When Free Advice Gets Expensive

, | | Right | December 8, 2009

(A customer approaches me with a new Blu-ray movie.)

Me: “Ah. Blu-ray is a great choice; it looks amazing.”

Customer: “Great! I’m so excited to watch my first Blu-ray. We just set up the PVR this morning.”

Me: “PVR?”

Customer: “Yeah. Our PVR machine to watch Blu-rays.”

Me: “I’m hate to say this, but PVR’s don’t play Blu-rays. They record live television.”

Customer: *rolls eyes* “Yes, but they play Blu-rays, as well!”

Me: “I am sorry, but they don’t. If you buy this, open up the movie, and then figure out that your machine won’t play it, then I can’t give you a refund. I can’t do refunds on new products that are opened.”

Customer: “Don’t treat me like I’m an idiot, and don’t threaten me! I know this plays Blu-rays! My friend Steve told me it does, and he used to work for a major retailer.”

Me: “Okay, I won’t. Just to ask, where is the disc tray on your PVR?”

Customer: *thinks* “You know, on second thought, Steve also got fired for fraud.”

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Some Years Are More Golden Than Others

| | Right | December 8, 2009

(Note: I work at a restaurant where I have to wear an extremely conservative uniform with minimal makeup and jewelry. I’m serving two elderly ladies.)

Me: “Hey guys, how are y’all doing today? What can I get for you to drink?”

Customer #1: “Coffee.”

Customer #2: “Me too, please.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll have that right out for you.”

Customer #1 to #2: “Doesn’t she look like a gold digger?”

Customer #2: “I was thinking the same thing!” *to me* “Honey, are you a gold digger?”

Me: “Um, no, ma’am. I am just a waitress.”

Customer #1: “Well, come on now dear. It’s obvious that you’re a gold digger.”

Customer #2: “It’s nothing to be ashamed of! Be proud! In all my years of living, I’ve learned it’s the best thing to do–be a gold digger!”

Me: “What?”

Customer #2: “It’s okay to be a gold digger, honey. I’m sure you’re a very good one! You look like you’d be great at it.”

Customer #1: “Yes! Well, I’m glad we know that you’re a gold digger now. I’m proud of you. I’d like cream with my coffee.”

Me: “O…Okay, I’ll have that right out…”

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The Devil To Pay

| | Right | December 7, 2009

Me: “Your total is ***.”

Customer: “Here is my coupon.”

Me: “I’m sorry, this expired last week.”

Customer: “What? What do you mean?”

Me: “It expired last week.”

Customer: “You witch devil! I can’t believe you changed the date!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “You can magically alter dates, you devil!”

Me: “I don’t think I have that sort of power.”

(Upon hearing the commotion, my manager comes over.)

Customer, to my manager: “You have a witch devil here! I’m going to have to bring the lord into this!”

(The customer pulls out a bobble head Jesus and puts in on my counter.)

Customer: “I will return when the date of this coupon is the correct date!”

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Sweaty Confetti

| | Right | December 7, 2009

Customer: “I bought one of your bath balls with the confetti in it. It never dissolved and it just left a mess.”

(He points to a bath ball with confetti.)

Me: “We’ve never had a problem with that ball before, but I’ll keep that in mind. I would be happy to give you one without confetti for free so you can enjoy our products.”

Customer: “Oh no, that’s not necessary. I just wanted to tell you guys about it so you can warn other people.”

Me: “Thank you, I’ll definitely let everybody know about that.”

Customer: “Yeah, you should! I mean, now I have confetti all over my house. On my floor, my carpet, my bed, even my couch and living room!”

Me: “Wow, sounds like you had a lot of confetti!”

Customer: “I did! It even got lodged in places.”

Me: “Lodged in places?”

Customer: “Yeah crevices, my crevices! I mean I have to dig it out of places. Anyway, I just came by to warn you guys.”

(He starts heading out, and as he reaches the door he turns around.)

Customer: “BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR CREVICES, GIRLS!”

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Take Note Of Change

| | Right | December 7, 2009

(A customer is having problems at the self checkout lane.)

Customer: “Excuse me, the machine isn’t taking my dollar.”

Me: “Miss, there’s a quarter sticking out of the bill slot.”

Customer: “Yes, there’s two dimes and a nickel in there too!”

Me: “You didn’t think to use the coin slot for those?”

Customer: “The what?”

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