Drives You Round The U-Bend

| Big Rapids, MI, USA | Right | March 6, 2010

Customer: “The fish tank I have is really dirty and starting to smell, so I want to clean it but someone told me that I can’t use tap water in a fish tank.”

Me: “Yeah, you either have to get spring water or buy a bottle of water conditioner, and just add that to the tap water.”

Customer: “Oh. What if I use toilet water instead of tap water?”

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That Would Be A Mis-Steak

| Adelaide, Australia | Right | March 6, 2010

Customer: “Does this honey baked ham contain real honey?”

Me: “Yes, it’s a honey glaze.”

Customer: “Oh, I won’t get it then. It was for my daughter, she’s vegan. She can’t have honey, as she doesn’t believe in eating any animal products.”

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Not Usually Compa(red)

| Omaha, NE, USA | Right | March 5, 2010

(In Nebraska, Husker football games are a really big deal. Nearly everyone wears red Husker shirts.)

Customer: “How come you aren’t wearing a Husker shirt?”

Me: “Well, we have to wear our work uniforms so people know who to ask for help.”

Customer: “That’s practically un-American!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Are you a communist?”

Me: “You’re the one wearing red, sir.”

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Dissecting Lies, Brit By Brit

| Vermont, USA | Right | March 5, 2010

Me: “Hi, this is [tech center]. I’m [name] from Vermont. How may I help you?”

Customer: “What’s Vermont? Is it a state?”

Me: “Yes. It’s in New England.”

Customer: “No it’s not. You’re lying!”

Me: “No, miss. It was the 14th state to join the Union. It is definitely a state in New England.”

Customer: “New England, you say? Well then why don’t you have a British accent?”

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Shout Until You’re Bleu In The Face

| Newberg, OR, USA | Right | March 5, 2010

(I work in the dining room at a retirement home. I’m offering an elderly woman soup.)

Me: “Hi there, Susie! Would you like some soup tonight?”

Elderly Woman: “What?”

Me: *raising my voice* “Would you like some SOUP?”

Elderly Woman: “WHAT?”

Me: *I put mouth right by her ear and basically yell at her* “DO YOU WANT SOUP?”

Elderly Woman: “Why are you speaking French?”

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