Dr. Jekyll And Hearing-Impaired Hyde

| | Right | July 17, 2008

(At the hardware store where I work, I see an old lady pushing a cart with a heavy bag of dirt inside it.)

Me: “Here, I can help you with that, ma’am. ”

Old Lady:¬†”This cart is awful! It won’t steer anywhere I want it to!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, it is kind of heavy. Here, let me get you a new one.”

Old Lady: “NO! I want a new cart so I can go look at flowers!”

Me: ¬†”… okay. I’ll get you a new cart for the dirt.”

Old Lady: “You DON’T understand! I want a new cart! Not this one! This one is broken!”

Me: “That’s quite alright, ma’am.¬†I’ll get you a new cart instead of this one.”

Old Lady: “YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND! I WANT TO GO LOOK AT FLOWERS AND I WANT A NEW CART!”

Me: “Okay, ¬†I think we have a miscommunication here! You may go look at flowers as much as you want. Then, just come check out when you’re done.”

Old Lady:¬†”I’m just going to go look at flowers, AND I want a new cart.”

(About 15 minutes after she looks at flowers, she comes down to my register. She’s still pushing the old cart.)

Old Lady: “Well, I guess I’m done shopping for the day. Thank you so much for your help, sweetie!”

Me: “You’re… welcome?”

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Spoken Like A True New Jerseyan

| | Right | July 17, 2008

(A tall man in his 30’s walks in after I had told him over the intercom 3 times that we are a prepay station AND he read the sign on the pumps stating that as well.)

Me: “Afternoon! Can I help you?”

Man: “Yeah, I noticed that you don’t have the card sliders on the pumps. Do you know when you’re going to get those?”

Me: “Sir, I’m fairly confident we’re not getting those anytime soon.”

Man: “Oh. Well, in that case, I’m going to get in my car and drive away without buying your gasoline. In fact, I’m never coming back here again!”

(Note that I have never seen this man before and I recognize all my regular customers.)

Me: “Okay, sir.”

Man: “How exactly does that make you feel?!”

Me: “Well sir, to be honest with you, you’re not the first person that has tried to dampen my day. The fact of the matter is, you can’t dampen my day any worse than it already is when I have to show up here. You’re just one more customer I don’t ever have to hear yell at me again.”

Man: “F*** you and your gas pumps! Thank God people aren’t this rude in New Jersey!”

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My Parents Threatened To Do This Monthly

| | Right | July 16, 2008

(I worked at a sandwich place. The order area had a counter. A man walks in carrying his year old child, and sets the child on the counter.)

Man: “Do you guys take trades?”

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Mission Impossible, Part 4

, | | Right | July 16, 2008

(A customer is buying a file cabinet. ¬†As I’m taking it out for her, the cabinet falls off of the hand truck and the lock gets pushed in.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. The damage isn’t bad. Would you like us to fix it for you?”

Customer: “I wanted to buy this undamaged!”

Me: “Of course, we could put together a new one for you.”

Customer: “I wanted this one.”

Me: “So shall I take it back and have it repaired?”

Customer: “I wanted it the way it was!”

Me: “I understand that, but the damage has been done. If you like, we can refund your money.”

Customer: “I don’t want a refund. ”

Me: “Okay… what do you want to do?”

Customer: “I wanted to buy this like it was.”

Me: *getting frustrated* “Okay, so what do you want to do?”

Customer: “I wanted to buy this cabinet like it was! Undamaged!”

Me: “Well, once you decide what you want to do, you let me know.”

(At this point, I take the cabinet into the back room and stay there. I never did find out what she did.)

 

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Biting The Hand That Feeds You

| | Right | July 16, 2008

(Even though I stutter a bit, I never had any trouble helping customers. This customer thought otherwise.)

Me: “C-can I help you sir?”

Customer: *odd look* “Yes, I’d like a pack of cigarettes.”

Me: “Okay, that’s th-three ni-ninety please.”

Customer: “HELP! THIS GIRL CAN’T HELP ME!”

(At this point my colleague enters the shop, standing at the second cash register which is closed.)

Customer: “You! You can help me!”

Colleague: “I’m sorry, this cash register is closed. My colleague will help you.”

Customer: “But she can’t help me!”

(A line was begins to form behind the customer.)

Customer, to me: “So… he says you can help me.”

Me: “No, I can’t help you.”

Customer: “WHY?!”

Me: “I don’t help a**holes.”

Customer: *swears and leaves the store*

 

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