I Once Had A Game This Big

| | Right | October 27, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, may I ask you a question?”

Me: “Sure, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “Can you tell me if this game will fit on my computer?”

(I look at size of game install from box.)

Me: “Okay, this takes four gigs of hard drive space. How big is your hard drive?”

Customer: “I’m not sure. About this big, I think?” *holds hands about four inches apart*

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Five Days Later

| | Right | October 27, 2009

(A customer in their 50s walks into my pawn shop, which sells weapons.)

Customer: “Yeah, can you get me that shotgun behind the table?”

Me: “Sure, do you have your license and registration?”

Customer: “Yeah, right here.”

Me: “Thank you sir. There’s a 5 day waiting period for firearms. Come back soon.”

(He looks disappointed, but forks over the cash and walks out. Five days later…)

Customer: “Okay, dude, I’m back. Where’s the gun?”

Me: “Right here, sir…

(I make the transaction and hand him his shotgun.)

Me: “Have a nice day and come back soon!”

(About one minute after the customer leaves the store, I hear several loud shotgun blasts. I look through the window and the man is firing rounds into the air! He then runs into the store.)

Customer: “The zombie invasion has begun! It’s every man for himself!”

(I hide under the desk and press the silent alarm. Five minutes later, the police arrive, taser the guy, and bring him out of our back room in cuffs. I work at an ice cream store now.)

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Neither Gratis Nor Grateful

| | Right | October 26, 2009

(At the mall one day as a customer, I get tired and try to find a place to sit. All the benches are taken, so I sit in one of the coin-op massage chairs. Another customer in the chair next to me turns to talk.)

Other customer: “This isn’t all that great.”

Me: “What’s not?”

Other customer: “This chair. I hardly feel a thing!”

Me: “That’s odd. I guess I won’t pay for a massage, then.”

Other customer: “Pay? It isn’t free?”

Me: “No, you have to put some money into the coin slot there. I guess that’s why yours isn’t working.” *laughs*

Other customer: “Why are you laughing?” *hands me a dollar* “Make it vibrate!”

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Security-Insecurity, Part 2

| | Right | October 26, 2009

(A customer is placing an order for products to be sent from another store.)

Me: “Now, can I just have a convenient phone number to call you on?”

Customer: “Sorry, my number is private.”

Me: “I need it so I can let you know when the products arrive in store.”

Customer: “Absolutely not! I hate calls in the middle of making dinner.”

Me: “I only call within trading hours, so I can’t order your products unless you will come in to pick them up.”

Customer: “Can I call you?”

Me: “It would be easier for me to call you.”

Customer: “How would you like it if I took your number down and called you randomly?”

Me: “I will only call you to let you know that your order is in. Our privacy policy protects you from other people calling you for other reasons. We only use it to let you know your order.”

Customer: “Can I leave my mobile with you?”

Me: “Yes, that would be fine.”

Customer: *puts mobile on counter and walks out before I can stop them*


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It’s All In Your Head

| | Right | October 26, 2009

(I’m a cashier at the local grocery store. One evening, a customer comes up to my till.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay today, sir?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you, I did.”

(I start scanning his items. Out of nowhere, he grabs the hand-held scanner and points it at his forehead. Naturally, nothing comes up.)

Customer: “Just as I thought. I’m priceless!”

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