Ocean’s Negative Seven

, , | | Right | June 8, 2008

(A woman walks up to my blackjack table, and sits down without putting any money up for her bet. I assume she’s waiting for the end of the shoe.)

Woman: “How come I didn’t get a hand?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you didn’t have your bet up when the cards came out. I’ll get you on the next.”

(When I get ready to deal the next, I tap the bet box in front of her.)

Me: “You comin’ in?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Me: “It’s a fifteen dollar table.”

Woman: “What?”

Me: “Table minimum is fifteen.”

Woman: “I have to pay to play?”

Me: “Well, if you win, I’ll give you fifteen more and you get to keep all of it.”

Woman: “What happens if I don’t win?”

Me: “At that point it becomes the casino’s money.”

Woman: “That’s stealing!”

Me: “No, that’s gambling.”

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Because PvP In Produce Is Teh Suxxorz

| | Right | June 8, 2008

(I worked in the meat department of a large, popular convenience store a few years ago. Alongside this, I was both in college, and played World of Warcraft, so I was pretty zonked whenever I worked.)

Customer: “HEY!”

Me: “Hello sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: *scowls* “Where’s LARD?!”

(The name for my character in WoW was Lard. The night before, I ended up having to kick a guildy due to him basically being a moron. After he was kicked, he messaged to me that he was ‘going to get me one day’)

Customer: “… Lard?”

Me: “Um… um!”

Customer: *glares, then looks down* “Oh, here it is.”

(He bends down and picks up a jar of lard from the counter infront of me and walks away, and I breathe a huge sigh of relief. I later found out that the same person deleted his character, rerolled the opposite faction, and leveled him to 70 in order to “Kill Lard and camp his corpse.” I consider that the moment that I won at WoW.)

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Some Questions Should Never Be Asked, Part 2

, | | Right | June 8, 2008

(A customer approaches one of my cashiers holding two children’s t-shirts with identical logos one boys and one girls. We were having a liquidation sale and all boys’ clothing was 40% off while girls’ clothing was 50% off.)

Customer: “What’s the discount on these?”

Cashier: “One is 40% off and the other is 50% off.”

Customer: “Why are they different?”

Cashier: “One is girls and one is boys.”

Customer: “I don’t understand… what’s the difference between girls and boys?”

Cashier: *without even skipping a beat* “Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.”

(Cue the entire checkout line laughing.)

 

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Why Don’t You And I Make It A Baker’s Dozen

| | Right | June 7, 2008

Me: “Hello, **** Bakery, **** speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hey, you sound tired.”

Me: “Um… yes? How may I help you?”

Customer: “Rough night last night? I heard you were busy.”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “Partying worn you out, huh? Well hopefully you aren’t too worn out when you come home, if you know what I mean.”

Me: “Sir, this is **** Bakery. I believe you’ve dialed the wrong number.”

Customer: “Well, s**t.”

Me: “… yes.”

Customer: “Do YOU want to come over later?”

Me: “No.” *click*

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Even Paranoid Racist Nutjobs Have Bad Days

| | Right | June 7, 2008

(Note: The cell phone provider I worked for does not have call centers outside of North America.They have some in Canada, but that is irrelevant to the following transaction.)

Me: “Thank you for calling C*** Wireless. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want a credit to my account.”

Me: “Well, I can certainly see what I can do for you sir. What seems to be the issue?”

Customer: “Where am I calling currently?”

Me: “Customer service, sir…?”

Customer: “Where are you located?”

Me: “Lake Mary, Florida.”

Customer: “I want a credit because the last person I spoke to from your company was in India.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have call centers in India. All our call centers are in North America.”

Customer: “Well, the person I just spoke with had a very heavy middle eastern accent and told me his name was Sam. Now I know he was lying to me, so I want a credit applied to my bill!”

Me: “Sir, this is the United States of America. There are many people in this nation with varying accents. I cannot credit you for speaking to an American with an accent.”

Customer: “I want to talk to your supervisor!”

Me: “Sir, I would be more than happy to allow you to speak with my supervisor. His name is Muhammed Alam… we call him ‘Moe’ for short. ”

Customer: *click*

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