Speak For Yourself, Part 3

, | | Right | April 8, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Yes, may I help you?”

Customer:“What is this?”

Me: “A t-shirt.”

Customer: “Who’s the d*** picture of?”

Me: “That’s Grizzly Adams, sir.”

Customer: “No, it’s Charles Manson! How can you sell this in your shop? It’s disgusting!”

Me: “It’s not my shop.”

Customer: “You work here, why don’t you find a real job that doesn’t promote murderers and killing!”

(The customer hands me a card: “Bill ***, Army Recruiter.”)

 

1 Thumbs
2,890
VOTES

Best Idea I’ve Heard All Day

| | Right | April 8, 2009

(The receptionist at our computer repair store is handling a customer at the front desk.)

Customer: “Can you fix my laptop screen? There’s a big black mark on it.”

(The customer opens the laptop to show a cracked screen.)

Receptionist: “How did that happen?”

Customer: “I closed it, but there was a beer bottle lid inside. It went weird after that.”

Receptionist: “We can repair it for you, but it will cost approximately $1,000 as this is physical damage and not covered by warranty.”

Customer: “I am not paying $1,000 to repair a stupid laptop! You are trying to rip me off, you little b****! It’s under warranty! I know my rights!”

Receptionist: “I am sorry, sir, but we cannot replace the LCD under warranty and you will have to pay for it yourself if you want it replaced.”

Customer: “I’m not paying, so you can go f*** yourself!”

Receptionist: “That’s the best idea I have heard all day, thanks! I’ll go do that right now.”

(The receptionist goes around corner and into back room.)

Customer: “What the f***?!” *leaves, slamming door*

Receptionist: “Is he gone?”

Manager: “Yes, are you finished?”

1 Thumbs
6,575
VOTES

It’s The Thought Of The Thought That Counts

| Right | April 7, 2009

(A customer was buying some fancy wrapping paper. They placed it on the counter to buy and this exchange occurred.)

Customer: “Can you be really careful folding this up?”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer: “Actually, can you roll it up? And wrap a bit of tissue paper around it?”

Me: “OK…”

Customer: “And can you wrap another piece of gift wrap around it?”

Me: “Er…OK.” *pause* “So you want me to gift wrap your gift wrap?”

Customer: “Precisely!”

Me: “…”

1 Thumbs
1,803
VOTES

Nature: Not OSHA Compliant

| | Right | April 7, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me…how deep is the water?”

Me: “Um…you mean the ocean?”

Customer: “Yes. How deep is it?”

Me: “I’m not quite sure what you mean.”

Customer: “HOW DEEP IS THE WATER?!”

Me: “It’s the ocean, ma’am.”

Customer: “OK, well, how deep is the deepest part?”

Me: “Very, very deep.”

Customer: “Can I touch the bottom?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “That’s not safe.”

Me: “It’s much shallower near the shore. It gets deeper the farther out you go.”

Customer: “That is definitely not safe. You should fix that.”

Me: “I’ll tell my boss.”

Customer: “Thanks.” *walks away*

1 Thumbs
3,568
VOTES

The Good Excuses Have All Dried Up

| | Right | April 7, 2009

(This phone call happened a month after hurricane Ike came through, and one of our clients missed his court date.)

Me: “Sir, why did you miss your court date?”

Client: “I’m not going back to jail! I missed court because I’m not back from the evaporation yet.”

Me: “Uh…what?”

Client: “I had to evaporate up north.”

Me: “…really? Evaporate? How did you do that? Was it painful?”

Client: “No! We rode a bus! What don’t you understand about having to evaporate?! I’m not going back to jail!”

Me: *sigh*

1 Thumbs
2,102
VOTES
Page 4,513/4,844First...4,5114,5124,5134,5144,515...Last