Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 5

| United Kingdom | Right | March 12, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [service provider]. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Well, I bought one of these mobile phones, only I don’t find it very ‘mobile’.”

Me: “I’m not really sure I understand the nature of your problem. Are you not receiving a good signal strength?”

Customer: “I’m able to call people. It’s just that I had a corded phone before, and this one is no better. I can’t get any further away from the wall.”

Me: “Do you have the handset attached to the charger cable?

Customer: “Yeah, the booklet said to plug it in before I can use it. This is crazy! I spent all this money and it’s still got 3 feet of cable!”

Me: “Ma’am, once the phone has had the initial charge of around 12 hours, you can detach the cable and take it with you where ever you like.”

Customer: “Oh! Asking my son would have been much less embarrassing. Thanks!”


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Coming Soon: My Big Fat Greek Divorce

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Right | March 12, 2010

(A man comes up to the box office with his wife.)

Customer: “Two tickets, please.”

Me: “Sure, what movie.”

(Male customer just points at his wife. She does not notice.)

Me: “Uh, sir, I need to know which movie you’d like to see.”

(Continues to just point at his wife.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.”

Customer: “She’s a Big, Fat, Greek Woman!”

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A Good Chance Of A Falling Out

| Ireland | Right | March 12, 2010

(I get call from the United States.)

Me: “Welcome! My name is Grace, how can I help you?”

Caller: “What’s your name?”

Me: “Grace.”

Caller: “Krays? Is that Irish? It sounds lovely.”

Me: “No, it’s Grace.”

Caller: “Oh Rain. Sorry, hun! Anyway this might sound a little silly. Well let me just explain a bit. You see, in the states, we got this thing, right? The trees, the leaves they go all brown and then they fall right off them trees!”

Me: “Ok.”

Caller: “It gets cooler in the night, right? And the trees, well it’s just beautiful. We call it ‘Fall’.”

Me: “Ok. So you want to come in the fall?”

Caller: “Oh no, honey, I want to know if you guys get something similar, like what we call the fall? With the leaves, they fall right on the ground and people are sweepin ’em up!”

Me: “Yeah we have that here too, except we call it Autumn.”

Caller: “You do? Oh isn’t that wonderful. So when should I travel if I want to see an Irish ‘On-Tom’?”

Me: “What time of year does your ‘fall’ happen?”

Caller: “Well it’s like September, October maybe?”

Me: “Right, well it’s the same here. You just plan for the American fall and you’ll get an Irish Autumn.”

(Customer nearly goes out of her mind with happiness and excitement. Before hanging up and wishing me a happy ‘Om-Ton’ she snuck in a quick cheeky ‘Top of the mornin!’.)

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Definitely Not To Be

| Ft. Myers, FL, USA | Right | March 12, 2010

Customer: “Hello, do you happen to have a copy of Hamlet?”

Me: “Yes we do. Let me show you to it.”

Customer: “Well, actually, do you have an audio version of it?”

Me: “Hmm, maybe. Let me look it up.”

Customer: “Okay, but can you make sure it’s one read by the author?”

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Remote Possibilities Are A Waste Of Time

| PEI, Canada | Right | March 12, 2010

Customer: “My cable box is broken.”

Me: “What seems to be the issue?”

Customer: “Roughly every 1 minute the channel goes up. I tried turning it off and on, I tried unplugging it, I made sure no one was sitting on the remote, nothing works, you guys gave me a broken box!”

Me: “What does it currently show on the front of the box sir?”

Customer: “Channel 932.”

Me: “And what time is it sir?”

Customer: “9:32. Oh.” *hangs up*

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