And Here, We See The Customer In His Native Habitat

| | Right | June 23, 2008

(I was quietly working down my aisle when a disgruntled man stops at the end and looks at me.)

Me: *resumes working as he is making no advances*

Man: “Awwharhaghhsss!”

Me: *looks up*

Man: “TOMATO SAUCE!” *angry look*

Me: “Uhhhh…”

Man: *furious look*

Me: “… aisle 10!”

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Never Piss Off A Man With A Meat Cleaver

, , | | Right | June 23, 2008

(It is 5:45 pm on Christmas Eve, and the grocery store I work at closes at 6:00 pm.)

Customer: “Why don’t you have any big frozen turkeys? I need a 20 pound frozen turkey!”

Me: “Sir, we only have what’s left in the counter.”

Customer: “Go look in the back! I know you have some hiding back there.”

Me: “Um, sir, I put all the turkeys out already. What’s out is all we have.”

Customer: “LISTEN! I NEED A G**D*** 20 POUND TURKEY! GET IN THE BACK AND FIND ME ONE!”

Me: “There are no more turkeys in the back…”

Customer: “I’ll just go look myself!”

(The customer proceeds to march through the “Staff Only” doors and is met by one of the butchers who stands 6′ 5″.)

Customer: “GET ME A G**D*** TURKEY!”

Big Butcher: “GET THE H*** OUT OF MY STORE!”

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One Loses His Allowance, The Other His Immortal Soul

| | Right | June 22, 2008

(I was in high school working at a dollar store. It’s a small town so Sundays are usually busy after church services. This man, his wife, and his young son were in line.)

Me: “That will be $25.30.”

Man: “I’ve only got $15… we gave twenty at the offering today. You think you could give me a break?”

Man’s young son: *innocently* “We didn’t give any money at church today.”

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TMI Redux

| | Right | June 22, 2008

(An older woman in her 50s needed some help picking out a new MP3 player.)

Me: “Okay, so you got any preferences?”

Woman: “Well, do you have any that are waterproof?”

Me: “Not really…”

Woman: “I had one before, but it’s broken.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

Woman: “Yeah, it was my own fault though, I think.”

Me: “How come?”

Woman: “Well, I put it in here–” *points and looks at her breasts* “–while I was at the gym. I guess I was sweating a bit too much!”

Me: “…”

 

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The Honest Liar

| | Right | June 22, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [italian restaurant], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to make a reservation for two people.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we only take reservations for parties of six or larger.”

Customer: “But I want to make a reservation for two people.”

Me, repeating: “I’m sorry, we only take reservations for parties of six or larger.”

Customer: “Well, what if I tell you the reservation is for six people and then only show up with two?”

Me: “Ma’am, I won’t write that reservation down.”

Customer: *click*

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