The Devil Is In The Ridiculous Details

| | Right | June 10, 2009

(Two female customers are purchasing coffees and breath mints at the cafe in the bookstore.)

Me: “Your total is $6.66.”

Customer 1: *looking horrified* “NO! I don’t want my total to be $6.66! Let me add something else…”

(She starts combing the gum shelves for a flavor she wants.)

Customer 2: *patting friend consolingly* “No, don’t worry about it. You only have to worry about it if $6.66 is the amount of change you get BACK.”

Customer 1: “OH, okay!”

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Sometimes They Travel In Packs

| | Right | June 10, 2009

(I had just arrived and was beginning my shift, when a teenage girl approached the counter.)

Customer: “Hi…do you guys sell bread?”

Me: “Yes we do, anything you’re looking for in particular?”

Customer: “Yeah…”

Me: “Which is?”

Customer: “White bread.”

Me: “We have several kinds of white bread, what kind would you like?”

Customer: “Oh…whatever.”

Me: *grabs the most expensive white bread* “Sliced?”

Customer: “Yep.”

Me: “Thick or thin?”

Customer: “Oh…thick.”

Me: *slices bread and rings everything up* “That’ll be $5.50.”

Customer: “Is it too late to get that thin-sliced?”

Me: “…I could get another loaf for you.”

Customer: “Oh…nah, I wouldn’t want to be a bother.”

Me: *hands her her change and her bread* “Have a nice day.”

(She leaves, and a clearly intoxicated man walks over to my co-worker.)

Man: “I LIKE YOUR BUNS!”

(He swears loudly and walks away.)

Co-worker: “It’s gonna be a long day.”

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A Lesson In Latte Linguistics

| | Right | June 10, 2009

Customer: “I’d like a GRAHN-DAY coffee. ”

Me: “Anything else sir?”

Customer: “This isn’t a grande!”

Me: “You’re ordering using our competitor’s terms, sir. Their grande is our medium.”

Customer: “Grande! Grande! BIG! Don’t you speak Spanish?!”

Me:Si senor, hablo espanol. Quiere algo mas?”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “Didn’t you just ask if I spoke Spanish?”

Customer: “Whatever!” *pays for coffee and leaves*

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A Very Loose-Knit Family

| | Right | June 10, 2009

(I call a man from our waiting list and begin to take him to his table.)

Customer: “Wait, I’m going to eating with my wife and daughter. How are they going to find me?”

Me: “Oh, we have your name from the list, sir. We can send them on back when they arrive.”

Customer: “How are they going to know my name?”

Me: “Your wife and daughter don’t know your name?”

Customer: “No!”

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1-800-KRYPTON

| | Right | June 10, 2009

Me: “Dispatch, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I have an alarm going off.”

Me: “Okay, do you happen to have an account number?”

Caller: “No, I moved into this house five years ago and inherited the alarm system.”

Me: “Alright, address?”

Caller: *gives address*

Me: “Sir, I didn’t receive any notifications. Can you hold for a few minutes while I confirm with our other station?”

Caller: “I guess…”

(I call our other station, they tell me they have no record of the alarm.)

Me: “Sir?”

Caller: “Yes, yes, what?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Is the alarm still going off?”

Caller: “Yes, can’t you hear? Listen, I am a very important lawyer and I demand you turn this alarm off!”

Me: “Sir, our alarms reset in ten–”

Caller: “No, you listen to me, you little s***! I’d better not miss my meetings because you can’t turn off this alarm!”

(I hear the alarm getting louder and I’m pretty sure he can’t hear me, so…)

Me: “SON OF JOR-EL! KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!”

(The alarm in the background shuts off.)

Caller: “Oh wow! Thank you! Thank you so much!”

Me: “No problem, sir!”

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