Redemption Is Futile

| | Right | December 29, 2008

Customer: “I want money for this.” *holding up a gift certificate*

Manager: “I’m sorry, but we can’t give you money back for that.”

Customer: “But someone gave YOU money for this; I want MONEY for it.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do. Our store is closing. I can talk to Corporate and see if they can do something for you, but it’s Sunday and they’re not open today.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! This is horrible customer service. I’m never shopping here again!”

Me: “It doesn’t matter. We’re closing.”

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You Just Had To Ask

| | Right | December 29, 2008

(I work at the customer service desk at a grocery store. One day I had a guy come up and cash a winning lottery ticket for a dollar, and this is what then took place.)

Me: “There you go. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Yeah, uh…I’ve got some dishes to be done, some windows to be washed, and a lawn to be mowed.”

Me: *thinking he’s joking* “Ha ha, yeah….”

Customer: *blank stare* “Well…are you gonna help me?”

Me: still thinking he’s joking* “Ha, well, until **** opens up an At-Home division, I guess I can’t help you out.”

Customer: “So you’re not gonna help me?”

Me: *realizing he’s serious* “Well…no, sir. I can’t just leave and go home with you to do chores.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t be offering to do something if you don’t plan on going through with it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but-”

Customer: *interrupting* “Next time, don’t offer if you’re not gonna do it!” *storms off*

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The Root Of The Problem

, | | Right | December 29, 2008

Customer: “Hey there! Do you guys have any bamboo wood flooring?”

Customer’s Wife: “Not fake bamboo. Real bamboo.”

Me: “Not in stock, but we can easily special order some for you. Might I ask why you specifically need bamboo?”

Customer: “Well, you see, we had our basement finished a few years ago with oak floors, but since then it has flooded several times. We keep having to tear up the floor and put down new stuff.”

Customer’s Wife: “It’s very annoying.”

Customer: “Very. So we figured that if we had bamboo floors it would be able to soak up the water easily, or be reusable or something like that.”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Do you know if bamboo can do that?”

Me: “Um…I’ve never thought much about it, but I think the bigger concern here is whatever’s causing your basement to consistently flood.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Something with the window wells. I just figured this would be a quick fix.”

Me: “Sir, you’re in the completely wrong department.”

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It Runs On Imagination

| | Right | December 24, 2008

(An older woman comes in looking for flashlights, and I take her to that section.)

Customer: “Ok then, do any of these flashlights plug in?”

Me: “Yes ma’am, these few here use a built in battery that can be recharged with a power cord.”

Customer: “But I don’t want any batteries, just the cord. Flashlight batteries are always dead every time I need the flashlight!”

Me: “Oh, well I’m sorry, but all we have are these types of flashlights. Why did you want a corded model?”

Customer: “Oh, you know, in case the power goes out.”

Me: “…”

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It’s So Easy… Yet So Difficult

, | | Right | December 24, 2008

(I work for the online customer service branch of a major department store, answering questions via “live help.” The store has many older customers who often have trouble shopping online. The following is an online conversation I have.)

Customer: “Your site won’t let me get through!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Could you tell me what part of the site you were having an issue with?”

Customer: “It keeps telling me that I have the wrong password. I have my password!”

(I look up her password and use it on the site to make sure it works.)

Me: “I have tested your password and it appears to be working. Would you like me to send you an email with a copy of your password?”

Customer: “NO! I have my password! It says it right here on the screen, and I typed it just like it says.”

Me: *slightly confused as to why the customer’s password would be displayed* “What password do you see on the screen?”

Customer: “cAsE sEnsitIve! I typed it the exact way that it says here! ‘Your password is cAsE sEnsitIve’!”

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