Never Smart: Biting The Hand That Makes Your Coffee

| | Right | June 29, 2008

Customer: “I want a coffee.”

Me: “What sort of coffee can I get for you, sir?”

Customer: “Just black coffee.”

Me: “Would you like drip coffee or an Americano, sir?”

Customer: “Don’t make it so BLOODY COMPLICATED, just get me a coffee! And don’t try to sell me them fancy things like sprinkles, neither!”

(My coworker and I stifle our laughter as I silently ring up the largest size of the most expensive ‘black’ coffee.)

Customer: “That’s better. No more of your lip!”

Coworker: *laughs out loud*

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It Doesn’t Take Much To Get A Guy Going

, | | Right | June 28, 2008

(I work at the drive-thru of a certain fast food restaurant that has milkshakes that come with these massive tube straws, roughly the width of a nickel, and bright blue.)

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah. You’ve got those blue straws, right?”

Me: “Yeah, we do. They come with our Sundae Shakes.”

Customer: “Cool. Gimme two. Don’t forget the straws!”

Me: “Okay….”

(I tell him the total and ask him to pull up…)

Customer: “You sure these come with those blue straws?”

Me: “Yes, they do…” *hands him his change*

Customer, to his girlfriend: “Blue turns me on…”

(I grab the straws and hand them out the window. After they pulled away, I burst out laughing for a good five minutes.)

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What Strange Magic Is This

| | Right | June 28, 2008

Me: “Sporting Goods, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I need a tennis racquet. The one I have is the wrong one.”

Me:¬†”What kind of tennis racquet are you looking for?”

Customer:¬†”I’m a lefty. I need a left-handed tennis racquet.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Hello? Are you still there? Do you have any left-handed tennis racquets?”

Me:¬†”Ma’am, just put the one you have in your left hand.¬†It’s now a left-handed tennis racquet.”

Customer: “Oooh! I’m going to kill my husband!” *hangs up*

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She Fought The Law… And The Law Won

| | Right | June 28, 2008

(This is one of those chains that does gunned ear piercings. Gun piercings have MANY risks–embedding being one of them. A customer walks in with two children, ages 4 and 7.)

Customer: “The stone fell out of her earring. Can you put a new one in?”

Me: *examines ear* “Ma’am, the earring is embedded in your daughter’s ear. You need to go to the doctor. I can’t help you.”

Customer: “No, stone fall out of earring, we just need new one.”

Me: “No, ma’am. You see, putting the back on too tight like this pulls the front of the earring INTO the earlobe and it becomes stuck.”

Customer: “Okay, you take out.”

Me: “You aren’t getting it…it is stuck inside her ear. A doctor needs to cut her ear open with a scalpel and retrieve the earring.”

Customer: *freaks out and starts stringing expletives together*

(I retrieve her waiver to show her where she signed in FOUR places stating she understood the risks associated with the procedure.)

Me: “See? You signed here explaining you understood the risks and aftercare.”

Customer: “There was a line, I no read dis! Nobody read dis!”

Me: “Well, if you had taken the time to read you would have seen that this can be dangerous. A responsible parent puts more effort into their child’s safety and well being.”

(Needless to say she threatened my life, swore like a sailor in front of my customers, was chased by security and provided them a false name. I took her to court… and she lost.)

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Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole, Part 3

| | Right | June 28, 2008

(Note: I’m the manager at a video rental store, and the owner happens to be there with me.)

Customer: “I’d like to open an account.”

Me: “Okay, to open a membership we need a California issued I.D and a major credit card.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t have one.”

Me: “Which one?”

Customer: “The credit card.”

Me: “Then I’m afraid we can’t open the account.”

Customer: “Oh, I talked to the manager last week. He said it was alright if i didn’t have a credit card.”

Me: “Oh really? I don’t recall telling anybody that last week.”

Customer: *nervously* “… then it was the owner who told me that.”

Me: “I don’t think he would say that.”

Customer: “Yeah he did. He said it was fine. Just make me the d*** membership! The owner said it was fine.”

Me: “Okay…” *I turn to the owner*

Me, to the owner: “Hey, did you tell anyone last week that they could make a new account without a credit card?”

Owner: “No, I never said that ever.”

Customer: *walks away with his head down*

 

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