It’s For A Really Long Game Of Musical Chairs

| | Right | June 23, 2008

Man: “Hey! You guys are giving away 100 free tickets to the Friday show, right?”

Me: “Yep! We have 24 left, and each customer can take up to four. How many do you need?”

Man: “Awesome! Can I have the rest?”

Me: “Sorry, sir. The limit is four per customer.”

Man: “But they’re free… what do you care?”

Me: “I care that the line of people behind you get some as well. Would you like four tickets?”

Man: “Give me the rest! You don’t understand, I NEED them!”

Me: “Sir, the limit is four. I’m sorry.”

Man: “I want the rest! You have to give them to me! I’m a paying customer and I deserve it!”

Me: “The tickets are free, sir… and you can have four of them. Would you like four FREE tickets?”

Man: “I need the rest of them! Everyone in my party needs to have one!”

Me: “Well, I can offer you four tickets for free and a discount if you wish to buy more. How many people are in your party?”

Man: “It’s just me and my wife.”

Me: “…”

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And Here, We See The Customer In His Native Habitat

| | Right | June 23, 2008

(I was quietly working down my aisle when a disgruntled man stops at the end and looks at me.)

Me: *resumes working as he is making no advances*

Man: “Awwharhaghhsss!”

Me: *looks up*

Man: “TOMATO SAUCE!” *angry look*

Me: “Uhhhh…”

Man: *furious look*

Me: “… aisle 10!”

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Never Piss Off A Man With A Meat Cleaver

, , | | Right | June 23, 2008

(It is 5:45 pm on Christmas Eve, and the grocery store I work at closes at 6:00 pm.)

Customer: “Why don’t you have any big frozen turkeys? I need a 20 pound frozen turkey!”

Me: “Sir, we only have what’s left in the counter.”

Customer: “Go look in the back! I know you have some hiding back there.”

Me: “Um, sir, I put all the turkeys out already. What’s out is all we have.”


Me: “There are no more turkeys in the back…”

Customer: “I’ll just go look myself!”

(The customer proceeds to march through the “Staff Only” doors and is met by one of the butchers who stands 6′ 5″.)

Customer: “GET ME A G**D*** TURKEY!”

Big Butcher: “GET THE H*** OUT OF MY STORE!”

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One Loses His Allowance, The Other His Immortal Soul

| | Right | June 22, 2008

(I was in high school working at a dollar store. It’s a small town so Sundays are usually busy after church services. This man, his wife, and his young son were in line.)

Me: “That will be $25.30.”

Man: “I’ve only got $15… we gave twenty at the offering today. You think you could give me a break?”

Man’s young son: *innocently* “We didn’t give any money at church today.”

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TMI Redux

| | Right | June 22, 2008

(An older woman in her 50s needed some help picking out a new MP3 player.)

Me: “Okay, so you got any preferences?”

Woman: “Well, do you have any that are waterproof?”

Me: “Not really…”

Woman: “I had one before, but it’s broken.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

Woman: “Yeah, it was my own fault though, I think.”

Me: “How come?”

Woman: “Well, I put it in here–” *points and looks at her breasts* “–while I was at the gym. I guess I was sweating a bit too much!”

Me: “…”


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