Miss Impossible

| | Right | November 23, 2007

(Two days before Thanksgiving, people are picking up their orders of turkeys. One customer placed an order late, for a 20 lb. fresh Butterball. We didn’t get many of those, so I reserved a 20 lb. fresh “other” turkey.)

Me: “Well, I do have a previously frozen Butterball that a customer changed their mind on. It’s pretty much thawed out, you could have that.”

Customer: “No, my mother won’t eat frozen turkey.”

Me: “Well, then take the fresh one.”

Customer: “My mother only eats Butterball.”

Me: “This is a Butterball, and since you have to thaw it anyway to cook it, why not take the Butterball?”

Customer: “She won’t eat frozen turkeys.”

Me: “We still have small fresh Butterballs, why not take two of them?”

Customer: “No, my mother is making a turkey too, and I don’t want to have three of them.”

Me: *exasperated*

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Note: Still Needs To Discover Fire And The Wheel

| | Right | November 23, 2007

(Ten years ago, I was working for a company selling computerized cash registers. A customer called in to help me with a cash register that didn’t connect to the back office computer)

Me: “So, can you tell me the settings of the DIP switches on the cash register?”

Customer: “DIP switch?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, the small switches located on the backside.”

Customer: “Eeeerrr…there are no switches there.”

Me: “Oh, yes, there are. Right next to the power cord.”

Customer: “No. There are no switches. Not any more!”

Me: *puzzled* “Huh? Not any more? What do you mean?”

Customer: “Well, you know, my colleague told me that these switches might actually be what caused the problem, so I removed them.”

Me: “REMOVED THEM??”

Customer: “Yeah, you know, removed them. With a chisel.”

Source

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Why Can’t You Be Omniscient?!

| | Right | November 23, 2007

Customer: “Do other places besides Disney sell Disney tickets?”

Me: “I believe so, but I only have information about the tickets we sell.”

Customer: “How much do other places charge?”

Me: “I don’t have any information on other ticket resellers.”

Customer: “Is it cheaper if I buy tickets somewhere else?”

Me: “Sir, I don’t know anything about other places, only Disney.”

Customer: “Will they add the no expiration option for me?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Customer: “Can you give me names and contact information for other ticket places?”

Me: “Sir, I can only help you if you wish to purchase tickets directly from Disney.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you’re being unhelpful!”

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Kids, This Is Why You Stay In School

, | | Right | November 23, 2007

Customer: “I’d like 5 pork chops, wrapped in twos.”

Me: “Do you mean two packages?”

Customer: “No, I want 5 pork chops, wrapped in twos.”

Me: *blank stare*

Customer: *heavy sigh* “5 chops, wrapped 2, 2 and 1. See, wrapped in twos.”

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Awesome Customers Do Exist

| | Right | November 22, 2007

(8:55 pm: I’m guarding the door at work, waiting for the last couple of customers to finish up and get the heck out. They are going kinda slow, but I can’t kick them out because they were in the store before we close.

9:05 pm: They finally got what movies they wanted and are just about to pay when another guy tries to come in)

Late Customer: “Hold on please! I just need to get one thing!”

Me: “Sorry sir, it’s past 9pm. These are the last customers for the night.”

Late Customer: “But all I want to get is a PS2. Why can’t you get it for me?”

Me: “Because you came in after 9, we want to close up.”

Late Customer: “But they are getting stuff.”

Me: “They were in here before 9.”

Late Customer: “So you aren’t gonna help me? I wanna speak to your manager! Are you the manager?”

(This is the fun part, one of the women buying stuff chimes in)

Woman Customer: “Yeah, I’m the manager and we need to get the heck out of here to go home! You should have gotten here earlier!”

Late Customer: *Flabbergasted* “Wha? Well… YOU LOST A SALE!” *storms out*

Manager (the real one): “…Wow. Thank you very much!”

Me: “Ditto! Thanks a lot and have a wonderful night!”

Source

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