Too Much Information, Part 6

| | Right | May 25, 2009

(I’m cleaning up several tables at a restaurant and overhear this conversation between three customers.)

Female Customer #1: “…porn star. You can’t be shy about it! There’s not being shy if you’re just going to be a porn star, anyway.”

Female Customer #2: “Yeah! What’re you working with, anyway?”

Male Customer: *gets up and faces table, hands moving towards jeans*

Me: *abandons tasks and leaves section immediately*


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For Everything Else, There’s TasterCard

, | | Right | May 25, 2009

Me: “That’s ¬£26.50, please.”

Customer: “Can I pay by card?”

Me: “Sure. Please enter your card into the machine, and then put in your pin code.”

Customer: “Right, are these machines waterproof?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

Customer: “I wouldn’t get an electric shock from one, would I?”

Me: “Err, no?”

(Suddenly, the customer bends his head down and uses his mouth to cover up the keys. He then uses his tongue to try and push down the numbers of his pin code.)

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to stop! That’s incredibly unhygenic.”

Customer: “But it’s the only way to keep it safe!”

Me: “Have you considered covering the keys with your hand instead of your mouth?”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s not as safe!”

Me: “I’m afraid we’re just going to have to risk that. We can’t have you licking our machines.”

Customer: “Bah!”

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Stupidity On Tap

| | Right | May 22, 2009

(I get a phone call at about 8:00pm on a weeknight. The caller is a young man, and in the background I hear music and hysterical giggling.)

Caller: “What time do y’all close?”

Me: “9 o’clock tonight.”

Caller: “Oh s***! Umm…OK, can you just ring me up for a keg with my credit card, and then leave it outside?”

Me: “…the keg?”

Caller: “Yeah.”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “What? Why?!”

Me: “…for a variety of reasons.”

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At Least It Got A Spot-Free Rinse

| | Right | May 22, 2009

Me: “Welcome to ****! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, my keyboard won’t work.”

Me: “Okay sir, what happened?”

Customer: “Well, it got dirty, so I ran it through the dishwasher.”

Me: “You what?”

Customer: “Ran it through the dishwasher. I did it once before and it worked. So, can I get a new one?”

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Good Service, To A Point

| | Right | May 22, 2009

Customer: “I want to return this knife! The lady I bought this from put this sticky stuff around the blade.”

Me: “Ma’am, all of our knives have the protective seal to keep you from getting cut.”

Customer: “No way! I saw her; she put this on there! I want a different one!”

Me: “Ma’am, you’re free to choose another knife but, as you can see, they all have the protective seal on them.”

Customer: “Well, this is ridiculous – how do you get this off?! You do it for me!”

(I take the seal off and hand it back to her.)

Customer: “But look at this! It’s left this sticky residue!”

Me: “It washes off easily, actually.”

Customer: “I don’t want to wash anything! That’s stupid!”

Me: “Don’t you wash your knives before you use them?”

Customer: “DON’T get smart with me! This is a horrible way to sell a knife.”

Me: “So, we should sell the knives without a seal or any kind of protection?”

Customer: “YES! Exactly! It’ll make using it at home easier!”

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