We All Feel Your Pain

, , | Right | June 25, 2008

(I am in line to pay for a snack at a local convenience store when an elderly woman comes in and heads right to the front of the line.)

Customer: “My gas tank isn’t filled.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, I’m waiting on these customers right now. If you get in line, I’ll be happy to–”

Customer: “No! Your gas isn’t filling my tank, and I want to know why.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, may I help you?”

Customer: “Your gas doesn’t fill up my tank. I came in with less than half a tank and your gas didn’t even fill it up three-quarters of the way!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’ll have someone come in and look at the pump you were using. For right now, you’re welcome to go to one of our other pumps and finish filling your tank.”

Employee: *to the manager* “She only prepaid $10…”

Manager: “You prepaid for $10 of gas?”

Customer: “That’s right.”

Manager: “And… $10 isn’t… filling your tank….”

Customer: “When my husband, God rest his soul, pumped gas, he used to pay $10 and it would fill up our tank.”

Manager: “When was this?”

Customer: “That doesn’t matter! My son-in-law has been pumping my gas since. I’ve given him $10 and it’s filled up my tank every time. You’re trying to take advantage of me because I’m an old woman!”

Manager: “No, ma’am… the price of gas has gone up quite a bit in the last few years… It costs me almost $50 to fill my car–”

Customer: “Don’t give me that! It’s always cost me $10… I’m going right to the Better Business Bureau and the Attorney General’s Office!”

Manager: “Yes, ma’am. Sorry about the trouble. Good luck with all that…”

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She Saw Seashells And Social Strata

| Right | June 25, 2008

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling ***, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have any floating candles?”

Me: “Yes, sir, we have a Fourth of July set of red, white and blue star-shaped floating candles, and we also carry a set shaped like seashells.”

Customer: “Yeah, I saw those. The seashells are too ghetto. Do you have any plain white ones?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid the seashells and the stars are all we have. They’re too… ghetto, did you say?”

Customer: “Yeah, this is for an outdoor party, you know? Thanks anyway.”

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Hopefully They Didn’t Fly, Because Someone’s Walking Home

| Right | June 25, 2008

Me: “Good morning, ma’am. How may I help you?”

Hotel Guest: “I was charged for two movies last night that I did not watch.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but unfortunately I can not adjust these movies off. They were completely viewed from beginning to end–both movies.”

Hotel Guest: “That’s absurd, there’s no way I saw those movies last night. I was asleep. What are the movies that were watched?”

Me: “They’re adult movies, ma’am…”

Hotel Guest: *enraged* “I DID NOT WATCH ANY DIRTY MOVIES!”

Me: “Is there someone else in your room that may have ordered them?”

Hotel Guest: “It’s just me and my boyfriend…”

Me: *tight smile*

Hotel Guest: “Oh. My. God. He ordered porn. We’re at a romantic getaway and he orders porn! I’m going to kill him!”

 

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How Cute, You Learned A New Vocab

, , , , | Right | June 24, 2008

Customer: “I want this particular size in this particular style of jeans.”

Me: “Well, I don’t see your size out here, so let me check the back.”

(I go to check the stock room, even though I know we’re out.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re all out.”

Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You heard me; you’re persecuting me.”

Me: “…I can check with the store across town to see if they have what you’re looking for.”

Customer: “Fine.”

(The store across town has a pair of the jeans in question. I ask the customer if she wants to go pick them up; the store will have them on hold for her.)

Customer: “You mean I have to drive all the way across town?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

Me: “Well, if you can wait until tomorrow afternoon, we can have the other store ship them and you can pick them up here.”

Customer: “So, you want me to wait an extra day and make an extra trip back here for a pair of jeans.”

Me: “Or drive across town for them today, yes.”

Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

Me: “…”

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The Matrix Rejected

, , , | Right | June 24, 2008

(I used to work in a shop selling overpriced family coat of arms in a shop at a certain theme park in Florida. After a transaction has gone through, this customer turns to her daughter.)

Customer: “Was that lucky?”

Oracle Child: *stares blankly*

Customer: “Was it unlucky to buy it using that card?”

Oracle Child: “Yes…”

Customer: “You sure it was unlucky?”

Oracle Child: “Yes.”

Customer: “I have to cancel that purchase and use a different card.”

Coworker: “It’s already gone through.”

Customer: “This is [Theme Park]!”

(My coworker had to oblige the customer and handed her the forms to cancel it. Stupidly, she refused to sign the forms and stormed out with her husband and Oracle Child in tow.)

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