Pinheaded, Part 2

, , , | Right | April 28, 2009

(I’m a greenskeeper on a golf course and am doing some work on a green, moving the hole. I pull the pin (flag) out, which is the universal symbol for “the green is closed; don’t shoot.” As I’m doing my work, this happens…)

Member: “Fore on the green! Fore on the green!”

(I look up to see blue sky and a little white speck flying at me. I turn my back and the golf ball hits me square in my one good kidney. I drop like a bag of potatoes, and the member casually strolls up to the green.)

Member: “Are you okay?”

Me: “No, I need to get to a hospital. It hit my good kidney.”

Member: “What the h*** were you doing on the green? You’re not supp–”

Me: “Did you just hear me? I need an ambulance!”

Member: “Don’t interrupt me, you little a**-hole! Now move so I can putt!”

(I grab my radio and get my superintendent, who rushes out in his cart on the phone with 911. After he hangs up, he turns to the member.)

Superintendent: “Didn’t you see the pin was down?! You could have killed him!

Member: “He shouldn’t be on the green during play! It’s his own fault!”

(They continue arguing for a few moments until the ambulance shows up. As the EMT is getting me on a stretcher, she asks the member…)

EMT: “If the pin was down, what were you aiming for?”

Member: “Him.”

Superintendent: “You aimed… for him?”

Member: “I figured he’d be close to the hole. I mean… the pin was down! I had to aim for something!”

Superintendent: “You’re a f****** idiot!”

(I found out later that the member was kicked out of the country club, and his $50,000 initiation fee as well as his $15,000 yearly dues were not refunded.)

 

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Beans From The Third Rice

| | Right | April 28, 2009

(On Mondays we have a medium cup of coffee for a dollar deal. A woman came in to order her drink.)

Customer: “I would like a small coffee with steamed milk.”

Me: “OK.”

Customer: “Actually, it’s with soy milk.”

Me: “OK.”

Customer: “And you know what? Make it a medium.”

Me: “OK, that’ll be $3.18.”

Customer: “No, it’s only a dollar.”

Me: “But it’s steamed soy milk, that’s different from–”

Customer: “You guys are so soy unfriendly! If I have dairy I could go into anaphylactic shock! This is ridiculous; it’s a medium coffee! It’s only extra because of soy milk – I can’t believe this!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s extra for two percent, too.”

Customer: “You are just a soy nazi! Give me my money back; I’m going to ****. Don’t expect to see me again – this is so ridiculous! You guys aren’t going to make any money if you aren’t more soy friendly. You’re just soy nazis!”

Me: “…”

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Raising The Next Always Right Generation

| | Right | April 27, 2009

(This is at a soup shop where we offer samples.)

Customer: “Hi. Can I try the **** soup?”

Me: “Sure, but be careful – it’s very hot.”

(She proceeds to sip it without grabbing a spoon which is in her line of sight.)

Customer: “OW! That is really hot!”

(She hands it to her 6-year-old son who proceeds to do the same thing she just did.)

Child: “That burned my tongue!”

Customer: “You should warn people that your soup is hot!”

Me: “Would you buy the soup if it was cold?”

Customer: “Absolutely not.”

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Brazen Overtures Like Mints On Pillows

| | Right | April 27, 2009

(It was my first night on the job. A woman just checked in and complained that there was “man hair” in her bed. I could tell she was tired, so I put her in a new room and even offered to carry her luggage for her, to which she declined. Two hours later, I wrote a short note saying, “I apologize for the hair in your bed. Please enjoy a free breakfast in the morning on me and I hope you enjoy your stay.” She approached the front desk moments later.)

Customer: “Um, excuse me. What is this?”

Me: “Well, I felt bad about the problem with your room so I was just trying to show some extra hospitality. I figured you would get it when you woke up in the morning.”

Customer: “No! That’s not what this is. This is sexual harassment!”

Me: “Excuse me? I was trying to be nice and hospitable because I felt bad about your situation.”

Customer: “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a female traveler, and to be harassed by employees and other male travelers?”

Co-worker: “Ma’am, this is his first night working here. I assure you that he used his best judgment, and meant nothing sexual by his nice gesture.”

Customer: “I’m sure he’s nice, but you need to tell him how to interact with female customers. Offering to help carry luggage and putting notes under doors is sexual harassment! I will not be staying here ever again!” *leaves*

Me: *to co-worker* “Note to self: Don’t offer to carry luggage for a woman again or offer her a free breakfast coupon.”

Co-worker: “I think she just wanted to think you were sexually harassing her.”

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Ah, Mothers, Part 2

, | | Right | April 27, 2009

(I overhear the following conversation as I’m stocking crafts; it’s a forty-something mother and her teenage daughter.)

Mother: “… okay, we need beads.”

Daughter: “Just make it fast.”

Mother: “Don’t take that attitude with me.”

Daughter: “I don’t know why I go anywhere with you!”

Mother: “Oh, look! Gift boxes! With Rudolph on them!”

Daughter: “Mom, be quiet. Just shut up… please.”

Mother: “Look! Rudolph! You see Rudolph?”

Daughter: “Mom, shut up! Can we leave?”

Mother: “It’s just so godd**n a** f**king cute!”

Daughter: *rolls her eyes and stomps off*

 

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