Why Everything Seems To Take Forever

| | Right | July 23, 2008

Library patron: “I need to get on a computer.”

Me: “I’m sorry… as the sign on the sign-up computer says, the entire computer system is down.”

Library patron:“Oh, I just need to check my email.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but it’s everything.”

Library patron: “Well, could you look up a book for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I guess I’m not clear. The ENTIRE system is down. We can’t do anything that involves the internet and that includes printing things out. We even use VOIP phones so we can’t call out.”

Library patron: “Oh. Well, just look up what I have checked out right now, and tell me when it’s due.”

Me: “I can’t do that, either.”

Library patron: “Can you check my email for me?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We use the same system.”

Library patron: “But, I saw you typing!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’m working on a report on the word processor. This is something that doesn’t use the Internet.”

Library patron: “Well, when will the computers be fixed?”

Me: “We don’t know.”

Library patron: “Why?”

Me: “Because it’s broken. If we knew what was wrong, we’d be fixing it.”

Library patron: “Does this happen often?”

Me: “Nope.”

Library patron: “So you are saying it’s just a coincidence that the first time I need to use the computer, the system is down?”

Me: “Well, yes.”

Library patron: “Do you actually do anything useful here?”

Me: “Well, normally I’d be troubleshooting the problem with the system, but for the past 10 minutes, I’ve been having to answer your questions about it.”

Library patron: *stomps off*

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Basic Subtraction, How I Miss Thee

| | Right | July 23, 2008

Me: “Hi welcome to [ice cream shop], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I would like to order that new Thin Mint Blizzard.”

Me: “Alright, what size?”

Customer: “Small.”

Me: “Can I get you anything else?”

Customer: “I don’t want it green.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “It’s green in this picture! I want it white! Whatever you put in there to make it green, I don’t want it.”

Me: “That would be our mint topping.”

Customer: “Mint? Ewww! No.”

Me: “So that’s one Thin MINT Cookie Blizzard with no MINT topping?”

Customer: “Yes.”

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Low Expectations, Gotta Love ‘Em

| | Right | July 23, 2008

Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

Customer: “Hi, can you ring this stuff up and tell me how much it is?”

Me: “Uh… yeah. That’s kind of what I do.”

Customer: “Okay, but can you put it in bags too? I need to bring it home.”

Me: “… I can do that too.”

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No Means No Means No

| | Right | July 22, 2008

Customer: “I just got a new fish tank, and I was wondering what kind of fish I could put in it.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(I proceed to show her some good starter fish. I point out some tetras, when she says…)

Customer: “I thought that you needed a bubbler for those kinds of fish.”

Me: “Oh! You don’t have a filter or anything?”

Customer: “No. Just a tank.”

Me: “Okay, well the only type of fish that can live in a bowl like environment are bettas.”

Customer: “But I don’t want these kinds of fish!”

Me: “Well, if you want to get anything else, you will have to purchase a filter and everything for your tank.”

Customer: *points to some guppies* “So I can’t get these?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: *points to some mollies* “What about these?”

Me: “No. With the tank set up you have, you can only get bettas.”

Customer: “What about the platties?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “So I can’t get anything else?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “So I can’t get the barbs?”

Me: *facepalm*

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I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream…

, | | Right | July 22, 2008

Customer: “Oh, look at all this yummy gelato!”

Me: “Yes ma’am, the front row is gelato and the back row is ice cream.”

Customer: “Okay, I want butter pecan.”

(Butter pecan is in the back row, so it’s an ice cream. I scoop it for her.)

Customer: “Well, this is just delicious. Do you have any regular ice cream and not gelato?”

Me: “Yes ma’am. Like I said before, the back row is ice cream.”

Customer: *stops eating suddenly* “What? But I wanted gelato!”

Me: “Ma’am, I told you which ones were the gelatos. I can get you something else.”

Customer: “But, but, but I wanted gelato!”

Customer’s husband: “Quit your b****in’, I’ll eat it at home.”

 

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