Quantity Does Not Equal Quality

| | Right | March 17, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling Tech Support, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi – could you send me one of your free connection CDs?”

Me: “Sure!”

(I pull up her account and see that she’s already ordered 50 copies.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am? It seems you’ve already requested several CDs. Is there a reason you need another?”

Customer: “Well, yes! I used up the other CDs already.”

Me: “Ma’am, you can re-use the CDs. Have you been throwing them away?”

Customer: “No. I put them into the little slot and they just slide in, and the computer keeps them. I thought it was like a bus ticket!”

(I recommended that she go to a local repair shop. They in turn removed almost 100 CDs from the inside of her case.)

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When You Care Enough To Send…Something

| | Right | March 17, 2009

Me: *on the phone* “So you want a dozen roses…what color would you like? Red?”

Customer: “NO! Not red! Let’s do pink…red means love, and I don’t want love. I just want to get laid!”

Me: “OK…pink roses it is.”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

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Allergy Season Nightmare

| | Right | March 17, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling ***, this is ***, how can I help you?”

Customer: *yelling* “IS THIS TECH SUPPORT?!”

Me: “Yes ma’am, it is. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My internets are broken and I need you to fix it now.”

Me: “OK, what’s your account number?”

Customer: “Ugh. You can’t just see it?”

Me: “No Ma’am, I have to look it up in our database.”

Customer: “S***. Fine, it’s ***.”

Me: “All right, just a moment here while I bring up the info…”

Customer: “Just hurry it up, will you?”

Me: “OK, it’s coming up now…”

Customer: *sneezes*

(About 10 seconds pass in silence. I can hear children talking in the background.)

Customer: “Excuse me…”

(I stay quiet, assuming she’s talking to the children.)

Customer: “EXCUSE ME!”

Me: “Sorry, were you speaking to me?”

Customer: “YES YOU IDIOT! WHAT THE F*** is WRONG with you people?”

Me: “I’m sorry? I’m not sure I understand…”

Customer: “I SNEEZED AND YOU DIDN’T BLESS ME! WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF ATHEIST?! DON’T YOU REALIZE WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU DON’T BLESS SOMEONE WHEN THEY SNEEZE?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I really don’t, but I apol–”

Customer: *interrupting* “YOU’RE A F***ING HEATHEN! I HOPE YOU BURN IN H*** FOR THIS YOU…” *continues screaming*

Me: “Ma’am, I apologize if I’ve offended. I’ve found your account information, and it looks like your service was terminated three months ago.”

Customer: “YES! THAT’S HOW LONG IT’S BEEN DOWN – WHY CAN’T YOU FIX IT?!”

Me: “Because you don’t have an account with us anymore. You were canceled because of non-payment. If you’d like, I can transfer you to billing, and–”

Customer: *unintelligible screaming then hangs up*

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Misery Loves, Demands And Harasses Company

| | Right | March 16, 2009

(A woman approaches the check-out, hauling her two kids with her.)

Customer: “Ugh! Don’t ever have kids, they ruin your life!”

Me: “Um, well, I don’t really plan to…”

Customer: “What? Why not?”

Me: “Um…I don’t know, I guess I don’t want any…”

Customer: “What?! How old are you?”

Me: “Twenty-three.”

Customer: “What if you have an accident? Then you’ll HAVE to have them!”

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Those Pesky Survival Instincts

| | Right | March 16, 2009

Me: “Thank you for coming to **** National Park. I hope you enjoy your stay.”

Customer: “Thank you. Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “When do you let the animals out?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “When do you let the animals out?”

Me: “It’s a national park, ma’am.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “The animals are wild.”

Customer: “All of them?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not very safe!” *walks away*

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