”

Me: “Is there someone else in your room that may have ordered them?”

Hotel Guest: “It’s just me and my boyfriend…”

Me: *tight smile*

Hotel Guest: “Oh. My. God. He ordered porn. We’re at a romantic getaway and he orders porn! I’m going to kill him!”

 

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