Guess Whose Picture Is Next To “Pyrrhic”

| | Right | June 10, 2008

(We sell milk for 2.99 a gallon. Some kid pulled the “.” and the “9” off so it says 29 dollars. Not surprisingly, a lady comes in to buy a gallon and hands me thirty dollars.)

Me: “Ma’am, you just gave me a twenty and 10 singles to buy milk. It’s only $2.99.”

Lady: “Well that’s not what the sign says! it says 29 dollars!”

Me: “But ma’am, you’re paying more money than it actually costs.”

Lady: “I don’t care how much it costs! Just do your job and give me my f**king milk for 29 dollars!”

Me: “Okay, If that’s what you want…” *gives her a dollar back*

Lady: “Thank you! If you had just done your job I would’ve been out of here by now!”

Me: “Have a great day!”

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Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota, Part 3

, | | Right | June 9, 2008

Me: “Hello ma’am, and welcome to ***. What can I get for you today?”

Woman w/ son: “I’d like two burgers, one of them on a sesame-seedless bun, please.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but we’re actually out of seedless buns right now.”

Woman w/ son: “How dare you! My son has deathly allergies to a lot of things, I’ll have you know!”

Me: “Ma’am, is he allergic to sesame seeds?”

Woman w/ son: “No, he isn’t.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, the only difference between seeded and seedless buns are the sesame seeds, so it will be fine for your son to eat one with seeds.”

Woman w/ son: “HOW F**KING DARE YOU! YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT MY SON CAN OR CANNOT EAT! I WANT A SEEDLESS BUN, D**N YOU! GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

Me: “Yes, of course. Just one moment.”

(I go and get the manager and explain the situation. My manager, NOT a people person, grabs a seeded bun and proceeds to the front with a knife.)

Manager: “HERE IS YOUR D**N SEEDLESS BUN!”

(My manager slices off the top half of the bun and throws it on the counter.)

Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

Woman w/ son: “Oh, shut the f**k up.”

 

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More Frisky Than Frail

| | Right | June 9, 2008

(A man of at least 80 years of age came up to my checkout lane. Here’s what happened as I was bagging his last item.)

Me: “Man, I just don’t think this is gonna fit in here.”

Customer, completely straight-faced: “That’s what she said.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer, still straight-faced: “That’s what she said.”

(Needless to say, I nearly died of laughter. If there were only more grandfathers like that out there.)

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A Little Thing Called Responsibility

, | | Right | June 9, 2008

(I walked into a game store and there was a violent car jacking on the local news where a poor couple had been killed. The only person behind the counter is a good friend of mine and an middle-aged woman walks in.)

Woman: “I can’t believe today’s violence. I blame that, the violent media.”

Me: “Yeah, people are a little crazy these days.”

Woman: *to my friend* “Can I have that Call of Duty 4 there, please?”

My Friend: “Um, who are you buying this for? It’s a little survey the store is doing…”

Woman: “Oh, of course! It’s for my 13-year-old son. ”

(As soon as she left, my friend and I busted out laughing.)

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Liar Liar On The Telephone (Wire)

| | Right | June 9, 2008

Me: “Hello, [company name], how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I would like to speak to [company president’s first name].”

Me: “May I ask who is calling?”

Caller: “This is Joe. He is expecting my call.”

Me: “… and you are with?”

Caller: “Just put me through, he knows me and is expecting me to call.”

Me: “I am sorry sir, but my instructions are to find out who is calling and what company they are with before transferring the call.”

Caller: “Look, I am his brother and you better put me through right now!”

Me: “Oh really? Well, I am his sister and I know for a fact that we don’t have a brother.”

Caller: *click*

(Salesmen will say anything to get through. And yes, I am the CEO’s sister.)

 

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