Disease Or Not, You’re Still A Douche

| | Right | March 12, 2009

(A customer has just finished placing a rather large and pricey order of several large popcorns loaded with butter, large drinks, and random candies.)

Me: “That’ll come to $55.75, sir.”

Customer: “Oh… I have cancer.”

Me: “Um… I’m sorry.”

Customer: “So I don’t have to pay, right?”

Me: “No, you still have to pay.”

Customer: “Why? I’m a cancer patient!”

Me: “You’re also trying to walk away with nearly $60 in concession items. I’m sorry, but I can’t give that to you because you have cancer.”

Customer: “Oh, come on! What if I told you I had heart disease?”

Me: “I guess I’d have to ask why you’re in such a rush to kill yourself?”

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Just Wait Until They Discover Palindromes

| | Right | March 12, 2009

Me: “Okay, we now need to log into your modem. It should ask for login details.”

Customer: “What are they?”

Me: “Admin and admin are the username and password.”

Customer: “Are the passwords in that order?”

Me: “Umm. Sure, go for it.”

Customer: “Ok, I’d hate to have gotten them mixed up!”

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University Of Homer Simpson

| | Right | March 12, 2009

(I’m 19 and a customer in his mid-twenties comes up to me with a 6-pack of beer and some beef jerky.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, since I’m underage I can’t sell you this beer. Would you mind waiting for my coworker?”

Customer: “Oh, sure no problem. Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “You’re of Indian descent, right?”

Me: “That’s right, sir.”

Customer: “But you were born here in America, right?”

Me: “Uh, no actually. I was born in India, but I moved here pretty young.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me, you don’t have an accent! I’ve seen all the movies! Any Indian character who works at a gas station always has an accent!”

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You Can Never Be Too Careful

| | Right | March 12, 2009

Young girl, maybe six: “Hi, I need a table for 4 please.”

Me: “Sure, what’s your name?”


(The mom, dad and little brother enter the restaurant while she’s screaming.)

Mom: “What’s wrong? What happened?”

Young girl: “The lady wanted to know my name!”

Mom: “Honey, that’s so she can tell you when the table is ready.”

Young girl: “Oh…”

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Be All The Genders You Can Be

| | Right | March 12, 2009

(An older man who looks to be in his 80s approaches the counter.)

Me: “Good morning, sir.”

Customer: “I’m not a ‘sir’.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “…ma’am?”

Customer: “Are you getting sarcastic with me?”

Me: “No…you’re confusing me.”

Customer: “Have you been in the military?”

Me: “…no. But several of my family members have.”

Customer: “Well, you should. You’d be perfect.” *salutes and leaves*

Coworker: *walking in* “Who was that guy?”

Me: “Sergeant Transvestite?”

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