The War Of 1812 Revisited

| | Right | July 25, 2008

Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

Old man: “Thank you. Is your family doing anything for the 4th of July?”

Me: “Not really. We’re Canadian so we may hold a BBQ on July 1st, which is Canada Day.”

Old man: “WHAT? You’re not American? I thought all foreigners had to become American when they came to this country!”

Me: “No sir, my family all has green cards, so we’re all still Canadian citizens.”

Old man: “I’M SICK OF ALL YOU F***ING ILLEGAL ALIENS TAKING ALL OUR F***ING JOBS! AN AMERICAN BOY SHOULD HAVE YOUR JOB!”

 

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Grab Bag: MMA-SF

, | | Right | July 25, 2008

(I work for the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s retail store. Here are a few things customers have asked me.)

1. “Do you sell doo-rags here?”

2. “Do you want to come live in my condo with me, wrap my gifts and keep me company?”

3. “What?! Iced tea makes you thirsty?!”

4. “Do my earrings make me look like Greta Garbo? Do they scream ‘I want to be alone’?!”

5. “Are these rainbow watches for the queers?”

 

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Murphy’s Law And Customers: Do Not Mix

| | Right | July 25, 2008

Customer: “Hey, I’m booked to get the train tomorrow at 0800 to Manchester. Can you tell me if the train will be on time?”

Me: “Good morning. I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to predict if it will be on time, but this one is fairly reliable.”

Customer: “How come you can’t just tell me if it’s going to be on time?

Me: “Well, there’s any number of things that could go wrong on the day that I couldn’t predict. For example flooding, the train breaking down, maybe even a sick dri–”

Customer: “Oh my god! All those things are going to be wrong with the train?”

Me: “No, I’m sure not all that will happen at once. Those are just examples.”

Customer: “So it’s on time, then?”

Me, giving up: “Yes, it’ll be on time.”

Customer: “Great, why didn’t you just say that?”

(Sure enough the next day the whole mainline was brought to a standstill by a lorry hitting a rail bridge.)

Customer: “YOU SAID IT WOULD BE ON TIME! NOW I’M GOING TO BE ****ING LATE!”

Me: “Sorry sir, but I doubt I would have been able to predict that! There will be a bus coming to take you to a different station where you can–”

Customer: *rants abusively*

Manager: “Look, would you just piss off? We are not omniscient! Next time you need to book a train, book it somewhere else!”

Customer: *storms out*

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Now Playing: Busted

| | Right | July 24, 2008

Me: “Welcome to [movie theater].¬†Can I help you?”

Customer: “Two for [rated R movie].”

Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

Customer: ¬†”I don’t have any.”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell you any tickets.”

Customer: “But I’m 17! I’m allowed to see it!”

Me: “Not without an ID you aren’t! And even if you had an ID, I could only sell you one. You have to be 21 to buy more than one.”

Customer: “I can’t believe this! Look, I drove here today!”

(At this point he flashes daddy’s Mercedes keys in my face to “prove” he drove here.)

Me: “So, let me get this straight. You drove your Mercedes here without any form of ID, including a driver’s license?”

Customer: “YEAH! WHAT OF IT?!”

Me: ¬†”I’m sure the Raleigh Police Officer standing right behind you would love to have a word with you.”

 

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Yeah, That Might Do It

| | Right | July 24, 2008

Ticket log: “When I shake my computer, I get the blue screen of death”.

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