Mountainous Gaps Of Knowledge

| Brighton, UK | Right | June 22, 2010

Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

Customer: “Hello. I want to go on holiday this summer. I’d like to visit somewhere a bit different.”

Me: “Would you be interested in visiting mountains or skiing at all?”

Customer: “That could be fun. Except I don’t like the cold.”

Me: “Well places like the Pyrenees are in Spain, so it’s very hot at ground level and there’s lots to see.”

Customer: “What? No, mountains are cold. They have snow on.”

Me: “Yes, the peaks are colder because they are at a higher altitude.”

Customer: “The bottom bit is hot?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “…but I thought mountains only grew in cold places?”

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Not Going Buy The Book = Not Going To Buy The Book

| Salem, OR, USA | Right | June 21, 2010

Me: “Hey, how are you doing today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I put a stack of books on hold up here three weeks ago.”

Me: “Our policy states we can only hold books for 24 hours. So, there most likely not up here.”

Customer: “You were the girl that put them on hold. You told me you could hold them till I came back. Don’t you remember?”

Me: “Ma’am, I always let customers now about our 24 hour policy. We can’t hold their books for 3 weeks. I can get someone over here to help you find the books again if you’d like.”

Customer: “Well, what were they?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “What books did I put on hold!? That was three weeks ago. How the h*** am I suppose to remember?”

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Celebrity Begins At Home

| Daytona Beach, FL, USA | Right | June 21, 2010

(I am taking calls for a charity.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [charity]. Are you calling this evening to make a donation?”

Caller: “Sure I will, but I want to talk to on of the famous people first.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that isn’t possible. However, if I take your donation, I’m sure that they will be grateful.”

Caller: “Well what row are you in? Can you wave to me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not on TV. I’m in a call center that handles the excess calls from generous people like yourself.”

Caller: “Well just get up and tap [celebrity] on the shoulder! I’m sure he wouldn’t mind taking my call!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid I’m not in the studio at the moment.”

Caller: “Well, I’ll just call back I’m sure the next person will know some one famous! You should stop hogging all the famous people!”

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The Gift Of Unreason

| Washington, USA | Right | June 21, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I assist you?”

Caller: “I would like a gift card.”

Me: “You would like to purchase a gift card?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. You said you wanted a gift card.”

Caller: “Well, yes. We’ve been shopping at your stores for so many years, we feel we should get a gift card from you.”

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Of Half-Baked Requests And Baked-In Clothes

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Right | June 21, 2010

(I work in a custom ceramics shop were we offer a touch-up/repainting service. A woman in a formal dress comes in with an armful of garden gnomes.)

Customer: “I need these gnomes to match this dress.”

Me: “Okay, we can do that. Do you mind if we take a picture for reference?”

Customer: “It’s for a wedding.”

Me: “That’s nice.”

Customer: “It’s this afternoon.”

Me: “This afternoon?”

Customer: “Yes, at three. What, did you think I just walked around dressed like this all the time?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we can’t help you. It would take the better part of a day just to paint all these little guys, and it takes at least three hours for the glaze to dry completely.”

Customer: “You don’t need to paint them! Just get them to change their little clothes!”

Me: “Ma’am, these are garden gnomes.”

Customer: “Exactly! Now, unfreeze them and make them change! I’m going to be late!”

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