Always Right, Even If It Requires Changing The Space-Time Continuum

| | Right | June 14, 2008

(A customer walks up to the box office, obviously very angry. She throws a newspaper down onto the counter.)

Customer: “Sir, these show times are wrong.”

Me: “Ma’am, those are yesterday’s show times.”

Customer: *smugly* “Well, why are they in today’s paper?”

Me: “That’s yesterday’s paper.”

Customer: “Oh… well, they’re still wrong!”

Me: “…”

1 Thumbs
1,875
VOTES

Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 2

| | Right | June 13, 2008

(A customer comes to the counter to borrow a DVD, I go into the back and get the one he wants, and all seems normal…)

Me: “May I have your card?”

Customer: *presents a bank card*

Me: “I mean your library card.”

Customer: “You mean I can’t buy it?”

Me: “No, you can only borrow from a library. ¬†You can buy DVDs in the shop around the corner.

Customer: “Oh…. so I can’t buy it here? I have to borrow it?”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “I wanted to buy it.”

Me: “You can only buy it from shops. Are you a member of the library?

Customer: “No, I wanted to buy this DVD.”

Me: “You can’t buy things here, you can only borrow things when you’re a member.”

(By this point there is quite a long queue behind him, so I ring the bell for assistance.)

Customer: “What’s that bell for? Is it for getting a copy I can buy?”

Me: “No, it’s to get assistance for the other readers. ¬†If you’d like to buy a DVD, I’d strongly suggest you go elsewhere. ”

Customer: “So I can’t buy it?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: *pauses* “Oh… I wanted to buy it.” (After one more pause, he finally leaves.)

 

1 Thumbs
2,080
VOTES

The Early Bird Counts Its Chickens In The Bush

| | Right | June 13, 2008

(My boss spent 35 years in the Army, and it shows. He is famous for quoting motivational posters.)

Boss, to camper: “I understand your concern, ma’am, but sometimes you have to crawl before you can walk.”

Camper: “I just wanted to transfer campsites.”

Boss: “Understood. But sometimes it takes a village, right?”

Camper, to me: “Can I speak with someone who isn’t on crack?”

1 Thumbs
3,800
VOTES

Born To Offend

| | Right | June 13, 2008

Me: “Hello, ma’am. How may I help you?”

Woman: “Oh, when is your baby due?”

Me: “I’m not pregnant, ma’am, just fat.”

Woman: “That’s very rude, you know. Pretending to be pregnant just so people can be nice to you!”

Me: *gritting teeth* “I am not pretending anything, ma’am, I promise you. Now, how may I help you?”

Woman: “No! You are a liar, and I am going somewhere where non-lying people can help me!”

Me: “Thank you ma’am, and have a nice day.”

Woman: “LIAR!”

1 Thumbs
6,060
VOTES

Was It Something I Said

| | Right | June 13, 2008

Me: “411 Information.”

Customer: “Wait a minute…”

*papers rustling around*

Customer: “I thought I had that here…”

*long pause, more rustling*

Customer: “Just a sec…”

*several seconds of silence*

Customer: “Never mind, you sound stupid.”

*hangs up*

1 Thumbs
2,226
VOTES
Page 4,385/4,529First...4,3834,3844,3854,3864,387...Last
« Previous
Next »