One Man’s Trash Is Another Man’s Half-Measure

| | Right | November 4, 2009

(I’ve finished ringing up a customer with a cart full of booze and cigarettes.)

Me: “Your total today is $498.34.”

(The customer pulls out a check that has been taped together, having obviously been ripped in half at some point. It even has VOID written on it. He proceeds to scratch out the information on the check and write in our store name and the amount).

Me: “You know I can’t take that check, right?”

Customer: “This is my check, and you take checks for payment. You are going to take this d*** check!”

(The customer gives me the check.)

Me: “I can’t approve this. Let me get my manager.”

(I go and get my manager.)

Manager: “Can I see your driver’s license, please?”

Customer: “Whatever. Here.”

Manager: “I need to make a copy of this, just a minute.”

(The name on the check and the driver’s license don’t match, so the manager returns with security.)

Manager: “If you would come with me to our office, the police will be here soon.”

Customer: “It’s my d*** check! I found it in the trash!”

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Taxing Faxing, Part 3

| | Right | November 4, 2009

Me: “This is [office]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I was checking to see if you have received my fax.”

Me: “I am sorry, that has not been received.”

(I verify the fax number.)

Caller: “Well, I wrote on the cover letter to call me if you didn’t receive it. Why didn’t you call me?”

 

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We Are The Law

| | Right | November 4, 2009

(I’m helping at a comics show. Nearby are two men dressed in costumes as street judges from the comic Judge Dredd. A customer runs up to my store, clearly flustered.)

Customer: “I need help, I lost my drawing!”

Me: “A drawing? What type of drawing?”

Customer: “The artist at the signing table did a drawing of Spiderman for me and I lost it! I need the police!”

Me: “Okay, did you put it down at a stand or anything?”

Customer: “Yes…no. No, I think it was stolen.”

Me: “Somebody actually took it from you?”

Customer: “No, but, hey!” *looks and points at the street judges* “They’ll help me! Hey, guys!”

(The two judges come over to us at the desk.)

Judge Dredd: “What’s the matter?”

Me: “It’s okay, don’t worry. This man’s just lost a drawing.”

Customer: “I didn’t lose it, it was stolen. I want you guys to go find it.”

Judge Minty: “You serious?”

Customer: “Yes! Go! This b**** is useless!”

(Judge Dredd suddenly pulls big, obviously fake, gun from holster and points it at the customer.)

Judge Dredd: “You really want to talk to the lady like that?”

Customer: “Ahhh!” *runs away into exhibit hall*

(About forty minutes, later the same customer comes back to my desk clutching a rolled up sketch. He’s eyeing the main doors, in front of which the two judges are posing for photos.)

Customer, to me: “Um, is there another exit?”

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Perhaps He Would Prefer An Abacus

| | Right | November 3, 2009

(I was helping a user in one of our accounting firm’s remote offices.)

Caller: “My email isn’t working!”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

Caller: “I already said, my email isn’t working!”

Me: “Okay, so is it not sending email, or is it not opening?”

Caller: “It’s not sending email. This is pathetic! I don’t have
time for this!”

Me: “I am here to help you. Does it say ‘connected’ at the lower right hand of the screen?”

Caller: “I don’t know, this isn’t my job! It’s yours, so fix it!”

Me: “I am trying to, sir, but I will need your help with fixing this issue remotely.”

Caller: “No, that’s not what I get paid to do. I am an accountant! I’m not supposed to know how to use a computer!”

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Seven Sons For Seven Burgers

, | | Right | November 3, 2009

Customer: “You seem a bit slow. Is this your first day?”

Me: “Actually, it is. I’m sorry if I held you up.”

Customer: “No problem. You’ll get the hang of it. I should know. I have seven sons, and they all work at fast food places just like you.”

Me: “Oh, that’s nice!”

Customer: “No, it’s not. It’s pathetic and disappointing!”

 

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