Disease Or Not, You’re Still A Douche

| | Right | March 12, 2009

(A customer has just finished placing a rather large and pricey order of several large popcorns loaded with butter, large drinks, and random candies.)

Me: “That’ll come to $55.75, sir.”

Customer: “Oh… I have cancer.”

Me: “Um… I’m sorry.”

Customer: “So I don’t have to pay, right?”

Me: “No, you still have to pay.”

Customer: “Why? I’m a cancer patient!”

Me: “You’re also trying to walk away with nearly $60 in concession items. I’m sorry, but I can’t give that to you because you have cancer.”

Customer: “Oh, come on! What if I told you I had heart disease?”

Me: “I guess I’d have to ask why you’re in such a rush to kill yourself?”

1 Thumbs
5,972
VOTES

This Land Was Made For Me Not You

, | | Right | March 11, 2009

Me: “Hello, May I take your order?”

Customer: “Yes I’d like two bean burritos, 2 fah-jee-tuhs, grilled stuffed burritos, and a large drink.”

Me: “Fah-jee-tuh?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “You mean fajitas?”

Customer: “No, we don’t pronounce it like that! We’re in America, not Mexico!”

1 Thumbs
2,245
VOTES

Dr. Doolittle’s House Of Style

| | Right | March 11, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling **** Cosmetics. My name is ****, how may I help you today?”

Caller: “Do you test your product on animals?”

Me: “No, ma’am, we do not.”

Caller: “Not even on unicorns?”

Me: “Uhh…no.”

Caller: “What about mongooses?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “Dogs?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “Then how do you test your products?”

Me: “I believe they’re tested by using clinical trials.”

Caller: “So you don’t test your product on animals?”

Me: “No, we do not.”

Caller: “That’s great! Bye!” *hangs up*

1 Thumbs
1,513
VOTES

Ed Begley Jr. Starts To Cut Back

| | Right | March 11, 2009

Me: “Would you like paper or plastic?”

Customer: “Oh, I’d like one of those nice canvas bags, please.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, one of those reusable canvas bags. Like the ones that she’s got!” *points to the next customer in line*

Me: “Uh, well, we don’t have those here, unfortunately. All we’ve got is paper or plastic. If you want a canvas bag, you’d have to buy one and bring it yourself.”

Customer: “What a load of crap! Why should I want to save the environment if I have to pay to do it?!”

1 Thumbs
2,014
VOTES

More Than A Few Crossed Wires

| | Right | March 11, 2009

Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, can you tell me how to get to your store? I’m coming from the north end of the city.”

Me: “OK, you’ll need to head south on 14th Street–”

Caller: “Whoa whoa whoa… slow down, you’re going too fast.”

Me: “OK, sorry. You will need to head south–”

Caller: “Don’t talk to me in that tone of voice! Now explain it to me like a civil human being, and tell me how to get to your f***ing store!”

Me: “…I’m sorry, ma’am. If you just head south–”

Caller: “What in God’s name is wrong with you? All I want to do is get to your f***ing store so I can get some f***ing music! Is that so d*** much to ask for? Look young lady, I just got out of brain surgery and I can’t deal with your bulls*** right now. You need to talk slowly to me. OK, forget it, you’re wasting my time. I’ll find my way there myself! *hangs up*

1 Thumbs
2,580
VOTES
Page 4,510/4,817First...4,5084,5094,5104,5114,512...Last